In light of the popularity of my original Date Night blog, I have created a sequel for your enjoyment. Because the Weinblog always gives the people what they want. I’m not linking you to the original Date Night blog this time. Look it up yourself, dipshits.
You all know how terrible it is. We all dread it. It’s a lose-lose situation. For everybody.
It is… Date Night.
Awesome Guy: Yo Loser, what are you doing tonight?
Loser: Nothing… why what’s up?
Awesome Guy: We’re all hitting the new club tonight. You in?
Loser: Hell yeah. But first I have to check with the girl.
Awesome Guy: Why are you even still allowed to have a penis?
[at Loser’s apartment]
Loser’s Girlfriend: I can’t wait to watch TV with you tonight!
Loser: Yeah… actually, I was thinking, um, I think I may go out with the guys tonight. If that’s okay with you, of course…
Loser’s Girlfriend: Don’t be ridiculous, you hate going out.
Loser: What? That’s not true.
Loser’s Girlfriend: Fine, go. Leave me all alone.
Loser: Now you’re making me feel guilty.
Loser’s Girlfriend: No, go out. Have fun. [starts to cry] I’ll just stay here… all alone…
Loser: But… but…
Loser’s Girlfriend: [still crying] Do you not like being with me?
Loser: Of course I do!
Loser’s Girlfriend: [instantly stops crying] Great! So you’ll stay with me tonight, then.
Loser: [sigh] Alright.
Awesome Guy: … Yeah, so we’ll get wasted beforehand, and then we’ll go and hit the club and find some chicks.
Awesome Guy’s Friend: Nice. Sounds good.
Awesome Guy: Wait, hold on a second, my phone is ringing. Oh, it’s Loser. [answers phone] Wassup Loser?
Loser: [through phone] Sorry man, I can’t make it out tonight.
Awesome Guy: Shocking.
Loser: I tried, man.
Awesome Guy: Nah, you didn’t.
Loser: I did!
Awesome Guy: You didn’t try.
Loser: How would you even know that? I wanted to come!
Awesome Guy: I can’t even hear you anymore because your gayness is actually seeping through the phone.
Loser: That… doesn’t even make sense.
Awesome Guy: Alright, can’t talk anymore. Gotta go. You’re a fag. Bye. [hangs up]
[Awesome Guy and friends arrive at bar]
Awesome Guy’s Friend: Hey look at that sign! It says “cool people drink free tonight!”
Awesome Guy: Should you ever doubt me? Ever?
Awesome Guy’s Friend: Never.
Awesome Guy: Damn right. Now let’s go have a night, fellas. It’s go time.
[back at the apartment…]
Loser: Okay, since I agreed to stay with you tonight, can we at least do something fun?
Loser’s Girlfriend: Absolutely! But first, I need to ask you something.
Loser’s Girlfriend: Where are we, Loser?
Loser: In my apartment…
Loser’s Girlfriend: No, I mean where are we? Like in our relationship?
Loser: Oh God.
[Awesome Guy is making out with an extremely hot girl. Finally, he steps aside and goes to his friend]
Awesome Guy: Oh man, I’m so wasted! This is awesome!
Awesome Guy’s Friend: Another great night man! By the way, where’s Loser?
Awesome Guy: Date night again!
Awesome Guy’s Friend: There are two dudes making out in the corner of this bar over there. And even that is straighter than what you just said.
[back at apartment…]
Loser’s Girlfriend: …and it’s just.. I don’t know, that.. my friends all think we should put some type of label on our relationship. What do you think? Are you even listening?
Loser: …What? Yeah, of course… label. I think that’s what you said. I agree.
Loser’s Girlfriend: You asshole.
[Awesome Guy is doing a kegstand while the entire bar cheers him on. He finishes.]
Awesome Guy: I love this place!
Awesome Guy’s Friend: Wooooh!
Owner: Hello gentlemen. I am the owner of this establishment. I couldn’t help but notice how awesome you guys are. I want to give you this club, free of charge.
Awesome Guy’s Friend: This is the BEST NIGHT EVER.
Loser’s Girlfriend: So, I think we should officially move in together. Do you agree?
Loser: If I say yes, can we have sex?
Loser’s Girlfriend: Ugh, you’re sick. We are over! [storms out of apartment]
Loser: Hmm, maybe I should have went out tonight. Eh, I doubt they actually did anything fun…