When do punk kids come to the realization that they are assholes?

If ever?

Today I am driving my car, and on the opposite side of the road I see this punk kid, about 15 or 16 years old, cruising along on a skateboard while wearing sunglasses and a flat-brimmed cap. Now, if anyone knows me at all, they know that I never buy into stereotypes. Ever. But this kid’s physical appearance redefined the word “douchebag.”

Not only that, but he was basically skateboarding in the middle of the road. He had that look on his face that plainly said, “Yeah, I’m in the middle of the road, what are you going to do about it?”

So then I see a car coming in his direction, and I am curious to see what was going to happen — even though I already knew. I knew the kid wouldn’t move.

Half of me was hoping that the car would hit the kid. But what ended up happening was the car slowing down, and driving around him. Okay, so he wasn’t exactly in the “middle of the road,” like I said, but he was in the middle of the right lane. Same shit.

Anyway, I was on the opposite side of the road and going the same direction as the kid as I witnessed this. I just stared at the kid with a look of detest. He didn’t see me. He’s a punk, after all, so he’s too cool to notice anything.

What the fuck? Who do you blame here? Is it the parents? Or are some kids just innately born this way? If I have a kid who acted like this, I will be gravely disappointed. I might even prefer my kid to be gay than act like this.

But what I am curious to know is when these punk kids finally wake up one morning and go, “Wow, I’ve been a douchebag my entire life!” Is it simply just a matter of maturity? Do they have to turn 19, 20 or 21 years old to finally get that “wake-up call” and realize that trying to be a tough guy and breaking all the rules isn’t a way to live a successful life?

One would hope that it would be sooner. I asked before if it’s the parents that are the cause for this. It’s definitely part of the equation, but in my opinion, I think it is most likely the group of friends that the kid chooses to hang around. That is what most likely causes this behavior. Adolescents are very naive and easily influenced. They befriend a kid, misinterpret his troubled behavior as “cool,” and then try to emulate them. Soon enough, four or five other kids do the same exact thing, and you have an entire group of douchebags! It’s a douchegroup!

I’ve seen it before. One kid acts one way his entire life, then all of a sudden he gets mixed up with the wrong crowd, and bam! He sucks.

I understand that going through a “bad boy” or rebellious phase is a common part of the maturation process, but you would hope that it is short-lived, and doesn’t become permanent.

And bear in mind, that if I am the car that is coming in your direction while you are skateboarding in the middle of the lane, you may not get so lucky.

…Because I might honk first, and then swerve out of the way.

Let’s switch gears for a moment (NO PUN INTENDED! HA HA HA HA *shoots himself in the head*) Harry Potter was released five days ago now, and I still haven’t seen it. I’m getting desperate. It may even be getting to a point where I may need to go to the theater and see it… yelp… alone.

Has anyone actually seen a movie alone? I really can’t think of anything more humiliating.

When you actually think about it, it isn’t really that big of a deal. During a movie, you don’t talk to somebody anyway. You sit there quietly and focus on the screen. Also, when you’re alone, you don’t have to worry about waiting on people and getting there late, and it’s easier to find a seat because you are just looking for one available seat. Additionally, you can sit wherever you want without having to worry about everybody’s preference.

Going to the movies alone should be awesome when you consider all that. But to me, it still feels wrong and embarrassing. I almost feel like when I’m buying my ticket, the movie theater employee is judging me, and thinking “Wow, look at this loser, seeing a movie by himself!” I’d feel like I’m compelled to say something to defend myself, like “I’m meeting my girlfriend in the theater,” or something. No one would believe me.

Also, I wouldn’t enjoy sitting there by my lonesome while other people walk by me looking for seats of their own. I feel like people would think I’m some type of diseased leper that can’t sit within three seats of anybody else, and that I’d end up getting an entire row to myself.

So, even though it makes perfect sense to see a movie by yourself, you will never see me doing it. I have way too much pride. It’s totally undeserved and unfounded pride, but pride nonetheless. Thus, I will do whatever it takes to find somebody to see Harry Potter with me soon that has not seen it yet.

And if some punk kid talks in the theater while I am trying to enjoy the film, so help me God, I will stab them.

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