We are One Step Closer to Jurassic Park

Remember Jurassic Park? You’ll feel old when I say this, but it’s been eighteen years since that movie was released. It was a rousing success, but if you watch it today, the special effects are laughable. The dinosaurs are hilarious. However, at the time, it was mind-blowing.

Not as frightening when you're 23 years old

Also, at the time, the idea of recreating dinosaurs through cloning may have been laughable as well. They give a scientific explanation for it in the film, but fuck, I was six when it came out. I probably still wouldn’t even understand it today.

But, in the last eighteen years, our world’s technological advances have been astounding. Shit, the technological advances in the last eighteen months have been astounding.

And maybe, just maybe, Jurassic Park may one day be possible. Especially after this bit of news:


Japanese researchers will launch a project this year to resurrect the long-extinct mammoth by using cloning technology to bring the ancient pachyderm back to life in around five years time.

The researchers will try to revive the species by obtaining tissue this summer from the carcass of a mammoth preserved in a Russian research laboratory.

That’s right. One day, ten years from now, you may be walking down the street. You’ll see a squirrel run past you. Maybe a bird flies over your head and lands on a tree. Then, you turn a corner, and see this:

Oh, hey there. I'm a woolly mammoth.

This should be astonishing news. If I were to have guessed, ten years ago, I would probably have assumed that I would never see a woolly mammoth at any point during my lifetime (or if I guessed one day ago before I read this article). That being said, I may now see one before I even turn 30.

However, with the way that technology advances nowadays, nothing really surprises me anymore.

If this actually works, I don’t think it is too impractical to think that we may one day see dinosaurs in our lifetime. Why not? Who knows what the hell we’ll be able to accomplish in twenty years from now, especially if we’re already able to use today’s technology to recreate an already extinct species.

It might be a poor idea to bring dinosaurs back, though. We all saw what happened in Jurassic Park. The dinosaurs don’t appreciate the fact that they wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for us. They’re not very smart. They just want to eat us.

It’d be a pretty cool way to die, though. As long as you get devoured by a T-Rex or a velociraptor and not a bitch dinosaur like a stegosaurus.

I wonder if I’d even be able to have my own pet T-Rex? It could take naps with me, like a cat. I doubt anyone would fuck with me if I walked around my own personal T-Rex.

Speaking of Rex, I’m still pumped about the Jets. (how about that segue?!)

However, I’ve given up all hope. I know, I know, you’re thinking “Aw, man, what a shit fan you are!” But it’s for a good reason. The new Sports Illustrated is out, and guess what’s on the cover…

The kiss of death.

As any sports fan knows, this is something you cannot come back from. Sports Illustrated is notorious for jinxing teams and players right before they play in a big game. The Jets were on the cover last year before they played the Colts in the AFC championship, and well, you all know what happened.

It was fun while it lasted. Get ’em next year…

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