My New Haircut.

Today I am getting a haircut.

I wish I had the ability to cut my own hair… but anybody who actually knows me will attest that it is probably not a good idea for me to consistently hold scissors within close proximity of my head. But here’s what I dislike about haircuts:

First of all, when did haircuts get so expensive? It costs me like 15 bucks just to get a freaking #2! They only use one blade!  It’s probably the easiest 15 bucks my barber will make all day.

Secondly… small talk. Oh god do I hate small talk. I prefer just to sit there in silence while he does his work and I just can watch in the mirror. But no, my barber insists on talking to me. EVERY TIME I go to my barber he always asks me the same question: “So you’re home from school?” I graduated 10 months ago and have had several haircuts from him since then and yet he still asks me that same question every freaking time. Then of course the next question: “What did you study?” And then when I respond ‘English’… he asks me “Do you wanna teach?” It’s like fuckin’ Groundhog Day every time I set foot in that god forsaken place.

Thirdly, my hair grows so freaking fast. I don’t even like shaving my head, but I do it anyway because it’s the only way I can stay away from the barbershop for a good month and a half. I get my hair cut and about a month later I have an afro. Ok, not really. And I shouldn’t even really be complaining considering some people would die to have a head of hair as blissful and full as mine… but it’s still annoying.

So when I get my hair cut, I don’t even like it for a week. But that extra week buys me more time. It has its benefits though… it takes me two seconds to dry my head when I get out of the shower. And I guess that’s really it. I wish I was one of those people that could grow out their hair for a long time and have it look good. That’s become a style over the last few years. I think Jim Halpert from the Office officially popularized it. The “unkempt, I don’t give a shit” look. But the longer my hair gets the dumber it looks. I wish I had curly hair.

A week after I get my haircut is when I like it. And then the “peak” is about 2 to 3 and a half weeks after a haircut. So if I have a specific event I want to look my best for, then I’ll get a haircut about two weeks before. In this case, my birthday party is in 18 days.

Maybe I’ll do something differently today. Bleach it blonde or something. When I was 8th grade I got blonde streaks in my hair and it looked pretty awesome. Or maybe I’ll get a tape-up and turn into a guido. I hate having to do my hair though. I haven’t put a single ounce of gel in my hair in eight years. Hmmm… maybe that’s why I don’t get girls.

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