James Cameron’s AVATAR: An uber-fan’s review.

Wow.

First of all, I’m kind of a geek. Well, I have my own blog… so that goes without saying. But since I’m a geek, I love all that fantasy/sci-fi shit. That being said, Avatar immediately appealed to me the moment I heard about it. I knew I was destined to see this movie. There aren’t any spoilers in this review, so needn’t worry.

Picked up my tickets earlier in the afternoon. Fifteen fucking bucks. I instantly remembered why I don’t see movies in theaters anymore. BUT, I did get these:

Okay, they don’t look like that anymore. Those are the ones you used to find in a cereal box. The 3D glasses I received are the shit. No different from regular sunglasses, except more 3Der.

Anyway, upon arriving at the theater, I was surprised at the minimal amount of people that showed. Sure, it’s midnight on Thursday…. But it’s fuckin Avatar, man!

Previews, blah blah blah… Alice in wonderland looks pretty trippy by the way. Johnny Depp loves taking roles that allow him to act weird as hell. But alright, enough wasting time. The movie starts.

2 hours, 40 minutes later.

Oh. Dear. God. I’m in awe. Nothing will ever be the same again. While 160 minutes long, not once did I check the time, or care how long the movie was dragging on. I really don’t want to give anything away at all. This movie will take you into the deepest realms of your imagination, and I do not want to spoil any of that for you. But I will say this:

Fuck humans. That’s right, fuck us. We suck. I hate our race. You will feel the same way after you see this movie. I want to be an Avatar so badly. Even more than a hobbit. I mean, just look at them!

Fucking majestic.

It’s going to get to the point where you HAVE to see this movie. Because everyone will be talking about it. I’m sure people will try hard not to see this movie for stupid reasons. So let me preemptively refute all the complaints that are sure to arise…

Complaint: This film is all CGI, with no actual plot or clever dialogue.

Wrong. I was actually worried about this too. The plot is way more intricate than you’d expect. Way more. And the dialogue is just fine. No corny, cliché lines. James Cameron knew what the fuck he was doing in all cylinders. The plot might be slightly predictable at times, but it’s so compelling that is sucks you in, and makes you truly care as to what happens to the characters.

Complaint: This movie will only appeal to people who like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars.

First of all… so? What’s your point? You’re already a degenerate of a human if you didn’t like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars. But as long as you have a half-a-brain, you should be able to fully appreciate the movie, regardless of its genre. It’s a great story. It has marvelous special effects. It’s a classic tale of good vs. evil… who doesn’t like that? There’s action, adventure, romance… and magical creatures to boot! That being said, if you did indeed love Lord of the Rings, then you will undoubtedly love this movie.

Complaint: Too long.

Alright ADD-person, relax. As you know, movies should be judged on quality, not quantity. But for me, this movie flew by. There’s not a dull moment. There gets to a point when there’s about 40 minutes left or so, you’ve already been ridiculously entertained, and you just know the best has yet to come. The epic battle. It’ll keep you on the edge of your seat to the very last second.

Douchebag: “I’m not a geek, I don’t want to see this movie!”

Alright, first of all, you’re no where near as cool as you think you are. At all. But like I said… when all is said and done, if you choose to not to see this movie, you will be in the minority. People like this will probably end up seeing it, secretly enjoy it, but say they hated it. But it doesn’t matter, because no one ever valued your opinion to begin with.

Alright, I’m done. Oh, and just in case you weren’t sure, I highly recommend this movie. To every one. Oh, and the 3D is awesome. Definitely a couple times where I actually flinched in the theater, thinking things were coming straight at me. They ask you to return the 3D glasses after the movie. You shitting me? I paid 15 bucks for this movie, I’m keeping those bad boys! In fact, I’m wearing them next time I go out.

James Cameron, man. He did it. He DID IT. The man had a vision, and he put that vision to reality. The guy is a genius, a mastermind, a pioneer for the film industry. I’m telling you people. Stop reading this blog right now, get in your car, and drive to your local movie theater. Tell them I sent you. It’ll mean nothing to them.

Now if you excuse me, I have some avatar pornography to upload. What?!

One thought on “James Cameron’s AVATAR: An uber-fan’s review.

  1. Great review.

    However, IF movies are going to be a thing on this blog, you need a rating system, by default.

    For instance:

    Avatar gets 4/5 Weins.

    or

    Avatar gets 5/5 Grads.

    Anything will do really, but how can the general public deem your liking (or disliking) of a film if there’s no quantifiable system put in place?!

    -#1 subscriber

Leave a Reply to Dorf Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s