The Flying Tomato

I’m not sure how much Olympian athletes get paid… it’s supposed to be more of an honor to compete in the Olympics than worrying about how big of a paycheck you’re going to receive. I believe most of the athletes make their money off of endorsements. Lindsey Vonn, the cute skier for example, (who won gold today – congrats Lindsey) makes $3 million a year in endorsements. Not bad.

However, she doesn’t make nearly as much as Shaun White. White is an extremely well-known snowboarder; arguably the most famous one ever. He is extremely identifiable because of his flaming red hair, which earned him the nickname “The Flying Tomato.” He won the gold medal at the Olympics last year in the Halfpipe event, and is competing for that this year as well. So what does he make in endorsements per year? $9 million.

That’s right… companies actually pay this guy to endorse their products:

$9 million.

Sure, he’s a great snowboarder. Sure he seems like a cool, laid-back guy. Does that mean he deserves all that money? You know why I think he makes that much? Because of his goddamn hair. Having an extremely distinguishable hairstyle will always draw you attention. Not saying that it’s what he’s trying to do, it just happens to be how his hair grows. Yet, he’s still reaping the benefits from it. I’d say that hair alone earns him at least 2 of his 9 million dollars per year.

Like I said, a crazy hairstyle can take you a long way.

Am I right, Carrot Top?

Am I right, Coolio?

Am I right, Don King?

Let’s face it… “Chairman of the Board,” “Gangsta’s Paradise,” and being Mike Tyson’s right-hand man is not what made these guys household names; it’s their goddamn, motherfucking hair. But there’s no need to be bitter. They’re smart. In fact, we should all learn from them. If we want to be famous, then we gotta do something about our hair. A shaved head just ain’t gonna cut it.

In fact, I think that it’s the lone factor that is preventing my blog from becoming the most popular blog on all of the interweb. So, starting tomorrow, I’m growing out my hair. When it’s long enough I intend to take a trip to the barbershop, and request that I be made to look like this:

David “The Flying Tomato” Weingrad.

Once I look like this, what company would not want me to endorse them? I can quit my nonexistent day job and officially become a full-time blogger. I am an illustrious human being already, but I knew I was just missing… something. And now I have found it.

And who knows, maybe I’ll magically become awesome at snowboarding. I’ve never even tried snowboarding before. Or skiing. That needs to be fixed ASAP. But first I need to try Curling. Oh and as I write this Shaun White just went on his first run and is now the current leader in the halfpipe event.

All thanks to me. Hmmm I wonder if he’d endorse the Weinblog if I asked…

One thought on “The Flying Tomato

  1. Wonderful insights. I loved to read your document. You must be putting lots of time into your blog!

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