As I said yesterday, tomorrow I embark on a bachelor party. I will be going to Canada with 17 other men, and we will be taking a party bus that has an interior that looks like this:
Yes, that is indeed a kitchen. Your eyes do not deceive you.
Obviously, I am excited. It is the third bachelor party I will be attending in my lifetime, with the prior two having taken place in Las Vegas. Thus, even though all bachelor parties are different and unique, I for the most part know what to expect this upcoming weekend. It’s going to be awesome.
Bachelor parties are quite the unique experience. I imagine they are quite the hassle to plan, but, obviously, it all makes up for it when you actually participate in it.
If you are an alien and you just landed on our planet and have no idea whatsoever of human culture, then, on the surface, bachelor parties sound pretty absurd.
Just mere weeks before forming the most sanctimonious and holiest of bonds that two souls ever could partake in, the male is essentially going away for a weekend, completely abandoning his loved one, and spending all of his time getting drunk and partying with strippers and any other females that they might encounter along the way. And yet, it’s a normal, accepted part of our culture.
Heck, it’s more than that. It’s a rite of passage. You do not become a man until you have your bachelor party. You only get one, and you better make it count.
How awesome is that? How awesome are our forefathers for establishing this? No offense girls, I know you have bachelorette parties, and from what I know about them, they suck. Men know how to do it the right way.
Normally what happens on a bachelor party goes unspoken of forever. Those who participated now have an everlasting, mutual, silent bond that says, “what happens here, stays here.”
That doesn’t necessarily mean that the bachelor will conduct any type of behavior that would devastate his wife-to-be if she were to find out; maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t. Either way, you don’t tell. At the very least, I don’t think the wife-to-be would want a detailed description of the lap dance her fiance received in the back of the V.I.P. room.
Which brings me to the question, why do women allow this? Is it because they understand that this is just how the world goes? Do they have that much trust that their fiance won’t do anything foolish to jeopardize their relationship?
I’ve never been engaged, and never had my own bachelor party, so I can’t speak for the conversations that take place between the soon-to-be-married couple in the days leading up to the bachelor and bachelorette parties. But I’m guessing the girl will say something like, “Have fun — but not too much fun — and whatever happens, make sure I do not find out.”
That makes sense. But who knows, maybe if the girl is a little more strict, she’ll give much more specific guidelines. Maybe she’ll say no strippers (we won’t listen), maybe she’ll say no lap dances (we won’t listen), or maybe she’ll say no unprotected sex with women you find out on the street (that we probably will listen to.) I guess it really all comes down to how “cool” the girl is.
The opposite of cool would be the girl from “The Hangover” who Ed Helms is dating. He has to lie to her about where he is going. If you’re marrying a girl where that type of behavior has to take place, well, you’re probably making a mistake and should get out of that situation as fast as you can, a la Ed Helms. Spoiler alert.
Although, I guess that while the men have the bachelor party, the women have the wedding. That is as joyful to them as the bachelor party is to the man. Which is something, as men, we will never understand.
In conclusion, I just think it’s awesome that this type of thing happens, and that it’s deemed okay by all parties. Our country sucks in a lot of regards, but this is definitely something that it got right.
I’ll see you all on the other side.