Monthly Archives: April 2010

04.29.10
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Making Decisions

I truly hate having to make decisions. Especially when there are two intriguing options, things that had they been isolated I would be more than happy to do on any given day. But of course, things never work out that way.

Then you’re forced to make a decision and then you hurt some people’s feelings no matter what decision you choose. It’s ugly. If I had it my way, I would never make a decision for the rest of my life.

Then how would my decisions get made, you ask? Because you can’t just… do nothing. Although, doing nothing would technically be a decision also, wouldn’t it? I’d be deciding to do nothing. I just can’t win.

But I don’t know, maybe I could pick out of a hat. Or a magic 8 ball. Or one of those flappy paper things that you used to make in high school where you’d name a color and then a number and that’s how many times you open and close it. You know what I’m talking about. Those things were fucking intense. I used to think those things actually worked and that they would really determine my true love. Guess not.

The thing is, I always know what decision I really want to make, but I just don’t like disappointing people. And I’m one of those people that always assumes they make the wrong decision. I suppose it’s one of those “the grass is greener on the other side” kind of deals.

I’m an indifferent person in general. I like it that way. I’m not very opinionated and I live in ignorance. But when I’m forced to make some type of decision, an internal struggle suddenly develops within my soul that ruptures the entirety of my being.

Alright, maybe not. But I don’t like it.

I think after reading this, you probably all think that I made a bad decision in deciding to write this particular blog.

Oh well. Can’t win ‘em all.

TOMORROW’S FRIDAY LET’S GET DRUNK

04.29.10
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MY BLOG = THE TRUTH

I’m very satisfied with the amount of views my blog has been getting. We are now approaching five months, and I’m very proud to say that I still have a loyal fan base. Now I know that 90% of those views are probably one person clicking over and over again *coughgreggcough*, but it’s still satisfying nonetheless.

I have made a lot of crazy proposals, created a handful of fictional dialogues and critiqued many social beliefs. I’m like a fuckin philosopher over here. Can you imagine if Aristotle had a blog? That’d be some crazy shit. I think if Aristotle and I had rival blogs, mine would be more popular. Fuck you Aristotle. What the fuck kind of name is that anyway?

I consider myself new-age philosopher. It’s not very difficult; our society is pretty retarded nowadays. Just look at what is popular: facebook, twitter, Miley Cyrus, Jersey shore…

A lot of us are spoiled because we’re fairly intelligent, come from a nice town, and surround ourselves with other people that are fairly intelligent. But that’s not how the world really is. The majority of people in this world are stupid. And ignorant. And lazy. I used to think that the Electoral College system was a dumb idea, but it makes much more sense to me now when you realize how dense the American public really is. But that’s neither here nor there.

My point is, my blog may seem silly and foolish at times, but I speak the truth, god dammit. Everything I say is right. Why else would you be here? People come here to be enlightened. And I have plenty more insight to share with you all.

Not that I don’t try to be silly sometimes, just a few weeks ago I said that Obama should give free health care to pirates. But that’s just to lure you all into a false sense of security, and then BAM! I spit the truth right in yo’ face!

Clearly, as you can see, I had no idea what to write for a blog today. So much for all that intelligence I was talking about.  Fuck, it’s late. Time to sleep.

But Aristotle, seriously… go fuck yourself.

04.27.10
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You Know What Really Grinds My Gears?

You know what really sucks? When you like a girl, and she doesn’t like you back.

And I’m not even saying this in an over-emotional, dramatic, whiny bitch sort of way. That’s not why I’m here. That’s not why WordPress pays me the big bucks to keep this blog going. There’s not even a specific occurrence that’s happened recently that has spurred this particular post. It’s just a thought that lingers.

Now that I’ve prefaced it with that last paragraph, let me get to what I’m talking about.

It sucks when you like a girl and she doesn’t like you back. Of course for the obvious reasons: you have feelings for her, you care for her, you think she’s hot, and you want to be with her, blah blah blah. Then in an instant all that is stripped from you. Then you see her with another guy. Obviously that sucks. 99% of men have experienced this. The rest are either homosexual or lack reproductive organs, like smurfs.

But that’s STILL not even what I’m talking about. What sucks about liking a girl, and her not liking you back… is the rejection.

There is something about you, some quality you possess – whether it is something about your appearance, your behavior, your personality, etc. – that she finds utterly deplorable. Something so appalling to her that she simply can’t stand the thought of being with you for another second.

In other words, you were just rejected as a human being.

You put everything out there, the best of who you are, put it all on display… and she wanted nothing to do with it.

And don’t give me that “oh, I think you’re a nice guy…. I wanted it to work… but I just didn’t get that feeling” bullshit. I’ve heard it all. I’m sure most of you have too. There’s ALWAYS another reason other than that B.S. she’s spewing to you. And a real specific reason too.

I’ve always been so tempted – and I may actually do it next time – to call a girl back that just broke up with me… and just say: “why?” not even in an angry way, not in a desperate attempt to win her back, but just so that for once, I can know why. Know why I was rejected. At least this way, I know what to work on in the future. Maybe I can even spot some type of pattern.

I don’t know why guys ever remain friends with girls that broke up with them. Most of the time it’s probably because they’re still in love and desperately want to win her back. Suckers. But, whenever I look that girl in the face, all I’d be able to ever think is: “You rejected me.”

Everything you are, everything you’ve done in your entire life leading up this point, everything you’ve ever believed in… was not good enough for this one person. They took a good hard look at you, and they told you to fuck off.

Now, think about all that, and tell me that it doesn’t suck. Makes you feel pretty good, right?

04.26.10
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Life’s Little Adventures

Do I miss college?

Well, of course. It’s impossible to not miss college. It’s four years of pretty much getting to do whatever the fuck you want. Unlimited opportunities to go out and party and get drunk, and not only is there nobody around to tell you not to, but everyone is only encouraging you to drink more. It’s a fantastic place, and something you absolutely take for granted when you are there.

It’s the first visit back that gets ya. Heading back there, and not really feeling like you ever left, but at the same time feeling like you don’t really belong. It’s almost like an identity crisis. Then when you have to leave, it’s just depressing. You get home, and it finally hits you that you are never going to get to live like that again.

Sure, one day (hopefully) I’ll be living on my own and be making a decent salary. Then I can do whatever the fuck I want. However, it’s not as socially acceptable as when you’re in college.

However, it has now been (looks at calendar, tries counting fingers unsuccessfuly, grabs abacus) eleven months since I have gotten home from binghamton, and I think it’s safe to say that I have finally moved on.

That’s why I was really looking forward to going back this weekend. I’ve finally accepted that college was over, yet I still get to experience it for one weekend. It’s like a free weekend. I get to return to my college ways and not feel like I’m trying to “cling” to it. I was just enjoying the weekend. Didn’t try to act like I still belonged there, yet at the same time I knew that that’s no reason why I can’t have a great time.

Oh man, was it a good weekend. I’ve previously explained my affection for day-drinking – if it’s for a good reason. Well, all-day block parties are pretty good reason. And that was my Saturday.

I ended up being so fucked up by the end of the day that I literally couldn’t move. I distinctly remember sitting on the ouch, then attempting to stand up and move to a bed, then upon standing up… the world rapidly rotating around me. I immediately was forced to sit right back down. AWESOME TIME.

Now, I’m back home. Back to working my part-time job at a full-time rate, and making some money for my next adventure. Because when college ends, that’s what you come to realize. It’s those little adventures you take that make it all worth it. Until then, you’re just waiting for the next one. Last month it was Vegas, this month it was Binghamton, next month… who the hell knows where it’ll be.

Fun times in life don’t end with college. College was just another one of those adventures. Not a little one, but a big one. The little ones come around more often, but the big adventures are the ones that define you. When they come, you gotta grab it by the fuckin’ horns and enjoy the ride. And hopefully you’ll get to share it with others.

Good times with good people. What more could you want?

It’s that simple.

04.22.10
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STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

so today I was supposed to be covering a high school baseball game at 4:30 and I was all ready to do it and make some money and I went for a run  before and while i was running it absolutely beautiful out so I finished and then got home and took a shower and then all of a sudden I got out of the shower and looked out the window and it was pouring outside! It was crazy! So I texted my editor jokingly saying that ‘I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume this game is canceled” except I didn’t say ‘gonna’ because when you work in journalism it’s not cool to misspell words even if it is by text message so I wrote ‘going to’, but he responded “yeah…” so i was a little disappointed because I had nothing else to do and wanted to make some money, but I put on my jammies and started watching tv and then fifteen minutes later all of a sudden it was nice out again! So I called my editor to make sure it was definitely canceled and he said he would assume so but that he’ll call the school to find out, and then he called me back like 5 minutes later saying that the game was still on!! So I had to hustle down there and I watched the entire game and it was pretty cold out there I wore a sweatshirt but I should have brought a jacket or something because I was shivering by the end, but it ended up being a good game and I got my post-game interviews and then went home and watched the mets and the nfl draft. the mets won and the jets drafted cornerback kyle wilson out of boise state who was supposedly one of the best playmakers in the draft so I am very content with the pick and now we have more tools for our already-stacked defense to work with. Now I’m just relaxing and writing this blog and then tomorrow I am going back to binghamton and if I don’t throw up at least one time there it means I didn’t party hard enough.

If you actually managed to make it through all that, i know what you are thinking…

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04.21.10
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Facebook… again.

It’s been a while since I have complained about facebook.

I’ve been saying for a while now that facebook is one of the main downfalls of our society. Well now, I say that facebook is singlehandedly the downfall of our society.

There used to be games where you can live vicariously within a computer. They started out harmless and small, and were  originally aimed as creative children’s games. Examples of this are games like Sim City. You got to create your own towns and watch as they either grow or falter based on how well you establish and run it. Then those games started to progress. You were able to create your own character, and begin to run their life. You get a job, you buy a house, and… you have sex.

This wasn’t a children’s game anymore.

But even I remember playing that game in my younger years. It was fun. But then, that’s when things started to advance even further. Next, that Second Life bullshit came out. I still don’t even know exactly what that is. But you create your own character, usually some type of variation of yourself (or rather, how you really wish you were…), and you literally enter a world with other characters that were created by other people. And it’s just like a normal life. Basically, it’s meant for people that suck at running their own life and have to create another one over the computer. This is where things got really sketchy. You met other characters, but you don’t know who they really are. Could be a 50 year old fat man from Brooklyn posing as an 18 year old Miami chick. Who the fuck knows? Well, Chris Matthews might.

That’s essentially what facebook has become! Except this time, you’re not creating a fake alias. You are exactly who you are, but the internet version. Everything you do over the internet is now confined into one place. Soon enough you won’t need to ever visit another site.

The best way to put is this: it is an extension of your life. You don’t live vicariously through it anymore, You just live it, period. You know how you act differently depending on what set of people you’re around? Maybe you act one way with your family, another way with your friends, and another way with your acquantances/people you just met, etc. Well now, people act a certain way on facebook. So there’s your actual self, and then there’s your facebook self.

And you gotta maintain your facebook rep. Someone makes fun of you on your wall? X that shit out before any one sees it. And god forbid a girl saw it, she’d never talk to you again! If you ain’t cool on facebook, you ain’t cool in general. That’s how it is.

Well, I handle it the opposite away. Because I’m not insecure. I know who I am, and if people don’t like me, then fuck em. I’m not the slightest bit worried that anything I ever say or do on facebook is going to affect my actual life in any way, shape or form. In fact, I try to embarrass myself on facebook as much as I can. I don’t take it seriously, and it’s funny as hell. I hate everything that facebook represents, but if it’s there, might as well take advantage of it.

I’m not even gonna bother talking about all the pointless, stupid, mundane statuses that people put on a daily basis. That comes with the territory. People are self-deprecating, they’re attention whores, they’re annoying… it’s always been that way. Facebook just brings it to light.

The main concern I have is the reliance that some people have on facebook. You may have thought I was kidding before, but there are actually people out there that consider their facebook page a large part of their own personal representation. What I mean by that is: People are starting to believe that what occurs on their facebook walls is what defines them (their “facebook rep”), as opposed to what they do in real life (their actions, their words, etc.). I know at least a couple of people that think that. And THAT is scary. But again, those are mainly people that suck at real life and think that they could be cooler on facebook than they are in reality. But at the end of the day… what does that accomplish?

Wow, you have 643 facebook friends! But how many of them are really your friends? I’d take 10 true, real-life friends that genuinely care about me any day over 1,000 facebook friends.

As for me, I prefer reality. It may be a bitch sometimes, but… it’s real.

04.19.10
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RaNdOm

(Did you see how the title of this post was in both capital letters and lowercase letters. Cool, right?)

A Day in the life of me:

So I was watching some of the country music awards last night, and my girlfriend Taylor Swift performed and did a fantastic job. She is attractive obviously, and a good songwriter, but she doesn’t get enough credit for her vocals. Sure she’s young and her voice still hasn’t fully devloped, but the girl could definitely sing yo. She goes crazy at the end of the performance which is pretty awesome. Everytime I see her on TV I fall more in love.

Oh, and I heard this song today for the first time and I believe it just recently leaked. It’s called Airplanes part 2 by new hip-hop star B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams of Paramore and Eminem. I’ve listened to it like five times already today and I recommend you all hear it out because it’s pretty good. Check it out here:

http://www.usershare.net/ap884jgh04vo

I’ve actually been fairly busy of late with work and trying to work on my screenplays so that I can become famous and don’t have to keep doing this blog. Actually if I was famous that would give me more reason to keep the blog going because than people would actually read it. I would never be one of those douchebag celebrities that have a twitter account.

Alright, I’m gonna go watch Avatar for the eighth time. Peace.

Oh, and people that put their middle name instead of their real name on facebook are the scum of the earth.

04.15.10
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Justin Bieber.

For about the past 8-10 months, there probably hasn’t been a single person that’s been talked about more than Justin Bieber. He’s everywhere; all over the radio, all over the TV, all over my itunes… everywhere.

And he’s like thirteen years old. Alright, maybe 15. I don’t know. The point is, he hasn’t even gone through puberty yet, and you can tell when you hear his songs because upon listening to him you think you hearing a prepubescent girl. But, it’s not. He even looks kind of like a girl too.

Girls love him. Especially teenage girls. Guys hate him. Probably because they’re jealous. Sure, most guys flat-out don’t like that type of music, but c’mon. The kid’s like twelve years old, already has more money than we’ll ever make in our lives, can sing, and can probably get any girl he wants (that’s under 18, of course.) Who the fuck wouldn’t want that?

The way he was discovered was pretty crazy. Posted a couple of songs on youtube, and suddenly Usher and Justin Timberlake are rushing to sign him. Usher got there first, and now he’s making a shitload of money off this kid. Youtube strikes again! Maybe I should I start posting clips of myself singing so that I can get discovered? Hmmm….

Bieber sings about the things you expect a fifteen year old to sing about… having crushes on girls, being in love… wait, being in love?! You’re fucking 15 years old, what have you ever loved besides your teddy bear that you sleep with at night? Oy!

For my current job, I write articles about high school sports. So basically I just have to go to the schools, sit, and watch high-school girls run around. Essentially, I’m doing what I always do, except now I’m getting paid (just kidding!)

But anyway, the other day I was interviewing this girl that got the game-winning hit. I asked her: “So what was going through your head while you were at the plate?” She responds: “I was singing Justin Bieber in my head.”

Wow.

It took all the willpower I had not to laugh in her face. It was pretty funny. But that just exemplifies the popularity of this motherfucker. He is taking over the freaking world, one empty-headed, easily-influenced teenage girl at a time. I’ll admit though, “One Time” is pretty catchy.

I think just writing this particular post will make my blog popular by association. Just the mentions of Bieber will make this blog more relatable to the public. Bieber. Bieber.

Bieber. Bieber. Bieber.

No matter what you think of him, you gotta him his props for all that he’s accomplished before he’s even lost of his freaking baby teeth. What the heck were you doing when you were fifteen? Don’t hate the playa, hate the game.

Bieber.

04.14.10
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Evergreen High: Episode Three

Episode 3.

“Protons and Neutrons”

Setting: Evergreen High, midday.

Sampson is alone at his locker. He takes a couple books from inside the locker and puts them into his backpack. Suddenly, he hears a voice from behind him.

TANYA

Hey you!

Sampson has an odd expression on his face at hearing the voice. However, he then smiles and turns around to face Tanya.

SAMPSON

Hey! What’s up?

TANYA

[Grabs onto the front of his shirt]

Oh, nothing.  Just thinking about the other night… at the football game.

SAMPSON

Yeah…

TANYA

I really like you Sampson.

SAMPSON

Yeah, Tanya… I, uh… I really like you too.

Tanya smiles, and then gives Sampson a kiss. The bell rings.

TANYA

Oops, I gotta go! I’ll talk to you soon.

Tanya runs off. We see Sampson, who has a pained look on his face as he watches Tanya walk off. He then turns around and heads for class. On the other side of the hallway, we see Austin leaning against his locker, watching Sampson walk away. His face is expressionless. Finally, he turns around and walks into class. He sits next to Devin.

AUSTIN

I’m gonna kill him.

DEVIN

Kill who?

AUSTIN

Sampson.

DEVIN

Relax, man. So they kissed. Big deal.

AUSTIN

I don’t care. He stole her from me. Now he has to pay.

DEVIN

That’s a little excessive.

TEACHER

Will you boys keep it quiet back there?

DEVIN

Sorry.

Desiree, who is sitting a row behind Austin, turns to Kelly, who is sitting next to her.

DESIREE

Did you hear?

KELLY

Hear what?

DESIREE

Austin. He’s gonna fight Sampson.

KELLY

Really? What for?

DESIREE

I don’t know. Something about stealing his girlfriend?

KELLY

I didn’t know he had a girlfriend! That’s a shame… I always thought he was cute.

DESIREE

Alright, it’s not always about you, Kelly. Don’t be so selfish.

KELLY

Sorry. So what’s the latest with Devin?

As she says this, Desiree turns to look at Devin. He’s sitting there staring at the teacher, but not really paying attention. He then looks over the corner of the room, where there sits an empty desk. He turns to Austin.

DEVIN

Ashley’s absent again…

AUSTIN

Huh?

DEVIN

Ashley. She hasn’t been in school since the football game. I wonder what happened.

AUSTIN

You know what else happened at the football game?

DEVIN

Oh man, not again.

AUSTIN

That nerd is dead.

TEACHER

Austin, I can hear you back there! One more word and I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Is what you’re talking about so important it can’t wait until after class?

At these words, Austin stands up.

TOM

This should be good.

AUSTIN

Actually, it is important. It’s the more important thing in the world. Because it’s my life. You’re sitting up there talking about the dilemmas that exist between subatomic particles. But you know what? What about my dilemmas? I’d do anything to switch places with a proton right now. And you know why? Because protons are never alone. Every proton has a neutron to pair with it. They share the nucleus. And they’re happy. But me… I’m neither a proton nor a neutron. I’m an electron. I have no counterpart, nor will I ever. I live in a nucleus, alright. But my nucleus… it’s empty. And it always will be.

Austin storms out of the classroom.

TOM

Yup, I was not disappointed.

We cut forward to the end of the school day. Devin is standing at his locker, talking to a few other guys. Desiree approaches him.

DESIREE

Hey Dev!

DEVIN

Hey Desiree, what’s up?

DESIREE

Oh, nothing. Just saying hi!

DEVIN

Oh… OK. Say, have you heard anything about Ashley? Is she sick or something?

DESIREE

[Appears angry for a second, and then recovers]

You know… I’ve heard some strange rumors about that girl.

DEVIN

You have? Like what?

DESIREE

That umm… she’s…. that she’s…. crazy.

DEVIN

[Laughs]

Crazy? What do you mean? She seems fine to me.

DESIREE

Well that’s how crazy people work, don’t they? Fine one day, then they wake up on wrong the side of the bed and they go insane. I’ve heard she’s even spent time in a mental institution.

DEVIN

[Pensive]

Heh… I gotta admit, I find that a little hard to believe…

DESIREE

Well, like I said. It’s just a rumor. Take it for what it’s worth. So what’s the deal with Austin wanting to kill Sampson? Everyone in the school is talking about it!

DEVIN

What? Where’d you hear that?

DESIREE

Oh… you know how this school works. Somebody overhears somebody else in class, and then tells somebody else. Before you know it, it spreads like wildfire.

DEVIN

Right…

Kelly, who is standing behind Desiree, notices Sampson walking down the hall. She lowers her eyes in suspicion and then starts following him. She watches as he walks out the back doors. Watching through the window, she sees Tanya run up to him and give him a hug. Kelly’s eyes light up as she watches. Instantly, she turns and starts running back towards Devin and Desiree. She looks around, and then spots Austin at his locker and runs up to him.

KELLY

Austin!

AUSTIN

What?

KELLY

Sampson and Tanya! I just saw them kissing in the back of the school.

Austin instantly freezes. His head turns in the direction of the back doors, and then he starts walking. As he walks, everyone he passes stops what they’re doing to watch him. You can see them all whispering excitedly to each other.

Meanwhile, in the back of the school. Tanya and Sampson are talking.

TANYA

So what are you doing tonight? Wanna catch a movie?

SAMPSON

Oh, I don’t know. I kind of have a lot of work to do…

TANYA

Nonsense! What’s more important, work or me?

SAMPSON

Umm…

TANYA

That’s what I thought. I’ll call you later!

She gives Sampson a kiss on the cheek and then walks away towards the parking lot. She’s halfway there when she hears a large commotion back from where she just came from. She notices a large group of people are forming a circle. Intrigued, she heads back over to watch. In the circle, she sees Austin and Sampson face-to-face.

AUSTIN

You have a lot of explaining to do!

SAMPSON

What are you talking about?!

AUSTIN

I saw you at the football game with Tanya… kissing.

Sampson says nothing.

AUSTIN

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Austin grabs hold of Sampson, and then cocks his arm back to throw a punch.

SAMPSON

WAIT! Wait a minute! You don’t understand! I don’t even like her! It was a mistake… I shouldn’t have kissed her!

Austin lowers his arm.

AUSTIN

So… you’re not gonna date her?

SAMPSON

No.

Austin stares down Sampson, and then finally let’s go of him as he falls to the ground. Austin walks back into the school. Sampson, breathing quickly, looks around at everyone staring at him, and then he notices Tanya staring at the edge of the crowd. She gives him a horrified look, and looks like she’s about to cry. Finally, she bolts off.

SAMPSON

[From the ground]

Tanya… wait!

 The rest of the crowd watches as she runs away, and Sampson just continues to lie there in shame. Everyone instantly starts talking to each other about what just happened. Meanwhile, Tom just stands there in the back with a grin on his face.

TOM

This place never lets me down.

END SCENE

Will Tanya and Sampson reconcile?

Will Devin actually heed Desiree’s “warning?”

Will Sampson exact revenge on Austin?

Will I drink a red or a yellow Gatorade as soon as I finish typing this?

Find out on the next episode of… EVERGREEN HIGH

04.12.10
by

I Just Cut Myself Shaving.

Mother fucker. Now I have to hold a tissue there for like six and a half-minutes until it subsides and then I’m left with a bloody tissue that I don’t know what to do with. Thank god it’s physically impossible to give yourself aids.

I wonder what Michael Clarke Duncan is doing at this exact moment

LATA