Believe it or not, but there are actually other countries in the world besides the United States. I know, it came as a shock to me too!

In Egypt, there is some pretty crazy shit going on right now. The citizens have revolted against the current president, have overthrown the government, and have begun a revolution.

A revolution.

The only things we actually know about revolutions are what we learned about them in history class in high school. Or if you’ve listened to the song “Revolution” by the Beatles (great song.) or if you’ve watched the movie “Revolutionary Road” starring Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio (quality movie.)

Many countries — if not most — have had a revolution. It’s basically how countries are formed in the first place. Even our own country had one. But when do we actually get to see them? I would think this is a pretty rare, once-in-a-lifetime-type occurrence. It’s one thing to have a rebel group start shit, but to have an entire country successfully overthrow a government, that is pretty spectacular.

Now I am not going to sit here and pretend that I know a lot about it. But I’ve read a little, and watched a little on the news, and the basic gist that I got is the people were fed up with their current government led by president Hosni Mubarek, and, inspired by the Tunisian uprising that began last month (which actually resulted in the Tunisian president fleeing the country), they began protesting. The Egyptians are seeking more of a democratic-type government, where the people can have more say.

Alright, now I’ve filled you in with the “Egyptian uprising for dummies.” Like I said before, I watched a little bit of it on the news yesterday, and it’s pretty crazy. Technically, there really is no government in Egypt right now. The news crew was driving on the main highway towards Cairo, and every couple of miles they would be stopped by a group of protesters, who would check to make sure they aren’t government workers.

It’s like when you quit your job, and you’re looking for a new job, but in the meantime you’re not currently working anywhere, so you say to other people that you are currently “between jobs” since it sounds much better. Well, right now, Egypt is currently “between governments.”

The New York Times has a bunch of pictures of it on their website.

Today, the Egyptian Army said they will not open fire on protesters who are against the president, which pretty much means the protesters are winning.

Okay, so now that you are officially aware of what is going on in Egypt, you can partake in water-cooler talk when one of your co-workers brings up the topic, and impress them with your knowledge. I would advise you, however, that then when they ask what your source is, to respond by saying you heard it on the news, and not on the Weinblog. If you wanted to maintain any semblance of credibility, that is.

I know the news can be boring, and no one cares about what’s happening outside of their own lives and the people’s lives on the Jersey Shore, but sometimes things occur in the world that are a little bigger than Snooki or Pauly D. Sometimes.

Hey, maybe we can send the people from the Jersey Shore to Egypt to run the new government! That would pretty much solve everything, because a) It would get them fuck out of the U.S., and b) They’d probably be assassinated within minutes. How is this not a good idea? Everybody wins.

They’re going to Italy next season anyway, right? Just send them to Egypt instead. They probably won’t even know the difference.

Personally, I think Egypt should abandon the whole notion of having a president, and go back to having pharaohs, like they did in the ancient days. There aren’t enough pharaohs in this world anymore.

Also, I just like saying the word pharaoh.

Is it Too Early to Start Bashing Valentine’s Day?

Amazingly, the first month of 2011 is coming to a close and we are just a few short hours away from February.

When we look back on January, we will remember one thing about it: snow. Lots of it. And believe it or not, I just heard on the news an hour ago that another storm is expected this week. So expect a lot more complaining about it from people on Facebook. But anyway, now we can look onwards towards February.

The shortest month of the year, February is significant for a few reasons. In baseball, pitchers and catches report this month. It’s also black history month. The Oscars occur in February. And of course, right smack dab in the middle of February is the single most important holiday of the year —

Forget Christmas (the birthday of Jesus Christ), Thanksgiving (the uniting of the pilgrims and the Native Americans) or Independence Day (the anniversary of our country gaining its independence from Great Britain), those holidays pale in comparison to Valentine’s Day. Nothing is more important than this day. At least that is what any women will tell you.

Here are the guarantees of what will occur on Valentine’s Day/

1) Women in relationships will feel a completely undeserved and unearned sense of importance and entitlement — and will let you know on Facebook.

2) Single women will feel depressed and lonely — and will let you know on Facebook.

3) There will be many pictures of candy and flowers posted on Facebook.

4) Guys will not give a shit.

5) A terrible movie will be released (see last year: “Valentine’s Day,” one of the biggest pieces of crap I’ve ever seen.)

6) I will be avoiding Facebook on this day.

It’s not even that I hate the idea of Valentine’s Day. If a guy and a girl really are experiencing true love, and want to have a day to celebrate that love, then kudos to them. I’m happy for you guys.

But, just the idea that girls place so much importance on Valentine’s Day, and expect so much out of their male counterparts, and require so much fucking attention, sickens me to my core.

Also, it’s a fake holiday. Nothing happened on February 14th. The date is insignificant. It is a date that was picked so that we as people could be brainwashed and manipulated into thinking that it has significance. If you want to pick a day to be romantic and celebrate your love, then why not the anniversary of the day you met? How could the day of your fucking anniversary not be as important as an arbitrary date that has zero actual significance?

It just gives girls an excuse to wake up one morning and be think: “Nothing should be more important than me.” Which is what they want to think every day, of course (and do.)

We have plenty of excuse to celebrate other holidays, like the ones I mentioned above. We are actually celebrating something. And for a reason. The dates of other holidays are not arbitrary.

Who pushes and promotes Valentine’s Day (other than women)? Hallmark does. And Jewelry companies. How many times have you seen commercials lately with a voice-over saying “This Valentine’s Day, buy her…” They are manipulating us. They know we are stupid, and that we will buy into whatever shit they spew at us, and they want us to celebrate the holiday so that they will make money. And we do. And they do.

Like I said, I’m all for love and happiness. But not Valentine’s Day. If such a day exists where we have to appease and satisfy our female partners nonstop throughout a 24-hour period, then why doesn’t a day exist where we get to ignore them for a 24-hour period?

Oh wait, that day does exist. It’s called every other day of the year.

Snow. Snow. Snow. Snow.


It’s been snowing all winter. Like it usually does. That’s why it’s winter. Meteorologists said all week-long that snow was expected to hit again today. They said it would be about 8-12 inches. And, yet, people acted like it was a total shock when they woke up this morning to find a foot of snow on the ground.

You have no idea how badly I wish that all the people who posted “I’m moving to Florida” in response to the snow this morning would actually go through with it, and DO IT. Please, move to Florida. You’re doing us no good here. None.

Has it snowed a bit more than it usually does? Sure. But, and I don’t know how many times I can repeat it, it’s fucking winter. Why are people so vocal? Have you all not spent 20+ winters in New York? In a few months, it will be spring. And it will get nicer. Then after that it will be summer. And it will be really nice. If it starts to snow in the summer, then, you have my permission to go ahead and complain all you want. Because that would be abnormal.

But… snow in the winter? Not so much.

And then there’s those people who just feel the need to comment about the snow. You can tell that the snow doesn’t bother them that much, but they still have to comment. As if it is their duty to issue some type of public statement. Those people are lovely.

The point I’m trying to make is: we know it’s snowing. It’s not exactly something that is hard to discover. I really don’t need to hear about it from everybody on Facebook. I really wish there was a way I could prevent my newsfeed from sharing statuses that include the word “snow.”

Does the snow bother me at all? A little. I certainly don’t love it. It means more shoveling, more back pain, and dangerous driving conditions. But it’s fucking NATURE. There’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. Not a single thing. So why waste a moment of my time complaining about it? Although I guess I am technically wasting a lot of minutes of my time complaining about people who complain about the snow. Look at what these assholes have made me become.

I suppose I do hope the snow stops just so I don’t have to listen to people anymore. That would be wonderful.

But if it continues to snow, then whatever. What can you do?

Enough about the snow. I am not mentioning that word again.

Alright, I don’t watch American Idol ever. Okay, I watch it sometimes. Fine, I watch it often. Every season. Every day. I’m watching it right now. Fuck you. But, anyway, if this doesn’t make you feel anything emotionally… well, you have no soul.

Now that you’ve all officially been humbled, go out and enjoy your weekend.


The State of the Union

Before I begin, allow me to explain how humorous I find it when I scroll through people’s Facebook statuses in the morning and see them all complaining about the snow as if it’s their own personal problem that nobody else has to deal with.

For example, people post things like “I can’t believe I have to travel to work in the snow today.”

Yeah, and meanwhile, everyone else is traveling to work in a fucking tropical paradise. Everybody who lives in New York is experiencing the same exact problem that you are, but, okay, let’s just focus on informing the world on how it affects you.

It’s snow. It’s been happening since our planet was formed. Are you really going to complain about it? Additionally, we are directly in the middle of the winter. What the hell do you expect? 80 degrees and sunshine? Is this your first time ever in the east coast?

We all have to deal with it. Shut up.

I saw one status in particular that literally made me shake my head in frustration. It said “global warming my ass!”

Okay, first of all, this is global warming. Extreme temperatures and drastic climate changes are what global warming consists of. Secondly, global warming takes place over hundreds of years. Not one day. Extremely intelligent scientists have devoted their entire lives towards studying global warming. But, why don’t you — who has no knowledge of the subject whatsoever — discredit the whole notion in one single Facebook status. Hey, I guess global warming doesn’t exist now, because this kid said so! Thanks man!

So that is what annoyed me this morning. Be on the lookout for more people complaining about the snow tomorrow. Should be awesome.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about is the State of the Union address. Obama gave it yesterday, but I didn’t mention it. You know why? Because I didn’t watch it.

*collective gasp from my readers*

I know what you’re thinking. How can I be so critical of our society and question so many things, and not even listen to the most important speech of the year where our own president addresses the current state of our great nation?

Well, I’ll tell you why. Because there’s no point. More people listen to the State of the Union address more than any other speech that Obama will give. So why the hell would he actually be honest with us, when being honest would just make us all angry?

Our nation currently faces a $14 trillion debt. I’m no politician, nor do I play one on TV, but… I don’t think that is too good. I can’t imagine any type of business or enterprise being in “good state” when they are in that big of a debt.

What do you think Obama is going to say?

“We are so fucked. We are so fucked that I can’t even believe it. I go to bed every night and I just start laughing because I think about how fucked we are. There is no hope. Good night. Obama, out.”

I’m not sure how much confidence that speech would inspire. So, instead, the president will choose to spew b.s. at us about how he plans to get us out of the recession without actually giving specific suggestions. He’ll do it eloquently, though. Not that I’m even criticizing, in fact, I think it is smart. It’s what I would do.

But that is why it is pointless to listen to.

I like Obama, too. I think he has done a fine job. Studies show that the recession has ended and that our economy is improving. Anybody that was actually expecting a drastic turnaround in the short four to eight years that Obama — or anyone that could have become president after Bush — is in the White House is delusional. These things take decades, and can’t be examined in a short time period — just like global warming!

Plus, nobody I know watched the State of the Union anyway. Most people were probably pissed that the speech interrupted their favorite television programs like Glee or Jersey Shore, you know, the intelligent shows.

But, who really cares about the state of the union anyway? Who cares about the recent economic recession? Who cares about the rest of the world? All that matters is how the snow is affecting people’s morning commutes. I’m sure I’ll find out all about it tomorrow morning. Can’t wait!

Weingrad Rates the Movies of 2010

In light of today’s Academy Award nominations, I thought now would be the perfect time to review the top movies that came out this year. I did this last year, and I had a difficult narrowing it down to ten, so I did a top 12. I’ll stick with the precedent and do 12 again. I will not spoil any movies, just simply give my analysis, and explain why you should see them. While I haven’t seen every movie that was released in 2010, I’ve seen practically all the ones that received the most critical acclaim. So let’s get to it.

My, oh my, what a year for movies! Usually there are only about two or three top-tier movies per year, but this year, there were several. It was really, really difficult to narrow to pick out a top five, but, I think I did a good job. Let’s start with the bottom…

12. How to Train Your Dragon: If you love animated movies, as I do, then this is a must-see. I love an animated film that not only tells a good story, but also touches your heart. Animated films have the ability to do that in a way that live-action films can’t, because there is an innocence there that can not be portrayed by actual people. We’re too flawed. But this film centers around a young viking who is taught by his father and his peers that he must be violent and brutal and kill dragons, when all he wants to do is befriend them. The result? A wonderful film that everybody can enjoy. Plus it’s in 3d! However, it won’t win “Best Animated Picture” at the Oscars this year, and that is because of…

Many toys all close together, with Buzz Lightyear and Woody holding the top of number 3.

11. Toy Story 3: Speaking of heartwarming, this movie has it all. The best thing about it is the nostalgia factor. The first two films from the series played a large role in defining our childhood. So to see them return to the screen for one last hoorah really brought back a lot of memories. But not only that, the story is wonderful. It’s great to see a franchise brought back and done right, and not just for the sake of making money — which I’m sure it made plenty of. There’s one particular scene at the end that will really tug at your heartstrings, and I’m man enough to admit it… I almost teared up. ALMOST.

10. True Grit: This movie is a remake of a 1969 film, which was based on a book. I watched the original right before I watched the 2010 version, and in hindsight, I wish I didn’t. The 2010 trumps the 1969 version in terms of direction, cinematography and visual effects, without question, but I enjoyed the story a little better in the original, and thought the characters were more well-defined. John Wayne was the star in the 1969 version, and while it’s almost impossible to replicate any performance of his, Jeff Bridges comes pretty damn close. His drunken, woolly, goofy portrayal of Rooster Cogburn alone makes this one worth the watch.

9. The Kids are All Right: I highly enjoyed this one. it’s a very simple story, but sometimes the simplest stories make for the best movies. First and foremost, the acting was phenomenal. Annette Bening was great as usual, Julianne Moore was solid, and Mark Ruffalo was terrific and received a well-deserved Oscar nomination. But I was particularly impressed with the performance of the kids — Mia Wasikowska (of Alice and Wonderland fame) and Josh Hutcherson. I think the two of them have long careers ahead of them. It’s a very serious movie at times, but also contains a lot of humorous parts. And its the combination of those two things that really make you care about the characters, worry about how the film will end, and have you thinking about it long after the credits roll.

8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1: Hell. Yes. There was no movie I was more satisfied with throughout the entire year than this one. Not because it was the best; far from it, but because I have been a huge Harry Potter enthusiast my entire life. The books meant so much to me as a child, but the movies never really did anything for me. So, to finally see the final movie come out, and just hit the freaking nail on the head… well, like I said, it was extremely satisfying. You do not have to be a Harry Potter lover to enjoy this one, and you probably don’t even need to have seen the previous films. This one is on a whole another level, and I can’t say enough about how much the acting abilities of the three main actors — Dan Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint — has improved. They made this movie, and after watching their performances, there is no doubt in my mind that they will have successful careers post-Potter. But, be warned, this is not a kids movie.

7. Blue Valentine: This movie was easily one of the hardest ones to place. it’s hard to say how much I “enjoyed” this film, because it’s not really a movie that you are meant to enjoy. The film is a pretty a straightforward story about a contemporary relationship. Think Revolutionary Road, except Indie, and current. But what makes the movie is the performances. Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling, two of the best young actors in Hollywood, are phenomenal. They portray their characters so convincingly that you almost forget your even watching a movie. That being said, it is an absolute travesty that Gosling was snubbed out of an Oscar nomination this year. I thought he was badly snubbed in 2007 for Lars and the Real Girl, and now the Academy done gone did it again. Shameful. I recommend this movie to everyone, but be warned, it will take something out of you. Yet, at the same time, you will certainly take something out of it as well.

6. 127 hours: I absolutely loved this movies, and even as I write this I can’t believe it didn’t crack my top five. I guess that speaks for the deep quality of films that came out this year. Anyway, if you love an inspirational story, then drop what you’re doing right now and go see this one. You’d think that watching a dude stuck in a crevasse between a rock and a wall for over an hour would be pretty boring, but not when the dude is James Franco. He is absolutely brilliant in this movie, and plays such a likable character, which I have a hunch is not too far off from his actual self. if there wasn’t such steep competition this year, I’d say he’d have a shot at winning best actor, but I don’t see it happening.

5. The Fighter: Ah, the top five. here we go. The Fighter is technically a sports movie, but it’s really a story about a man finding his identity amongst an eccentric crowd of people that includes his overbearing mother (Melissa Leo, my prediction for best supporting female actor), his crackhead brother Christian Bale (a shoe-in for best male supporting actor), and his supremely independent and “I take shit from nobody” girlfriend (Amy Adams, as beautiful as ever.) Christian Bale outdoes this movie. he’s so good that I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he actually did crack during the movie just to fit the role. Anyway, you’ll leave the theater feeling really good after watching this movie, mark my words. Great story, and it makes even better that it’s all true.

The poster for the film shows Natalie Portman with white facial makeup, black-winged eye liner around bloodshot red eyes, and a jagged crystal tiara.

4. Black Swan: Two words: Natalie. Portman. Also: Darren. Aranofsky. Also: Mind. Fuck. This movie will certainly keep you on your toes, wondering what exactly is going to happen next. We see the entire film through the eyes of Portman, who as the movie progresses, slowly loses her mind. That’s where Aranofsky come sin and totally messes with our heads. You will feel uncomfortable at several points through this movie. But at the same time, when the credits are rolling, you’ll be sitting in your seat staring at them while saying “Wow.” And Natalie Portman is exquisite. A completely committed performance, and shouldn’t have any trouble beating out Annette Bening for best acrtess. A victory for the Jews! Mila Kunis always gives a surprisingly good performance, and is involved in a can’t miss two-minute long make out session with Natalie Portman. You heard me correctly.

3. The King’s Speech: Colin Firth gives the performance of his career in this one. he’s going to win best actor, there’s no doubt it, and it is well-deserved. The movie is exceptionally well-made, the acting is supreme by everyone involved, and the story is very absorbing. Geoffrey Rush is really amusing as Colin Firth’s speech coach, and you find yourself sympathizing and rooting so badly for them. Never in your life will you anticipate a speech more than you will than at the end of this film. Also, the Oscars like to pick one movie to take home all the big awards (best actor, director, picture.) Don’t be surprised if this is the one that does it.

A man in a suit with a gun in his right hand is flanked by five other individuals in the middle of a street which, behind them, is folded upwards. Leonardo DiCaprio's name and those of other cast members are shown above the words "YOUR MIND IS THE SCENE OF THE CRIME". The title of the film "INCEPTION", film credits, and theatrical and IMAX release dates are shown at the bottom.

2. Inception: You all saw it. Then didn’t understand it. Then talked about with friends. Then read a little about it online. Then you watched it again. And now you get it. Sort of. This movie is brilliant in every sense of the word. it uses a lot of special effects, but not too much to take away from the brilliant story. Whether you got it or not, when it ends, you’ll know that you just witnessed something amazing. Christopher Nolan is a genius, that’s for sure. The story is extremely compelling, and just gets more and more awesome as it progresses. pretty good score, too. It’s one of its kind, and was an extremely successful “summer blockbuster” film, which is rare for an original film not based a prior source. but it’s that good.

*drumroll please…*

1. The Social Network Yeah, yeah, I know. Facebook. But what can I say? This movie was brilliantly put together. it featured a brilliant script by Aaron Sorkin, a brilliant director in David Fincher, brilliant acting by Jesse Eisenberg ah he portrayed my boy Marky Zucks, and a surprisingly great supporting performance by Andrew Garfield, who I thought was snubbed out of an Oscar nomination. Funny enough, last year, I said that Eisenberg has emerged as “a poor man’s Michael Cera.” Uhh yeah, I rescind that statement. He’s come into his own. He won’t win best actor, but he definitely deserved his nomination. Watching this film wasn’t like watching any other movie, but it was like watching the evolution of my own generation unfold before my eyes. It’s almost a must-see not just because of how good it is, but for its educational purpose. Facebook has taken over, and this movie tells us how it happened. It won best picture at the Golden Globes, and while I say that it’s not undeserving of receiving the same honor at the Oscars, i won’t be surprised if it doesn’t. To me, it comes down to this and The King’s Speech. We shall see.

And that’s it. Those are my top 12 films of the year. I hope you all enjoyed my analysis, and I look forward to watching all of the movies that 2011 has movies and doing the same thing one year from now.

But I should also mention two other movies that just missed the cut: Winter’s Bone and The Town. Winter’s Bone more than The Town, but they were both very enjoyable. The Town is unoriginal and clichéd, but well-made and a fun film to watch. Meanwhile, Winter’s Bone is carried by shockingly good performances by the young Jennifer Lawrence and the elder John Hawkes — both of whom received well-deserved Oscar nominations today. Oh and Hereafter was a good one too, which was directed by Clint Eastwood and stars Matt Damon. If you’re a crier, I highly recommend bringing tissues to that one. but just don’t post about it on Facebook after!

Why Do Girls Take Pride in Crying?

Disclaimer: I’m not going to even touch on the Jets. I’m terribly disappointed, I’ve been so for the past 24 hours, and it was one of the top five worst losses of my sporting career as a fan. So, I don’t want to talk about it. Additionally, for me, football season is over. The Super Bowl will not occur in my mind.

Alright, let’s get into today’s topic. You can file this one under the ever-growing “things that I’m not trying to criticize, but I’m just trying to understand” category.

When something puzzles for the first time, I take note. When I see it occur a second time, I begin to realize a trend. When it happens a third time, I blog about it.

Something I’ve noticed over the past several months is that females have absolutely no shame in revealing publicly when they cry. And I don’t mean over something serious, like a death of a family member, I mean over the most mundane things; like a television show, or an article they read over the Internet, or a Youtube video.

Why is this? I understand that females are a lot more emotional than males, and that they’re liable to break into tears at any moment, but why do they need to share it with the world?

Crying can be interpreted by some as a sign of weakness. Do girls not care about how they portray their mental fortitude? I mean, they must not if they’re willing to admit that an episode of “The Big Bang Theory” made them tear up.

Do you think you would ever see a guy post as his Facebook status: “Oh my God, that story about the lost puppy made me bawl my eyes out!” And I’m not even saying that it is unacceptable for guys to cry. That’s fine. But it’s just guy culture to never admit it. Because then everybody will think that you’re a pussy. And I doubt that girls would even be amused by it. While girls do like sensitive guys, crybabies are on a whole another level.

Conversely, do you think guys are amused when they see a girl post as her Facebook status that something stupid made her cry? That’s not exactly the best way to make other people obtain a high opinion of you.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with crying. In fact, it’s healthy to have nice long cry once in a while. We all do it. And then we stare at ourselves while crying in the mirror, which make us cry even harder. And then we’ll latch onto one phrase that sounds sad but really has no meaning, like “It’s not my fault!” And we’ll repeat that over and over again while crying our eyes out.

Okay, I stole that last bit from a Dane Cook sketch. And yes, I acknowledge that admitting I listen to and like Dane Cook may be equally as embarrassing as posting on Facebook that I started crying after watching an episode of “Home Improvement.”

Anyway, it’s just hard for me to understand why girls do this. The thing that really perplexes me is that not only are they not embarrassed to admit that they cry, but they’re actually proud of it! As if it is an accomplishment! Now how does that work?

I never cry. I can get emotional, but never to the point where actual water begins flowing from my eyeballs. Is that supposed to mean that I do not have a soul? Does it mean that people who cry often are more good-spirited and pure-hearted than I am? Fuck that. I am the ultimate protagonist in life.

Plus, doesn’t crying several times a day and having no problem admitting it cancel out almost two decades of feminist activism? Women like Susan B. Anthony, Eleanor Rooseveltn and Rosa Parks fought their entire lives to prove that women were equally as capable and mentally strong as men, and yet, they roll over in their graves every time a girl posts on Facebook that an episode of “Law and Order: SVU” made them cry. Do you think they cried at every little emotional thing? No, they were to busy gaining your freedom.

So, in conclusion, maybe next time your watching television, and something makes you cry, perhaps think about holding back a little? Don’t bother fighting back the tears, because that is just unhealthy, but maybe consider not posting it on Facebook. It’s just food for thought. But, again, fuck do I know.

So There’s a Kid From My Town on American Idol

I live in Merrick. I also write for the local Merrick newspaper.

Nothing ever happens here.


I’ll write about a class that donated 30 care packages overseas to troops, or a Merrick resident that got a DWI, or a high school sports team that is having a good year. Nothing too exciting.

So, you can only imagine my excitement when I discovered yesterday that a Merrick resident will be on this season’s American Idol! And even better, I actually know the kid. Not personally, but he plays on the school baseball team and I have covered many of their games in the past, and even interviewed him after some of them.

Not only is he on the show, but he actually makes it to the top 40! That is when the show becomes live. If you saw his audition last night, it’s pretty easy to tell that he will be a member of the top 12.

I thought, finally, I can have a story here that not just fifty people want to read, but something the whole nation could be interested in. I could have my big break, and I could ride this kid’s coattails to the big time!

So, I actually went to work early yesterday (early for me that is, I was still an hour late), and was eager to start making calls to get in touch with him to write a nice feature story. I searched his name in the white pages, but could not find it. Next, I called the school and left a message with the principal.

Two hours later, the principal had not called me back. That’s when the thought started to occur to me… what if he’s not allowed to talk to the media? FOX is a major corporation, and could have strict P.R guidelines.

I called back the principal, and my worst fears were confirmed. He told me that several news outlets have already reached out to him, and he’s told them all the same thing: that he — Robbie Rosen is the kid’s name — is not allowed to talk. I responded by trying to play the local angle, and that we just want to do a nice profile on him, and that we didn’t have to discuss the show. He told me he would call his mother again and tell her that, and also give me my number.

They never got back to me.

In a last-ditch effort, I found his email address on facebook and sent him an email. I’m not expecting anything.

Somebody from Merrick finally accomplishes something that garners national attention, and I’m not even allowed to fucking write about it. Are you kidding me?

I’m sure once he’s off the show I’ll be able to do a nice piece on him. But, by then, every news outlet in the world will be trying to talk to him — if he does really well on the show, that is.

I’m probably going to have to end up doing some shitty piece where I get his friends and teachers to comment on him. And his 4th grade piano teacher. No one will give a shit about that.

Oh well, I guess I’ll have to wait a little longer for my big break…

Lets’ move, on shall we? Why am i even asking? No one is reading this.

Reason #15639 why I hate America:

This is hysterical. A lady was texting while walking at the mall, and she was so distracted that she fell straight into a giant fountain. The not so funny part? She is contemplating legal action because “nobody helped her after she fell.”


Bitch, just take the “L” and move on. You failed.

The best quote from her: “I realized that I was falling when I was in the water.”

Again… Wow. No words.

What is she suing for?! Being a fucking moron? At least I could be satisfied by the fact that she will make no money out of this, and will be further humiliated and embarrassed by attracting more attention her way. But the fact that there is actually a lawyer out there that was willing to take on this case… well, he should have his law degree stripped. Immediately.

One more awesome video:

Don’t even need to comment on that one. It speaks for itself.

Oh, and I should also mention that it was announced yesterday that Anne Hathaway will be playing Catwoman in the next batman movie. Anne Hathaway in tight leather clothing? Oh my. Let’s just say that I won’t have a tough time looking for inspiration when I masturbate later.

Alright, that’s enough from me. Have a good weekend everybody, be safe, and for the third straight week… GO JETS!!!!!!!!!

My American Idol Expierence, Part Two

As you all may recall, I tried out for American Idol last year. I waited on line for hours, I sang my bit, but unfortunately, it didn’t work out. It was a little demoralizing, sure, but I knew that it wasn’t the end of my singing career.

I thought, maybe I should go about this the actual hard-working way, and hire an agent, do some gigs, take vocal lessons, and try to get a record deal. But, then I thought… fuck that, it’s American Idol or bust.

So, as soon as I heard that auditions were occurring again, I hopped on the first train. I knew that it was going to be a new panel of judges, and it disappointed me greatly that I will never get to be on the show while Simon was there, but, it is what it is. Plus, I had to try out for the first set of judges before I even get to the main judges anyway. Goodbye Simon, hello Jenny from the block.

When the time came, I set out to the audition location in New York City, and was astounded to discover how long the lines were upon my arrival. However, it was something that I expected. I waited, and I waited, and I waited, and finally, I got to the front of the line… and knew it was my time to shine.

Here is exactly what happened, word for word:

Me: Hello sir, my name is David Weingrad, I’m from Long Island, and I’m the next American Idol!

Judge: [stares blankly]

Me: So, should I… just go…

Judge: [continues to stare blankly]

Me: Okay, I’m a little nervous, but here we go… [clears voice] Somewheeeeere, over the raaainbooow, way up high…

Judge: Um, sir…

Me: There’s aaaaa land that I heaaard of, once in a lullabyyyyyy…

Judge: Sir!

Me: Somewheeeere, over the rain-

Judge: Stop singing!

Me: Are you telling me to stop because I’m so good that you don’t need to hear anymore?

Judge: No. I’m telling you to stop because this is not American Idol.

Me: …What are you saying?

Judge: This is an American Airlines airport.

Me: So… so… this isn’t a singing competition?

Judge: Probably the farthest thing from it.

Me: You’re not a judge?

Judge: No, I’m an airport attendant.

Me: I don’t wanna clooose my eyes, I don’t wanna fall asleep, cuz I’d miss you baby, and I don’t want to miss a thing…

Attendant: Please stop. You’re awful.

Me: Am I going to Hollywood?

Attendant: Well, you can purchase a ticket to Hollywood if you’d like. It cost $250 dollars.

Me: For the second round?

Attendant: No. Jesus Christ, you idiot. I told you, this is not American Idol.

Me: Wait… what about this? [pulls something out of wallet]

Attendant: That’s an American Express credit card.

Me: What about this? [pulls something else out of wallet]

Attendant: That’s an American University student I.D.

Me: What about this? [points at something]

Attendant: That’s a shoe.

Me: Sweet Caroline, oh oh oh!

Attendant: For the love of god. [pulls out walkie-talkie] Security, we have a situation in the north wing. Please come immediately.

[Security guard walks over.]

Security Guard: What’s up?

Attendant: Please take him away.

Security Guard: Him?! Is he a threat to national security?

Attendant: No. He just can’t sing for shit.

Security Guard: Oh, come on! He can’t be that bad. Let’s hear it, kid.

Me: Caaaaaannn you feel the looooove tonight? It is where we aaarreee…

Security Guard: Oh, god. [pulls out walkie-talkie] All units to the north wing, we have a code red. I repeat, a code red.

Me: …what’s happening?

Security Guard: [pulls out gun and fires it in the air] EVERYBODY DOWN! WE HAVE THIS SITUATION UNDER CONTROL!

[The security guard detains me and begins to carry me away. Everybody cheers.]

Security Guard: You won’t be hearing from this one for a long time, folks.


Well, in the end, it didn’t go exactly how I would have liked. But after a little bit of paperwork and a small bribe, I managed to work my way out of airport detainment. I just had to sign an agreement that I would not sing again for a full year. Which works out perfectly, actually, because guess what is exactly one year away? American Idol 2012!

I’ll be back.

We are One Step Closer to Jurassic Park

Remember Jurassic Park? You’ll feel old when I say this, but it’s been eighteen years since that movie was released. It was a rousing success, but if you watch it today, the special effects are laughable. The dinosaurs are hilarious. However, at the time, it was mind-blowing.

Not as frightening when you're 23 years old

Also, at the time, the idea of recreating dinosaurs through cloning may have been laughable as well. They give a scientific explanation for it in the film, but fuck, I was six when it came out. I probably still wouldn’t even understand it today.

But, in the last eighteen years, our world’s technological advances have been astounding. Shit, the technological advances in the last eighteen months have been astounding.

And maybe, just maybe, Jurassic Park may one day be possible. Especially after this bit of news:

Japanese researchers will launch a project this year to resurrect the long-extinct mammoth by using cloning technology to bring the ancient pachyderm back to life in around five years time.

The researchers will try to revive the species by obtaining tissue this summer from the carcass of a mammoth preserved in a Russian research laboratory.

That’s right. One day, ten years from now, you may be walking down the street. You’ll see a squirrel run past you. Maybe a bird flies over your head and lands on a tree. Then, you turn a corner, and see this:

Oh, hey there. I'm a woolly mammoth.

This should be astonishing news. If I were to have guessed, ten years ago, I would probably have assumed that I would never see a woolly mammoth at any point during my lifetime (or if I guessed one day ago before I read this article). That being said, I may now see one before I even turn 30.

However, with the way that technology advances nowadays, nothing really surprises me anymore.

If this actually works, I don’t think it is too impractical to think that we may one day see dinosaurs in our lifetime. Why not? Who knows what the hell we’ll be able to accomplish in twenty years from now, especially if we’re already able to use today’s technology to recreate an already extinct species.

It might be a poor idea to bring dinosaurs back, though. We all saw what happened in Jurassic Park. The dinosaurs don’t appreciate the fact that they wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for us. They’re not very smart. They just want to eat us.

It’d be a pretty cool way to die, though. As long as you get devoured by a T-Rex or a velociraptor and not a bitch dinosaur like a stegosaurus.

I wonder if I’d even be able to have my own pet T-Rex? It could take naps with me, like a cat. I doubt anyone would fuck with me if I walked around my own personal T-Rex.

Speaking of Rex, I’m still pumped about the Jets. (how about that segue?!)

However, I’ve given up all hope. I know, I know, you’re thinking “Aw, man, what a shit fan you are!” But it’s for a good reason. The new Sports Illustrated is out, and guess what’s on the cover…

The kiss of death.

As any sports fan knows, this is something you cannot come back from. Sports Illustrated is notorious for jinxing teams and players right before they play in a big game. The Jets were on the cover last year before they played the Colts in the AFC championship, and well, you all know what happened.

It was fun while it lasted. Get ’em next year…


I apologize for not blogging yesterday, but it was for good reason. I was too busy watching the JETS BEAT THE FUCKING PATRIOTS!!!


"I Believe I Can Fly..."

As an obsessive sports fan for about twenty years, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a more satisfying win than what transpired last night. Beating the heavily favored rival patriots in their own house after they gave us a 45-3 thrashing just a couple of months ago on national television… how sweet it is!

I really, really don’t want to be overconfident. In fact, I was mentally prepared for a loss each of the last two weeks. I’m afraid that if I get too excited this week, I’ll just be setting myself up for disappointment. Thus, I will just revel in this victory for the time being, and let the cards fall as they may. If the Jets are meant to be in the Super Bowl, then it shall happen.

Then it shall happen.

It was pretty sweet overlooking the city skyline and seeing the Empire State Building covered in green lights. Let’s hope it stays that way for a long time.

By the way, remember a couple of weeks ago when I said that I was a prophet? Believe me or not, but this was my facebook status two months ago, the night the Jets got walloped by the Patriots, 45-3.

Yeah, so… about that…

I’m so happy that I don’t even mind all the Jets bandwagon fans that have suddenly appeared on Facebook. It still humors me though, because those fans only appear when things are going really well. They never experience the bad times, and therefore they don’t understand that this doesn’t happen very often. There is pain and suffering that comes with the joy and ecstasy, and the true fans have experienced it in spades. Thus, we really appreciate how special this is. So I plan to soak up every last minute of this current high.


And not to make this particular post completely sports related, I should point out that Jersey Shore is on tonight.

I just want to say that I am flabbergasted, that’s right… FLABBERGASTED, that this show is still popular. At first, I gave people the benefit of the doubt, because it was new and trendy,

During season two, I started to become a little concerned. However, I did notice a divide. There were the people who just watch it for pure comedic purposes, and only to laugh at the assholes on the show. And then there’s the people who actually genuinely enjoy the show, who frequently quote the show, and attempt to emulate them in their own lives. People who fall under the latter are truly disgraceful. They might even be worse than the actual people on the show. At least they make money.

However, I did at least notice that the show was starting to wane a little in popularity during the end of season two. So I figured that come season three, the show would become irrelevant. Nope. People’s interest in the show seems to be renewed.

I laugh when people complain about how much money that the douchebags on the show make. YOU’RE the reason why they make so much money. YOU are the ones that make them popular.

Did you know that Snooki wrote a book? That’s right. Snooki. Wrote a book. She is a published author.

As somebody who writes for a living, and one day hopes to eventually write a book himself, this makes me die a little inside. There are so many people in this world that have the talent to write a book, but can not get the recognition or the backing to do so. And yet, Snooki, in between taking shots of jagermeister and getting gangbanged by guido scumbags that will inevitably give her chlamydia, wrote a book.