VEGAS BABY

After Two long flights, a broken knee, a 67 ounce beer, several poor decisions on the roulette table, and about 750 dollars spent, I have returned from Vegas.

I never got around to posting a blog before leaving to share my expectations for the Vegas trip… but if I had, there would have been eight references to the movie “The Hangover,” fifteen mentions of alcohol, nine mentions of strippers, one mention of me saying that I’m gonna try not to gamble, and topped by saying there are at least 5/1 odds I won’t make it back alive. Now if only I put some money down on that I would have actually won a bet.

Anyway, the trip easily met all of those expectations. Unfortunately, no one slipped any roofies in my drinks at any point, but other than that it was a pretty adventurous and eventful weekend to say the least.

Gambling-wise I actually didn’t do too badly. End up with a net loss of only like 10 dollars, which is essentially a win in Vegas. Roulette is supposed to be 2/1 odds, and yet I lost all 3 bets I made on it. Fuck that game. Lost about 30 bucks there, Lost like 15 on my game “The Big 6” which features a wheel-of-fortune-type wheel where you bet on the odds, but won three of my four sports bets to make about 35 bucks back. Of course the one bet I lost was on the Knicks. Not only did they play their best game of the season, but their best game of the freaking decade… even when that team wins they let me down.

So let’s run down the trip. I kept a running twitter-blog throughout the course of the weekend; you can see that on my twitter page with the username DDubbs87… should be pretty entertaining.

Ironically, we were there for Goldberg’s bachelor party, and yet he was almost killed before we even entered the plane. As we we going up the escalator he was craning his head over the railing to see something. Finally he pulled his head back, and upon doing this he realized that he was inches away from a barrier that prevents people from falling over. Had he pulled his head back 2 seconds later, he may have been decapitated. That may have put a damper on the trip. The rest of us wondered aloud that had Goldberg been killed before we boarded the plane, would we still have gone to Vegas without him? the collective answer: probably.

So our flight there was delayed about two hours, so by the time we finally were able to check in it was about 2 AM Western time… so needless to say we were pretty exhausted and didn’t do much the first night except walk around the hotel a little. However, the travel agent apparently screwed up our rooms, so what at first seemed like a major debacle ended up turning into awesomeness because we were upgraded to three luxury suites. Fuckin’ awesome. That definitely set the tone for the trip right away.

Second day, after a little bit of walking around we started drinking early in the afternoon. The shitty thing about Vegas is that nothing is cheap; if you can find a $6 beer somewhere then that is a good price. However, as we were walking the strip, we found a bar that was serving alcohol in the biggest quantity I have ever seen… 67 ounce mugs! That’s about six beers in one! And it only cost 20 bucks! And it was free refills! By the time I finished that I was absolutely hammered. We found an outdoor bar that had blackjack tables and live music, and I as was standing there sipping my 67 oz. beer with all of my friends I remember thinking that life cannot possibly get any better than it is right now.

The best part is that while we were enjoying beautiful weather, back in New York there was 35 MPH winds and torrential storms that caused several power outages. We could not have gotten luckier with the timing of the trip. Because today it’s back to being beautiful again… so we completely missed the shitty weather.

Anyway, after I got a refill I stumbled back to the bar and saw that my friends had wandered away. Fortunately I found Mike talking on the phone. For some reason we wandered into the corner of a clothing store and set camp there for about twenty minutes for some odd reason. After that, we went on a quest to find everyone else. This is not an easy task to do when you are wasted and in a city where you have no idea where you’re going.

So we went back into the bar where we got our 67 ounce beers. I left Mike at a table while I went to the bathroom, and when I got back he was passed out at the table. There was also a girl sitting next to him that I’m pretty was checking on him because I’m pretty sure she thought he was dead. After that, we found out everyone else was a hotel called the Venetian… so we made our way towards there.

However, we must have gone the wrong direction at least ten different times. It literally took us about an hour and a half to find it. I’m fairly certain everybody thought they would never see us again since we were gone for so long. That entire time from about 4pm to 7pm was a complete and utter blur and was easily the drunkest I was throughout the entire trip. However, we finally found everyone. That’s when we did some more gambling. Drunk gambling is fun at the time, but not when you check your wallet after.

I was playing the “Big 6” game, which is where they spin a wheel that has 6 different numbers on it, with the smaller numbers (1 and 2) being more prevalent. You bet on what number you think will come up, and if you’re right you win the odds. For example, if you bet $2 on 5 than you win back 10 dollars. It’s a good game because you can bet low and it takes a long time to lose your money; unlike blackjack or roulette where you can lose anywhere from 20-100 dollars within minutes. Usually I bet conservatively, but at one point I remember being bold and putting 5 dollars on 20. As the wheel was spinning, my eyes widened as I saw that landing on 20 was a distinct possibility. And I’m not even kidding, if she spun the wheel with one extra millinewton of force, it would have landed on it and I would have won 100 bucks on one spin. Unfortunately, it literally stopped right in the middle, and ended up landing on 2. I distinctly remember putting my head on the table after that. I was not happy.

Apparently, while I was doing that, Goldberg suddenly became a minor security risk while playing the Deal or No Deal game. Supposedly he meant to push one thing and it selected another for him. He complained about it and floor mangers came from all over thinking he was trying to cheat. They ended up giving him more money for the game which I think he went on to lose anyway. I’ve been told that I wandered over towards the end of that, but I have zero recollection of that occurring.

The rest of the night was devoted to dinner, more gambling, and then a late night trip to the strip club; a necessity for bachelor parties. I won’t detail what occurred there. In this case I will stick to the code; what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Day 3 we slept a little later as we were finally adjusted to west coast time. This was the day of “the accident.” We had a nice buzz going because we were drinking fruit smoothies that were loaded with alcohol (kind of). So that was definitely partly to blame.

Alright, so you know how your parents always told you NOT to run the wrong way up an escalator? Well, they had a pretty good point. I was 95% of the way up when somebody finally approached it looking to go down. That’s when I tried to rush and I attempted to hop 2 at a time. Not a very good idea to jump steps when you heading in the opposite direction to begin with. I promptly missed the step and my knee went directly into the corner of the step where the metal grooves stick out. Immense pain. I tried to walk it off until I realized that I was bleeding through my jeans. That’s when I had to seek out hotel security to get it bandaged once a random lady told me that I may get tetanus. But at least everybody got a good laugh out of it. Although it did impede my walking ability for the rest of the trip, so in hindsight, it probably was not a good idea.

This all happened shortly after another funny incident. We were standing around a blackjack table, and Seth – not really paying attention – stepped backwards onto somebody’s foot. When he turned around he realized it was an old lady in a wheel chair. Here is the conversation that followed:

Seth: Oh my god! I’m so sorry!

(Lady in Wheel Chair, also wearing sunglasses, says nothing)

Lady that’s directing the wheelchair: (stares at Seth) She’s deaf.

For the rest of the trip, anytime we saw somebody in a wheelchair we joked about it… which officially makes us horrible people.

After all that we did more wandering and occasional gambling. Seth, who was definitely drunk, put down 2 dollars on a horse called “Booger Street” because it had 35/1 odds. As we were watching the race, Seth turns to me and gave me some wonderful insight into the world of horse racing, and also one of the better quotes of the trip:

“You wanna whip it a lot because when you whip it it goes faster.”

Although Booger Street did exceed expectations and finish in third place, it was not good enough to win Seth his money. But a valiant effort indeed. Anyway, we finally didn’t all reunite as a group until around 8:00. That’s when we met in one of the rooms and started drinking in the hotel. During this time, Seth passed out on the couch. And I mean passed the fuck out. We did the works, putting beer cans and boxes on top of him, and even put his hand in a glass of warm water. Finally we woke him up and he started uttering incoherent blabber towards us.

After this we headed to a New York themed hotel to hit up a club. The club was slightly underwhelming… I didn’t get a drink because I didn’t feel like paying fifteen dollars for one. Plus there were only three girls dancing that were by themselves, and groups of guys literally went up to them every five minutes. So I did not feel like being cliché.

Lastly, we headed back towards the casino to gamble for the rest of the night. AT this point, the fact that I had not eaten for 12 hours began to take its toll, and I wandered off to search for a place to find food. I finally did, and I enjoyed what at the time felt like the greatest meal of my life: 2 eggs over with white toast, bacon and home fries… with a bud light to wash it down. After that I finally met back with everyone else.

Another funny moment ensued when Goldberg’s friend Jeff, apparently hitting the ultimate peak of frustration with the combined fact that he was losing tons of money in blackjack and that he had ordered a diet coke an hour ago and still hadn’t received it, finally lost it and subsequently stood and up and the top of his lungs screamed “WAAAAAAAAIIIITTTREEEEESSSSSS!” The floor manager immediately came over to make him stop, and the waitress, reasonably pissed off came over and finally took his order. There’s no chance that she didn’t at least spit in his drink, if not worse.

We finally went to bed that night around 6 am and got about four hours of sleep before having to wake up, pack, shower and check out.

Monday was a long day full of traveling. Luckily our plane suffered no delays, and despite Mike’s threat to explode the plane, – which he proclaimed through the airport’s Wifi service and was extremely fortunate not to be labeled as a security threat – we made it home safely.

Man, what a weekend. As much as I hated to leave, I was looking forward to not having to keep spending money excessively. But it was well worth it. My first trip to sin city was definitely a success, and despite a knee injury that will probably linger for at least a few weeks, it was probably one of the best trips I’ve ever had. I highly recommend that place. It’s crazy because everybody was blatantly drinking from open containers while walking the strip, and not only did no one get reprimanded for it, we didn’t even see a single cop the entire weekend. You could probably kill somebody on the strip and get away with it. On that note, no wonder they never found the dude that killed 2pac.

Despite no encounters with Mike Tyson, no drunken marriages, and no tigers in the bathroom, we had pretty much just as good of a time as the dudes from the Hangover. I didn’t exactly fully stick to the code of “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” since i posted everything here, but I at least had enough sense not to mention the hooker we were forced to bury in the desert after…

whoops, I said too much.

One thought on “VEGAS BABY

  1. This Seth character sounds like real trouble…..and a lush

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