Not A Good Time To Be A Luger

Pretty ironic that just the other day I was talking about all the times I’ve been whacked in the head. I say this because even though those incidents that I endured are not really something you’d ever volunteer for, they’re nothing compared to slamming the back of your head into a concrete barrier while going 90 miles an hour. My incidents = headache. That incident = deathache.

I’m speaking of course, about Nodar Kumaritashvili, the 21-year old Luger from Georgia that died during his training session on the opening day of the Olympics. Yeah, that kinda sucks. Imagine working your whole life to get to one moment, and when you’ve finally put yourself in position to accomplish it… you die moments before you get the chance. Had he failed in his quest and ended up not qualifying for the Olympics, he would be alive right now.

It’s like if all of a sudden I happen to bump into Taylor Swift on the street. We strike up a conversation, we hit it off, and then suddenly I realize that she’s flirting with me. Before we part ways I decide to ask her out, thinking she’ll say yes. I open my mouth to speak, she waits with anticipation, and then… I get run over by a street luger and die.

So yes, the Olympics are in full effect right now. Honestly, I don’t know many people that really care about the Olympics. It’s all about national pride, and let’s face it… our country has no national pride. We’re all spoiled sonofabitches that live in the most privileged country in the world, and it’s the only way we know. Even the “poor” people in America still own a microwave and a television. Why root for our country when we’re already the biggest superpower in the world? We’re already the best country and we don’t need the Olympics to verify that. That’s the mentality we all have… it’s sad but true.

There are maybe four or five other countries that are even close to being in that same situation. There are 195 countries, and the average American would be lucky to name even 100 of them. So imagine being a citizen of one of those 95 countries, where you’re just fighting for relevancy… THOSE are the countries that have immense national pride. And those are the countries that I root for. Screw America, I’m rooting for Cape Verde! Yes, that is a country. Georgia had just six Olympians … and one of them freakin’ dies. What are the odds of that?!

Actually, I can think of one reason to watch the Olympics… Lindsey Vonn… the American skier. She is fucking cute!

Though I would not advise going out in the snow in nothing but a bikini… you are liable to catch a cold.

So, that is at least one reason to watch. I’d also be more inclined to watch if these events were officially declared Olympic sports:

  • Quidditch
  • Beerpong
  • Apples to Apples
  • Rocks, Paper, Scissor
  • Guess Who
  • Laser Tag
  • Duck Hunt (Nintendo game)
  • 7-Up
  • Capture the Flag
  • The traps from the “Saw” movies

I’m sure you’d all agree with me on that…

Oh, and one last thing… about Valentine’s Day (the movie)…. I predicted last week that it would make $26 mil this weekend, and have a 5.3 rating on IMDB. Well, it made an eye-popping $52.4 million, doubling my prediction. I was much closer on the rating, since it currently holds a 5.7, thus establishing itself as a shitty movie (not that it needed it). I’ll still watch it eventually, but if you were one of those that actually paid money to view that movie, do yourself a favor and call yourself an idiot for me. Thanks!

RIP Nodar

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