Why Do People Do This?!

So I have a new pet peeve.

And no, it’s not girls that won’t have sex with me. Though that is definitely something that peeves me.

But, my new pet peeve is girls that feel the need to post pictures of the flowers that their boyfriend sends them on facebook.

This really makes my blood boil.

*thinks about it again, stands up, has to pace around his room twice, sits back down, takes a deep breath and allows heart rate to return to normal*

…why?

Why?

Allow me to try to delve into the mind of the girl for a moment. I know this is a near-impossible task, and something that men have been attempting to do for centuries, but I need to understand this.

Okay. So, you receive the flowers. Maybe they’re sent to your home; perhaps to your office. Maybe he delivers them to you in person.

What’s the thought process after this? Obviously, you’re very pleased. This is confirmation that he genuinely likes you (well either that or he’s just trying to keep you happy while he bangs some other chick on the side, LOL).

Then what do you do? Do you put them aside and go quietly about the rest of you day, all the while remembering in the back of your mind the nice thing that your boyfriend did for you?

Of course not. Because girls can’t do that. You can’t keep it to yourself. So this is where the natural competitiveness for girls comes into play.

For guys, we compete through sports. If you tell your other guy friends about something nice that you did for your girlfriend, then they’ll respond by calling you a fag. It’s inevitable.

So, when we play each other on in basketball, football, ping-pong, fuckin tiddlywinks, whatever… as long as there’s a winner and a loser, we compete. It’s in our blood.

Since 97% of girls do not play sports, they compete by comparing their relationships. Thus, the immediate thing to do upon receiving those flowers is not to put them aside, and not even to call their boyfriend to thank him. What they do is they whip out their Iphone, Blackberry or digital camera even  faster than a cowboy pulls out his gun while dueling in the Wild West.

They snap that picture faster than any human can possibly click any button, and before you can even blink an eye it’s already on facebook.

And they try to be subtle about it. It’s not like “hey bitches, look at what my boyfriend that’s obviously better than yours got for me! Yeah, that’s right… be jealous!”

They’ll say something like “Awww, thanks hun!” or “Look at what so-and-so sent me today!” (It’d be pretty funny if a parent actually named their kid “so-and so”)

They do this, of course, so that other girls will see this and  become jealous. Because the appearance of receiving flowers at least makes it seem like your boyfriend is a great guy. When, who knows, maybe he beats you on the side (Disclaimer: domestic abuse is not a joke and should never be performed in any way, shape or form… regardless of how poorly the sandwich that she made for you tastes.)

If this bothers me so much, I can’t even imagine how much it must piss off other girls.

It’s sickening. I witness this behavior at least once a month on facebook, and it is becoming a serious problem. The only reason he’s probably buying you flowers in the first place is because he screwed up somehow. I’m MUCH more interested in finding out about that than what the freaking flowers look like.

Again, I’m not even criticizing the actual purchasing of flowers for girls. It’s a nice gesture. I’ve even done it before. But the posting on facebook… come on. If a girl I bought flowers for posted it on facebook, that’d be a serious red flag to me.

Oh, and speaking of which, guys… buying flowers doesn’t work. It’ll buy peace and happiness for maybe three hours, four at the most, but at the end of the day… she expects a lot more from you than flowers. Remember that.

Wow, I can’t believe how long I just went on about that. I hope this diatribe didn’t put me in ill favor with any girls out there.

Wait, what’s that you say? That happened a long time ago? Well, shit.

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