Today I am here to discuss things that are overrated. I know that many things in this world fall under that category, but I’m talking about the most overrated. The things that top the list.
And I know that “overrated” is a very overused term, but I’m talking about things that people brag or rave about all the time on Facebook, saying how good these things are. I’m here to rain on those people’s parades.
So let’s get to it.
The top 5 most overrated things in the world:
you are now free to move about the country
People will always post on Facebook whenever they are going to another place. Whether that other place is their cousin’s wedding in Connecticut, or an exotic island halfway across the world; no one has ever traveled before and not posted where they are going on Facebook.
Usually people will post in the days leading up to their trip, “3 days until Mexico!” or some shit like that. They are doing this because they hope that others will see it and envy their life. However, when I see it, I think, “what a fucking nightmare.” In three days you’ll have to wake up at 6 a.m., get all your shit together, catch a cab to the airport, stand on long lines while waiting to go through security, have to wait another hour for your flight to board, wait another half-hour on the plane, sit through an entire flight in an uncomfortable seat while hoping your plane doesn’t crash, only to land and haul all your luggage out of the airport, wait for another vehicle to transport you to a hotel, wait in line to check-in, bring all your shit up to your room and unpack, then crash because you’re so tired from all the traveling and waiting in lines and hauling heavy luggage, oh, and throughout this whole process, you’ve spent like $500. How is that an enjoyable way to spend a day?
Oh, so you get to see all the sights? Well, I get to see the sights too. On my television. For free. And I don’t have to spend a full day traveling to get there.
The worst part is, when people arrive back home from traveling, they have that knowing look on their face that says they are more advanced than you. They’ve seen more of the world, so they are more cultural and widespread than you are. They’re better.
Well, fuck you. I can watch the Travel Channel for an hour and learn more about the world than you did.
4) Having a job.
another day at the office
Whenever people obtain a job, they always make a giant announcement on Facebook, similar to as if they just won the lottery. “I GOT A JOB!!!!!!” Then about 14 people will ‘like’ it.
Why is this something to be proud of? Hookers have jobs. They’re not that prestigious. Sure, it’s nice to have some money, and it’s nice to be contributing to society, but what having a job really amounts to is, well, the beginning of the end of your life. Upon working, you fall into a habit that you will remain in for the next several years.
It’s not like college, where you have a rotating class schedule, and then select completely new classes the next semester. It’s not an internship, where you finish after a few months. It’s permanent. Every day is the same.
It’s also restricting. Everybody has a talent and everybody is capable of doing something great. Having a job, however, prevents you from doing that. I would love to write a book or a screenplay some day. How the fuck can I ever find the time to do that? Maybe if I devoted time to that instead of this blog, I can manage it. But then what the hell would you all do without me?
Is having a job something I take for granted? Maybe. But, who cares? I’ve earned my job so I can afford to take it for granted.
When people post on Facebook how thrilled they are to have a job, I think people should lend their condolences instead of their congratulations. Because that’s it. Your life is over. It’s basically the same thing as getting married.
3) New York City.
"These streets will make you feel brand new..."
Or as lifelong Long Islanders call it, “The City.”
Now I don’t intend to start shitting on New York City. It’s a great city, one of the best in the world, even. But… it’s overrated.
It’s just so overdone. When you’re like 17 or 18, and you can finally start making day-trips without adult supervision, then yeah it’s cool. Or when you’ve just turned 21, and you can finally start partying and getting drunk in the city, then yeah it’s cool. But when you’re 24 or 25 and you’re still posting “out in the cityyyyy” as your Facebook status, well, that’s when I use the defriend option that Facebook has allotted me.
The city can be fun. There’s no doubt about that. But I feel like it gets to the point when people go to the city just for the sake of going to the city. And that is ridiculous. First of all, traveling to the city is annoying. It’s time-consuming and expensive; it costs $16.50 for a round trip ticket from where I live! Holy smokes! The one redeeming factor about the traveling is that you can drink on the train.
Also, the subways are a nightmare. There is nothing I hate more in life than waiting for a subway. There’s no official set times, so you never know if you’re going to wait for five minutes or fifty minutes. Additionally, I can stare at a subway map for 20 minutes and I still won’t know what the hell subway line to take. It’s like a goddamn maze!
That being said, subways are still a better option than cabbing. You have to deal with these crazy drivers who just came to America by boat yesterday, and they play shitty music, and then they expect you to give them a $20 tip. Get real, brah.
And then when you finally get to the bar, your reward is paying six dollars per beer. And even that’s a reasonable price for the city. Whoopdedoo!
I enjoy going to the city when I meet up with people who know the city. Meaning they know of places that others wouldn’t. Conveniently located places that don’t cost too much. That’s the secret. Otherwise, it sucks.
2) The summer.
not sure what a tire swing has to do with the summer, but let's go with it
Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking. “Wow, is this kid really going to bash the summer?! How big of an uber-pessimist can he be?!”
Well, shut up you hypothetical person. Start your own blog and you can talk about whatever the hell you want.
Sure, I love the summer. I like hot weather. I like wearing shorts. I like it not getting dark until 8 p.m. But I hate what other people think that the summer represents.
All winter, when it’s snowing and raining all the time, people will bitch on Facebook, “more snowwwww? When will it finally be summerrrrrr?”
And then, when we finally start getting 70-degree days, people will say, “Loving this weather, it’s summertimeeeeee,” with that stupid sunglasses smiley face at the end. Fuck that smiley face.
What, do these people expect that their life will undergo some type of renaissance come the summer? You’ll still work at your shitty job, still have your shitty problems, and still be your shitty self. The summer won’t change that. If you’re a natural complainer, you’ll still find plenty of things to complain about come the summer.
Also, people always talk about how much traveling they plan to do when the weather finally gets nice (see: #5). First of all, no, you won’t. Secondly, why do you need to wait until the summer to travel? Aren’t you supposed to travel in the winter, when the weather sucks, so that you can go to a place that actually has nice weather? Durrrrr.
99.9% of the time, your life will be exactly the same in the summer as it is in the winter, except for the fact that the weather will be nicer around you, and you’ll be wearing lighter clothes. Otherwise, you won’t take advantage of the summer, and you know it.
And, of course, come the summertime, everybody doesn’t shut the fuck up about the single most overrated thing in life…
1) The beach.
just look at all those people...
Burning hot sand.
Ice cold water.
Crowded with people.
The beach is the pure of essence of the phrase, “well, that sounded a lot better in theory.”
It always seems like a great idea to go to the beach. During the week, when you’re sick of your job (see: #4), it’s common to mention to your friend “Heyyy brah we should go to the beach on Sunday! We’ll be all hung over and shit and it’ll be perfect kidddd.” And then, inevitably, you don’t go.
But then one day, you do go. You have to plan this whole elaborate process where you make eight stops and pick everyone up, because let’s face it, you’re not going to pay full price for parking.
You always get there much later than you should. True beach-goers get to the beach no later than 10 a.m. Asshole poser beach-goers, like myself, get to the beach no earlier than 2 p.m. By then, the day is already shot.
Oh great, now you get to lay around, not go in the water because it’s too cold, and throw a football around! Basically, all things that you could have done at any open field. Except you wouldn’t wake up to massive sunburn the next day.
“Oh, but there’s so many hot chicks in bikinis at the beach!” Sure, all chicks who I won’t ever talk to, and neither will you. I’d be much better off just perusing Facebook and finding bikini shots of all the girls I went to high school with.
I went to the beach two summers ago because a friend of mine rented one of those giant “mushrooms” where you can hang out inside of them to stay out of the sun, and you can barbecue and drink beer in them. That was amazing and it’s by far the only time that going to the beach is truly worth it.
Otherwise, it’s just a giant waste of time. People post on Facebook when they’re at the beach… great, if you’re a guy, I don’t give a fuck. If you’re a girl, please post pictures when you get home. Otherwise, I don’t need to know about it.
And there you have it. The greatest list imaginable on the world’s most overrated things. There’s so much more, and I can really sit here all day and touch on all of them, but I have important things to do. Like play minesweeper on the computer.
Minesweeper, now there’s an underrated game. 😎