So today – and by today I mean 40 minutes ago, and by 40 minutes ago I mean yesterday, since most of you will be reading this tomorrow on the 21st – marks the anniversary of a historic day in American history.
Naturally, none of you probably have any idea what I’m referring to. Not that I’m saying you all are stupid, you all very well might be, but not for this reason.
It’s just that I don’t that any citizens are more out of touch of their own country’s history than Americans. We’re so far advanced and powerful that we take everything for granted. Plus if we celebrated the anniversary of every little thing, then every single day would be a party. Not that that wouldn’t be awesome, though.
But, July 20th is a historic day. Not because it marks the anniversary of the day that the Special Olympics were founded, nor because it is the birth date of legendary pop singer Vitamin C, but because it is the 41st anniversary of:
Exactly 41 years ago today, a Mr. Neil Armstrong and his trusty sidekick Buzz Lightyear were the first men to ever set foot on that shiny orb in the sky that we call the moon.
It’s a pretty spectacular accomplishment that even gains my approval, and I don’t hand that out very often. Only three times in my life have I ever given approval of anything:
1) The invention of the twinkie
2) Flushable baby wipes
3) The moon landing
That’s it. Oh, and one more thing. How can I ever forget… the Hip-Hop Magician.
Yes… that is, in fact, a real thing.
So yeah, the moon landing was a pretty impressive feat. It’s a pretty cool story to tell people what you have done. If I was Neil Armstrong, I would just go to bars and stand behind people when they brag about their accomplishments, and when they finish talking I would jump in and say “Oh yea? That’s a pretty cool thing to do. You know what else is cool? Walking on the motherfucking moon!”
Even people that have climbed Mount Everest can’t top that story.
But you know what kind of pisses me off about all this? Sure, we landed on the moon. Good… great… but that was 41 years ago. What the hell have we accomplished since then? What did we go there for?
Why aren’t there lunar colonies by now? Why don’t we live on Mars? We spend so much time updating the goddamn Ipod Touch, but we can’t colonize a civilization on the moon? Why the heck not? What the hell is NASA even doing these days? I pay valuable tax dollars so that one day I can get drunk and pass out in a crater on Neptune, and yet, I see no progress.
Isn’t that why we’re here? To explore the boundaries of our universe? Don’t you want to know what’s out there before you die? This is one of those rolls that I go on where I can’t stop asking hypothetical questions.
Seriously though, you all saw WALL-E… don’t you want to live like that? Although, the point of that movie is really that we’re not supposed to live that way. So… bad example.
Mark this moment in history as the day the Weinblog© personally challenged NASA to step up their shit and find out what the hell is out there. I WANT TO KNOW. If there are aliens out ere, and they come across my blog, feel free to leave a comment. Although In all likelihood they probably do not speak English…
The moon landing was impressive. Key word: was. It’s time we stopped living off that one accomplishment, stopped devoting so much energy towards creating more iphone applications, and started getting all our shit to the freaking moon.
Otherwise, I’ll have to do it myself. Who’s coming with me?!?!?!?!