OMGz a LunaR EcLipz!@~

Did people really stay up until 2 a.m. last night to look at the moon?

The moon.

You know, that thing in the sky that is there every night?

I hear all these people talking about the eclipse, or posting pictures of the eclipse, and I’m just asking myself why.

Why do people care? Why are people so infatuated with the weather and other astronomical events? Ooh, a snowstorm! Let’s talk about it! Ooh, Mars is visible tonight! Let’s talk about it! Ooh, there’s a lunar eclipse! Let’s not shut the fuck up about it!


Guess what? While you stood outside freezing your ass off like a jackass at 2 a.m. and holding your camera like a goddamn lunatic, I was lying in my bed, fast asleep, two hours into my slumber. When I woke up this morning, I was completely refreshed and well rested, while you were dreary-eyed and exhausted because you stayed up all night looking at the moon.

One of us is smart. You can decide which one. Hint: it’s not you.

You know what I care about? Paying my student loans. Or doing a good job at work. You know, things that are actually practical to my life. Things that actually matter.

But, hey, if standing outside in the middle of the night with a telescope is something that gives you kicks, then more power to you, Galileo. Just don’t talk to me. Because you’re weird.

Maybe, MAYBE, if it was a solar eclipse, I would at least think about possibly staying up to catch a glimpse of it. But I doubt it.

I’m pretty sure that had I actually decided to watch the lunar eclipse, that in 30 years from now, I wouldn’t be thinking to myself “Hey, remember that time I saw the lunar eclipse?” But I WILL be thinking: “Hey, remember that time I got it on with that hot chick?” That is definitely a lot more memorable.

Here’s a list of things I care more about than a lunar eclipse:

– carbon dating

– the number 9

– Jello

– the middle name of the gas station attendant that pumped my gas the other day

– magma

– granola

– seaweed

– what my fortune would have been had I eaten a fortune cookie today

– what Shia Lebouf’s ethnicity is

Get the point?

And the most hysterical part about all this is the fact that we are currently amidst a freaking technological revolution! Within seconds, the footage of the lunar eclipse was available online. I could view it on my computer, and not have to stand outside in the freezing cold like a moron.

Watch, it’ll take me a few seconds to find a picture of the lunar eclipse…

wait for it…


Look at it… all circular… and red… with the stars surrounding it and actually making it look really cool… and getting progressively darker… holy shit, that’s actually pretty awesome. I wish I saw it live.

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