How to appear smart

I was definitely one of those people who walked away after viewing The Social Network thinking “Damn… I wish I was that smart.”

There’s not many things that I’m all that sensitive about. You can insult me and I just shrug it off, and most of the time will even laugh along. However, one thing I’ve always been fairly sensitive about is my intelligence. If somebody makes a statement towards me eluding to that fact that I’m stupid, I will get very mad. (Most of the time, however, they come right after I just said something really stupid.)

Not that I’m an idiot or anything. I like to think that I have a capable brain, and that when I really try hard, I can surprise people with my knowledge. Like all people, I’m ignorant in some subjects, and I excel in others. I may never create a social networking site that accumulates 600 million active users, but I do what I can and am able to get by.

I know what my limitations are. I know that there are some things I’ll never understand no matter how hard I try. I’m okay with that.

That being said, there are ways that you can make yourself appear smarter than you really are. It’s very simple and it will only take a few minutes out of your day.

Here’s what you do…

Firstly, check the New York Times website at least once a day. It’s the premiere website for news (nationally at least), and consists of great reporting. Simply by reading the headline of the top story on the front page, you will — at the very least — know what is going on in the world. You will know what the biggest story is, and you won’t feel like an idiot when somebody brings it up and you have no idea what they’re talking about.

Now, once you can make that a habit, here is the next step: Actually click on the link.

I know… I know. It’s a lot to ask. But if you click on the link, you will be able to actually get more information. Sometimes even just looking at the photos will help you to gain more insight.

Now, New York Times’ stories are typically fairly long. Like a few pages along. I’m not asking you to read the whole thing; I don’t expect you all to have that great of an attention span (I certainly don’t.)

But the beauty of journalism is that the heart of the story, and all the main details, are in the beginning! All you have to do is read the first few paragraphs and you’re done! Now, not only do you know what is going on in the world, but you will be able to explain it to other people to help them understand it!

Honestly, it’s amazing how far this can get you. You can really turn some people’s heads by busting out some tidbits on the latest crisis in the Middle East. Because we all know that there is a new one every day.

And, as an added benefit, the more you do it, the more knowledge you are gaining! You are actually becoming smarter!

Some people probably read my blog and think that since I talk about current events frequently, I’m pretty smart. They must think, “Damn… this kid knows his shit!”

Well, I don’t!

Most of the time, when I give specific details of current events or historical occurrences, I just got them off of Wikipedia moments before I wrote it. It’s no secret. I’m just as stupid as all of you!

Remember, it’s all about appearing to be smarter than you really are. Heck, maybe you’ll even fool yourself into thinking that you’re really smart. And as long as you think it, than who cares about anybody else?

And that, my friends, is how it’s done.

You’re all my friends, right?

…right?

I’d like to end this pre-weekend (and pre Easter!) blog by making everybody aware of an awesome story.

Calico cat swims safely across New York Harbor 

Supposedly this cat got washed up in ferocious rains that hit New Jersey last weekend, and caused him/her to doggie-paddle across the harbor from New Jersey all the way to New York. The cat is now safe and sound at Governor’s Island!

It's an Easter miracle!

What a brave little soul. God bless that cat.

Now that we all feel warm and fuzzy, I’d like to wish everybody a very happy Easter. Eat lots of chocolate… but not too much!

And if you see the Easter Bunny, punch that piece of shit in the face for me. He deserves it.

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