Black Friday

There is nothing less appealing in the world to me than Black Friday.

Seriously. Name any activity. Anything. And I’d rather do that than go shopping on Black Friday.

That’s right. I’d rather shave my eyebrows than go to Black Friday. I’d rather jump into shark infested waters. I’d sooner have a DATE NIGHT than set foot inside of a Wal-Mart on Black Friday.

It consists of five of the things that I hate the most.

1)      Waking up super early.

2)      Standing in a long line.

3)      Being around tons of people.

4)      Cold Weather.

5)      Shopping.

While I don’t think there is any behavior that our species could partake in that would ever amaze me, this comes pretty close:

It’s a compilation of shoppers at different stores on Black Friday this past week.

I really only have one reaction upon watching that video:

If you’re a rabid, untamed, wild animal like a hyena, or a raccoon… then this is perfectly acceptable behavior. But if you’re a human being and doing this, well, then you deserve the same fate as a wild animal would receive: to be shot.

There’s no justification for this type of behavior. It’s embarrassing. And the worst part is that it’s not even for free stuff. It’s to buy things at a slightly discounted value. Basically, the same prices that you can probably find online if you knew where to look.


If you watch the video, you’ll see that people aren’t even looking at what they’re grabbing. They’re just picking up random boxes, with absolutely no idea what may be inside of it.

“Hey, I broke my arm on Black Friday and suffered a black eye while being trampled on during an onrush of stampeding idiots, but at least I saved $30 on a TV!” What a great county we live in.

It would solve so many of our world’s problems if we just bombed one of these supermarkets with all those idiots inside. Sure, we may also be losing an innocent employee that just happened to get stuck working on Black Friday, or maybe the desperate parents that needs to rely on discounted prices to buy things for their children, but… I think it’s still worth it.

Like I said before, I know how much we suck as a race. You hear shit every day that makes you shake your head. But, this… man, even I thought we were better than this.

God bless America, folks.

Oh and if you’re reading this, and you participated in Black Friday, well, my guess is that you probably won’t come back here tomorrow.

By the way, allow me to give a shout out to my girl Anne Hathaway for getting the nod to host this year’s Oscars along with James Franco. Two talented and funny people with great personalities… should make for a great show.

Plus it gives me an excuse to post a picture of Anne Hathaway. Which is always a good thing.

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