Summer is here

Well, not officially. But the way the weather has been these past two days, it might as well be. The rain has finally ended and it has been absolutely beautiful outside since yesterday afternoon. Not many Americans appreciate warm weather as much as us east coasters, who only get this for about three and a half months a year. We have no choice but to make the most of it. And we do.

So, with summer, you can expect a lot more barbecues, pool parties, cargo shorts and the inevitable Facebook statuses that say things like “omg it’s sooooooo nice out!” or “omg I wish I was at the beach right nowwwww!” Love those with all my heart.

What’s my favorite thing about summer? Other than girls finally shedding their nineteen layers of clothing whenever they’re outside and wearing extremely revealing clothes, forcing me to wear my sunglasses that are tinted so you can’t see my eyes, allowing me to stare at them for as long as I want without anybody noticing? My favorite thing about summer is the fact that the nice weather allows me to run outside consistently.

During the spring, I have to go outside and gauge how the weather is before I decide to run outdoors or at the gym. Normally by the time I get home from work in the late afternoon, it’s too chilly to run outside. And even if it does appear nice enough, it always still end up being windy as hell, hindering my run. It’s quite a distraction.

Speaking of which, when I am running outside, and I’m clearly very focused and listening to my music, can you NOT pull aside next to me and ask me for directions?

First of all, when I’m running, I normally like to… be running. I don’t want to stop. When you stop, your muscles begin to seize up and it takes you out of your rhythm. I should be the last person that you ever bother for directions.

The other day I was running and I got asked twice by people for directions. I had to check my shirt when I got home to make sure there wasn’t a fucking map on it or something.

Also, I am awful at giving directions. Even in my own town. I really only know how to get to places from my house. So I am usually not very helpful when I’m in another area and people ask me how to get places. I think there may only have been one or two times in my entire life when I was actually able to direct somebody where they wanted to go without confusing them any further.

So, yeah, don’t do that.

By the way, I don’t really see what the big deal about the beach is. The water is usually freezing and dirty. The sand is dirty and too hot. The sun gives me sunburn and my gut is too big for me to be secure about my shirtless body in public. The only fun things about the beach is playing football or volleyball in the sand. Which you can do anywhere. Beach = overrated. That being said, who wants to go on Sunday?

And another by the way, as a pretty big cinephile, I make an effort to see all the movies that people tell me that I need to see. I realized the other day that I have never seen The Little Mermaid. But, apparently it’s good. Obviously, as a 24-year-old male, I am not in the target age range for the movie. However, even at my age, I still love watching Aladdin and The Lion King, and I’m sure I’d still enjoy Snow White and Beauty and the Beast if I were to watch them again. But those aren’t the Little Mermaid. On those grounds, I think it’s okay to watch.

Now here lies the predicament. Most people have already seen the movie (likely during their childhood years) and I don’t have a girlfriend to watch it with. So I can’t use the excuse of “I only saw it because she wanted to.” So what I want to know is exactly how gay it would be if I watched the Little Mermaid, alone, by myself, in my room? On a scale of 1 to 10, how gay is that?

Think of the scale like this:

1 – Steve McQueen
2 – Dolph Lundgren
3 – Harrison Ford
4- Matt Damon
5- David Schwimmer
6- Jay Leno
7- Ryan Seacrest
8- Adam Lambert
9- Any member of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
10- Perez Hilton

I need to know.

So, I’ll let that mull over for a little before I take a course of action. I’ll let you all know how it ends up.

Before I go, I have to wonder how I never knew about this video before today. The video I am referring to is a Lonely Island sketch from SNL two weeks ago. It’s an original song by the three guys of the Lonely Island featuring the one and only Michael Bolton. And it is absolutely hilarious and a must-watch. Check it out:

My respect for Michael Bolton has taken a complete 180 following this video. Bravo.

Alright peeps. Enjoy the weather. And girls, just remember… the less clothing you wear, the more guys respect you.

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