The Smartcup: The Newest Form of Communication

Greetings everybody. I hope y’all had a wonderful Christmas. I’m sure nobody checked this site today… and if you did, I’m sorry your Christmas was so shitty. My Christmas was enjoyable. Thanks for asking.

I have a question. How many of you got “smart phones” for Christmas? Why are they called this? Do they possess more intelligence than normal phones? What exactly do you need them for? Do you really need a projector on your phone? Why am I asking so many questions?

I need my phone for two things: Calling and texting. That’s all. Yea a camera is nice too, but is certainly not necessity. And do you really need to access facebook from your phone? God forbid you have to wait an hour until you get home  to post a status that nobody needed to know, anyway! I’m almost scared to know what phones are going to be capable of in a year from now. Technology is improving rapidly, and it’s only making everybody dumber.

I say let’s abandon cell phones. Let’s go back to one of the older ways to communicate.

I am officially bringing those back. That’s right, as we speak I am throwing away my cell phone. From now on, if you need to reach me you call me by cup. No calling, no texting, just… Cup. I urge you all to do the same.

In fact, I’m gonna make it so my cup can do everything that a “smart phone” can. I’ll call it the “Smart Cup.”

(click on the cup for a larger view)

There, now my cup can do everything that your smartphone does. AND it even gives you the winning lottery numbers every day. I blacked them out in the picture of course, because you gotta own one to know it. So if you want one, they are currently selling at the Weingrad Store in your local mall. Or… just make one yourself. Since you just need a cup and some string.

Oh and if you get thirsty, the cup is also a convenient thing to use for obvious reasons. Because you could use it CALL SOMEBODY and ask them to bring you a drink! Brilliant, right?!

So folks, do the right thing. Abandon your smartphones and embrace THE CUP. And look for the Smartcup 2.0 to hit stores in late January. It will have the ability to kill people. Good night!

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