Does not giving a shit about your weekend make me a bad person?

I’m not an extremely talkative person (in person, at least). If you want to know something about me, I’ll be glad to tell you. However, in general, I don’t assume that people want to know things about me. So I’m not one of those people who is going to divulge information without being asked.

Don’t you just hate those people who give you their entire life story simply because you asked them “How are you?” When I ask that question, all I’m looking for is a simple “I’m good.” I’m not actually interested in how you are. Maybe if you’re hot I will care a little bit more, but still not really. Whenever somebody does this, my brain goes into autopilot and I start envisioning some entertaining images, like cats playing baseball.

It’s just the nature of the world. People tend to be consumed with their own lives and are disinterested in everybody else’s. There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s just how people are. Most people don’t even realize it, actually.

So, when people come up to me on a Monday and ask what I did over the weekend, then I’ll have no qualms telling them. I do happen to live a pretty active social life, and often find myself wrapped in all types of crazy shenanigans. So I usually have a story or two to tell when people ask me how my weekend went.

But then I finish telling the story, and I realize that the proper etiquette would be for me to reciprocate and ask the person how their weekend went. But the truth is, I really don’t care. Sure, you asked me about my weekend, and I’m not sure why you care, but you did. You asked at your own risk, so I told you. Why do I have to know about yours?

I mean, I’m sure you didn’t really do anything that interesting. You probably just went out with your friends one night to some bar. That’s not exactly a gripping story. Or maybe you babysit your little cousins. That too is not something that is going to keep me on the edge of my seat. I would not respond to that with interest. For example, you wouldn’t hear me say: “Oh my God, no way! You babysit? Wow, I can’t believe it! I can’t believe you did such a thing! What else did you do? Did you buy them ice cream? Did you watch Winnie the Pooh? Did you tuck them in at night and then watch MTV until their parents came home? I need to know!”

I mean, maybe you did do something cool. Perhaps you took a road trip to see a concert. That’s pretty cool. Or maybe you got into a fight. I’d love to hear that story. Or maybe you spent the weekend inventing something practical, like a reusable cotton ball or something. That’s cool. But that’s not the typical answers that people have.

So my question is, does that make me a shithead if I don’t return the favor and ask the question back? I feel like I’m doing them a kindness by not asking. Because I’m not going to listen anyway, so I might as well let them save their breath.

Plus, say something extraordinary did happen to you over the weekend. I’m pretty sure you’d tell me without being asked. If I won the lottery over the weekend, I’m going to tell people. So, I figure that if something happened that I do need to know about, I’ll find out anyway. I don’t need to ask.

I really hope this doesn’t make me a bad person. This seriously is not my intention. Plus, I don’t actively think in my head, “Okay, I’m intentionally going to not ask this person how their weekend went.” It’s more like, I’m so disinterested that it doesn’t occur to me to ask. It’s the same reason why I don’t ask people what their favorite Byrds song is. It’s not something that matters to me.

Does it make me self-centered? Possibly. I feel like I make up for it in other ways. I say “Bless you” when other people sneeze, even if it’s a stranger. I hold doors for people who are walking behind me, even if it’s a stranger. I notify people whenever I think they’re looking slightly uglier than they probably should, even if it’s a stranger. I’m a fairly decent citizen.

Thus, I think I should get a reprieve for this.

Oh and speaking of particularly ugly, the new Rebecca Black single was released today. You remember Rebecca Black, right? She became an overnight sensation for her YouTube single, “Friday,” back in March/April. The reason she became so popular is because her lack of talent was so obvious, and it made for humor. We were all laughing at her, not with her (Yet she still became famous because of it, fuck.)

Well, it was announced that she would be coming out with more music at a later date. Me, being the optimist that I am, hoped that “a later date” meant “never,” but that apparently was not the case.

The way I saw it, Rebecca Black had two options. She could stick with the shtick of being a talentless hack that relied heavily on auto-tune just to make her sound moderately listenable, but still not really, and continued to make horribly amusing songs that people could listen to and laugh about. Since we all killed her for “Friday,” she wouldn’t have been ridiculed anymore had she gone this route, since she couldn’t really top that. She couldn’t get any worse, and at least she would have provided us with some laughs. The fact that she couldn’t actually sing wouldn’t have been an issue.

Or, she could’ve tried to make a serious song that nobody could enjoy, and shed more light on her inability to sing. It would be a disgusting attempt to prove that she’s an actual artist and everybody would laugh at her for an entirely new reason.

She chose the second option.

Well, I would LIKE to think that people with actual ears would hear this is and acknowledge her voice has been doctored more than Heidi Montag’s face (That’s right, I read People magazine, my mom gets a subscription and sometimes it’s the best reading material in the bathroom… don’t judge me,) but a part of me actually fears that this song will get significant radio play and become a hit.

Please don’t let me down America. I beg you.

Also, it’s a good thing that I’ll never have to ask Rebecca Black how her weekend went, because I already know that she got down on Friday.

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