After a brief hiatus, I have returned. No, I did not throw myself off a cliff after the Jets loss, so need not worry; I am alive. Though devastated, I am still extremely proud to be a Jets fan. It was an extremely successful season, one that exceeded even the most optimistic of expectations, and a season that the team could build off for the future.
Though the Jets are eliminated, football still resumes. The superbowl is two weeks away, and the Saints and Colts will take each other on in the “two cities that have nothing else to be happy about except their football teams” bowl, I will be rooting for the Colts. Yes, I am aware that they just defeated the Jets, and I’m aware that Peyton Manning is, how do I say this, a little bitch… but, nonetheless,I have decided to support them. Why, you ask? Because I win 120 bucks if they do. So… yeah.
Trust me, nothing bothers me more than seeing Eli Manning, who [insanely] makes more money than his older brother, sit in the press box and cheer on the Colts, as if he has something to do with their success. And watching him root against the Jets, of all teams, was funny… because he is rooting against his own city. Fuck him.
Alright, let’s get to business. A few weeks, ago, a story came out on CNN.com that fans of ‘Avatar’ were experiencing severe depression after the movie, even going as far as threatening to commit suicide in internet message boards. I also referenced it on my blog last week. This was because they were so captivated by the world that James Cameron created, that in comparison, they hated reality. Now, these people were clearly a bit mentally unbalanced going into the theater if they allowed a movie to affect them that much. Get a grip on yourselves, it’s a wonderful film, but… probably not worth killing yourself over.
After reading that article, I was amazed. I’m a pretty big hardcore Avatar fan myself, I was enthralled with the movie, but never even for a split second became saddened by it. This is probably because I am mentally strong and have a very good grip on reality.
[pauses writing momentarily to stare at one of his many Lord of the Rings posters, then practices a spell with his magic wand and says hello to his imaginary unicorn]
…where was I? Oh right, killing yourself. So yes, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that a movie could make people want to kill themselves. Well, that all changed when I saw the trailer for this movie:
I just… just don’t understand. What person, with a brain, approves of these movies? Who decided that this is worth spending tons and tons of money on to create a feature film? I just… don’t know. Somebody please explain.
How in the world does Duane “The Rock” Johnson go from this:
If you’re ever going to kill yourself because of a movie, I completely understand if it is because of this one. When movies like this get made, you know that we can no longer have faith in humanity. There’s just no way.
And the worst part about all of this is not the fact that the movie was actually made, but that it made $14.3 million this weekend. Are you kidding me?!?!?!?! $14.3 million! How could you spend money on this? To all the idiots that actually chose to see this movie in theaters: Think about all of the other ways you could have spent your 12 bucks. You could have donated to Haiti. If all of you decided to donate to Haiti rather than seeing this movie, that’s 14.3 million extra dollars that they could have had to save lives. However, instead of deciding to save lives, you decided to put your money in the wallets of people that are single-handedly ruining this country. Your confirming their belief that movies like this are successes.
You disgust me.
My idea for punishment? Gather everyone that has paid money to see the Tooth Fairy, and forcefully remove their teeth. Then, make them sleep that night with all their teeth under their pillow. When the actual tooth fairy comes in the middle of the night to collect their teeth, have him beat them all up in their sleep. Then the Rock walks in and gives them a People’s Elbow. And while this is happening, it’s being filmed so all of the people in Haiti can watch. That way the punishment fits the crime.
What a world, folks, what a world.