The Most Important Thing in the World

Let’s see, what’s happening in the world right now that I can discuss?

The Military Intervention in Libya by the USA, France, United Kingdom, Canada, Denmark, Belgium, Italy, Spain, Greece and Qatar to support the Libyan uprising against dictator Muammar Gaddafi?

Nah.

The earthquake and tsunami in Japan that has now resulted in nearly 9,000 deaths?

Don’t think so.

The subsequent nuclear accidents that resulted in a release of radiation that may kill everybody?

Bo-ring.

Rebecca Black?

Yes.

She has been trending on Twitter for about 10 days non-stop. Her YouTube video has now eclipsed 31 million views. And within ten minutes of walking the streets of Philadelphia on Friday, I distinctly heard a group of schoolgirls sing the words “Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday!” very loudly.

What is happening? Why is this song so popular?

The song is awful. We all know that. Nobody can even attempt to make the argument that Rebecca Black has any semblance of musical talent. Plus she’s not even good-looking. I know she’s only 13. but 13-year olds can still be cute. She’s hideous.

I think I know why it’s so popular.

1) The “train wreck theory.” You know, that thing where it’s so bad that you can’t turn your head away? That’s the song. And the video. It’s almost stunning that something so horrific could happen, that it captivates us. When you hear about a train wreck, you want to know things about it. How did this happen? Why? When? Same thing with this song. You want to know how such a disaster ever came to fruition.

2) It has catchy lyrics. I know that Rebecca Black’s voice sucks. But the song still manages to have a catchy, simple hook. “It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday.” The idiots of America eat that shit right up. How is it any different from “Yeah, yeah, party in the USA!”? It’s also a very easy song to get stuck in your head.

3) Everybody loves Friday. If the song was about the positive qualities of Wednesday, I do not think it would be so popular. On Fridays, everybody is in a good mood, and they’ll express it by singing this song.

4) Social media. In today’s age, it’s all about up to the second — not hour, not minute… second — news. last week, everybody was obsessed with Charlie Sheen. But now, he’s old news. No one cares about him anymore. At this precise moment, Rebecca Black is “it.” In a week or two from now, she’ll be old news just like good ol’ Charlie, and some other loser will step up and steal the spotlight.

5) People love to ignore real news. No one wants to talk about the tsunami or the Libyan War, because it’s real and its scary. So instead, we talk about Rebecca Black. it’s funny, it’s relevant, and it comes with no negative consequences.

6) Conformity. Everybody needs to be in the loop nowadays. If everybody else is talking about it, then you have to know also. Otherwise, you’ll be left behind. Nobody wants to be left behind.

That’s pretty much it. That’s why people are obsessing over this song. If I can say anything positive about Rebecca Black, it’s that her existence makes me appreciate other artists like Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Kesha, etc. I may be critical of them at times, but, at least they are capable of carrying a note and sounding pleasant. Basically everything that Rebecca Black can’t do.

It is pretty shameful that somebody like her can become an overnight sensation, meanwhile there are thousands of talented singers in the world that will never get recognition. Just shows the value of having a rich daddy.

I think at this point I have exhausted the topic of Rebecca Black.

I’ll just say one more thing, In the words of the immortal Charlie Sheen… she is clearly not winning.

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