I Throw My Hands Up in the Air Sometimes, Sayin’ Ayoooo

Has anyone actually ever tried doing that? Because when you think about it, it kind of seems like a weird thing to do.

If I’m walking down the street and all of a sudden some dude just stops in their tracks, throws their hands up in the air and shouts “AYOOOOOO!” I’d probably look at them like they are out of their goddamn mind.

But I guess when your name is Taio you can just do whatever the hell you want. Maybe I’ll try it tomorrow.

Not that I’m attempting to criticize that song… I actually like it. It’s very catchy and a great song to listen to when you are out lighting up the dance flo’.

But… it’s not exactly the apex of music as far as lyrics go. If you ever take a music lyrics course in college, I don’t think the professor would use this song as a measuring stick for top-notch writing…

I came to dance, dance, dance, dance
I hit the floor ’cause that’s my plans, plans, plans, plans
I’m wearin’ all my favorite brands, brands, brands, brands
Give me some space for both my hands, hands, hands, hands
Yeah, yeah

Hmmm…

‘dance’ and ‘plans’ is a slant rhyme, so I won’t bash Mr. Cruz for that. But, when half the words for each line are the same word… it makes you wonder how stupid of a society we all are that we let a song like this become mainstream. It also makes you wonder; with lyrics like that… why can’t I write a song?!

How about something like this:

I write my blog, blog, blog, blog
My funny thoughts I’m gonna log, log, log, log
You’ll read them all and think I’m weird, weird, weird, weird
Just as long as you don’t think I’m queer, queer, queer, queer
Yeah, yeah

Do you not think that this couldn’t be a #1 hit in this country?!  Hell, throw in some Auto-tune and you have an international, multi-platinum best-seller. Then add in Alicia Keys singing the chorus, plus a music video of me throwing hundred dollar bills in the air with a bonfire behind me, and forget it… I’ll be able to retire a rich, rich man.

I said yesterday that I’m going to name my first child Froyo. That idea lasted 24 hours. From now on, my child’s name will be Taio. Taio Weingrad. I’m sure I’ll change my mind again tomorrow.

I would gladly forfeit half of my next paycheck if I could just have a smores pop tart in my hand right now.

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