Happy Rush Ashana!

Hey, it’s the Star of David! Not only does this star symbolize the Jewish religion, but it has extra meaning for my particular blog.


Yes, I know I  spelled the holiday incorrectly. That was done intentionally to symbolize how little I care about this holiday. And that’s come from a 100% full-blown Jew.

Alright, fine, a 50% Jew.

Alright, fine, a 50% Jew/ 50% Puerto Rican.

Alright, fine, a 50% Jew/50% that celebrates Christmas and had a confirmation yet has an incredibly Jewish name.

I wish I could pretend Rosh Hashanah meant something to me, and I wish I was cool enough to be able to wish everyone a happy Rosh Hashanah on Facebook. I could’ve said Shana Tova, whatever the hell that means. For all I know, it means “Fuck Jesus.”

Or if I was extra cool, I could’ve posted some Jewish symbols that nobody understands except maybe one other person! Yeah, nothing speaks “I know more about Jewish culture than you do, so I’mma speak a different freakin language than all ya suckaaaaas” then that. Screw you and your foreign codes. If you’re not speaking English then get the hell off my facebook wall, terrorist.

It’s the one day a year where all the Jews come out from hiding and pretend that they are proud of their heritage. I’m not saying that people are ashamed to be Jewish, and they shouldn’t be, but not many people parade the fact that they’re Jewish. That’s just annoying. Anybody that parades any religion is annoying. Parades in general are annoying, actually.

On that note, happy Rosh Hashanah to all my Jewish readers out there! I hope you don’t hate me now!

Moving on, VH1 released their list for top 100 artists of all time the other day, and I thought it was fairly interesting. I won’t post the whole thing, but here’s the top 10:


  1. The Beatles
  2. Bob Dylan
  3. Michael Jackson
  4. Led Zeppelin
  5. Rolling Stones
  6. Jimi Hendrix
  7. Prince
  8. Elvis Presley
  9. James Brown
  10. Stevie Wonder

Eh, of course Beatles are #1. Hard to argue with any of those, except maybe Prince. Some other notables are Justin Timberlake at #66 and Coldplay at #67. Uhh, what? According to VH1, Coldplay is more talented than Lynyrd Skynyrd, Janis Joplin, The Cure, and the Bee Gees. No… no they aren’t. Sorry. But no. Also, how is Kesha not on there?!?!?!

The list includes most people it should, but it’s like they worked hard on it until #50, and then after that were just like “eh screw it, I’m tired, let’s just write in order the first people that come to our head”

Whatever… check it out for yourself. Then feel free to comment. Actually, don’t do that since nobody comments. But think to yourself what you would say if you were to comment. Or just skip the list altogether. Or even just stop reading right now and watch TV. That’s probably what I’d do if I were you.

As you all noticed, I did not follow through with my Maria Sharapova/Caroline Wozniacki comparison post. And 99% of the reason is because Sharapova lost. In straight sets. I hate to admit it, but Wozniacki has officially replaced Sharapova as the hot up-and-coming talented tennis star. Talented is the key word there. Any hot chick could play tennis, but not many could be the #1 player in the world.

Just like not many could be the #1 blogger in the world. It wasn’t easy, either. I had to pay my dues, start at the bottom of the blogosphere (that’s right, we have our own sphere… don’t judge us) and several months later, here I am.

Just like Nelly said in his 2001 hit single, “Number 1”:

I.. am.. number one – no matter if you like it
Here take it sit down and write it
I.. am.. number one
Hey hey hey hey hey hey – now let me ask you man
What does it take to be number one?
Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers (hey)
What does it take to be number one?

Touché, Nelly. Touché. I always knew Nelly and I were always on the same page as each other. Maybe he should start a blog, and I should start a rap career…

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