I Am The Fucking Man

I’m not one to be a narcissist, but I am fucking awesome.

I have no shame admitting it. I try to be humble, but it’s just hard when you exude so much excellence.

But seriously, I’m good looking enough, I’m funny (obviously), I have a wonderful personality, and I’m just an extremely good-hearted, likeable individual. What the fuck more can you want?

And what’s the big deal about narcissism, anyway? If self-deprecation is so popular, why can’t people be the opposite? “Wahhh my life sucks, wahhh… FML!!! I have the worst luck ever… only bad things happen to me!!!” Shut the fuck up!

Plus I can be a dick if I need to be. I’m not exactly the poster-child when it comes to being very muscular, but I will always stand up for myself – and any of my friends – whenever I need to. Because there’s no reason that I, or any of you, should have to take shit from any one. Remember that.

I am just the ideal human. Alright, maybe not. But how can you not say that isn’t a healthy outlook? Think highly of yourself, people.

I think the reason why I don’t have as much success with ladies as I could have is because I’m the one that rejects them. It’s not that I keep getting rejected, I just don’t try enough because I’m really picky. Because I am a motherfucking catch.

Just take it for what it is, and consider yourself lucky that you were able to befriend me at some point in your life.

What’s the key to it, you ask? Be polite. Be friendly. Just be yourself. Stay in shape. Smile. Be confident in yourself. Don’t ever assume that any one is better than you. And most importantly of all, treat your friends well. Because without your friends, you have nothing.

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