Yesterday I was checking this girl out on Facebook. This is something I almost never do.
Naturally, when I click on her page, my eyes immediately dart to the spot where her relationship status would be. If she has a boyfriend, I’m not going to bother wasting my time.
If there is no relationship status listed, then I know she’s single. Because if she does have a boyfriend, it will say so. Girls will not miss the opportunity to flaunt the fact that they have a boyfriend. No way. When a guy and girl begin dating, it’s always the girl who first decides that the two are in a relationship, and then she sends the relationship status request. Before the guy even knows it, — perhaps he was hoping for it, or (more likely) he thought the two of them were just fooling around — bam! He’s in a relationship. Thanks Facebook!
So, anyway, I’m on this girl’s page and I glance towards the top, and I see, “In a relationship with…” and that causes me to sigh in disappointment. She has a boyfriend. Fuck. But then I keep reading…
“In a relationship with… [girl’s name here.]”
For a split-second, just a split-second, I thought, “She’s a lesbian… nice!” But then I remembered that girls do this. They love joining together with one of their girl best friends and saying that they are in a relationship. Why does this occur?
If guys did this, it would be the gayest thing ever. It wouldn’t be funny, it wouldn’t be clever, it would serve no purpose. One would see it and draw one single conclusion: you’re gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that…)
But girls do this all the time. And I think I may know why. *Puts on smart-looking glasses and attempts to delve into the philosophy of females*
Girls hate being single. They may say aloud how they “just want to do their own thing,” or how they’re “not in a place where they want a boyfriend right now,” but deep down, every girl wants to love and be loved. No women EVER wakes up one morning and says, “God, I hope I don’t get swept off my feet today!”
Okay, that last line, I stole it from the movie “Hitch.” Thanks Will Smith. But regardless of who said it, it’s true.
So, again, girls hate being single, but even moreso, they hate the entire world knowing that they are single. Thankfully, for them, Facebook did away with having relationship statuses front-and-center. In the past, there were just two options: “In a relationship” or “single.” One or the other. Now, you have the option of not putting anything at all.
However, as much as I try to discredit them, girls are not stupid. They know that if they don’t put anything there, that other people will see that and immediately will come to the conclusion that they are single.
But, if they put that they are in a relationship with another girl, it will instill some semblance of doubt into other people’s minds. Others will see that, and say, “Hmm, since she’s clearly not taking the relationship status seriously, then I don’t know what her situation really is…”
But, me being as savvy as I am, I see right through it. It tells me that they are very much single, and very much uncomfortable with it. They pretend that they’re all cool and liberated with the fact that they’re single, but in reality, it’s killing them. So they team up with their BFF and say, “hey, if I’m miserably single, and you’re miserably single, then let’s be miserably single together — in a relationship!” It’s actually pretty smart. If I was a girl, I might even do the same thing. But I am not a girl.
I wonder what actual lesbians think of this behavior. Does it offend them that other girls are making light of the girl-on-girl relationship? Does it make the girl-on-girl relationship any less sanctimonious? All good questions that I would love to hear lesbians give me the answer to. While in bed. With me.
Hmm, now how do I transition from that last statement to Harry Potter? You really can’t So let’s just go with it.
I finally, FINALLY, saw the final Harry Potter film today. I enjoyed it immensely. As a huge fan of the books, the film gained my approval, and that is not easy to obtain. While the first part of the 7th movie actually blew me away, since its excellence was so unexpected, I think it’s fair to say that this film did not blow me away, simply because the success of part one made me elevate my expectations.
Even so, my expectations were met. The discrepancies from the book were fairly minor, and nothing to cry about, although I did disagree a little bit with how they handled one of the final scenes. However, the key scenes, which come just before the final showdown between Harry and He-Who-Must-Not-Ne-Named, were perfect. The movie nailed it, and since they were the most important parts of the story, it was immensely satisfying. I’d say that if you enjoyed part one, then part two is a must see.
I become amused when I see all of these Facebook statuses, or just hear people saying aloud, “I’m so sad that it’s over.”
Sure, the books have been done for four years (exactly to the day!) and the final movie is now completed, but I never viewed the movies as the end-all-be-all to the entire Harry Potter experience.
I’ve said this numerous times, but I was obsessed with Harry Potter during my youth. I read the books over and over again, and each time, I got something new out of them. I’m 24 now, not 12, and I don’t read them much anymore. In fact, I haven’t really read them in over three years. However, one day, I will again. I just have to know when the time is right.
When I do, it will be special, because it will be nostalgic and will bring me back to the days of my childhood. I know it will. When I read them again, it will bring me back to the days when I’d come home from school, lie down on my bed, open a Potter book and read for hours nonstop. Through Harry Potter, my childhood will never end. And they’ll always be there. I’ll always have that.
And one day, I will introduce the books to my children, and then watch as they read and react to the stories, and I will get to relive the books yet again, this time vicariously through them.
So who the hell says it’s over? If you never stop believing in the magic, it’s only just beginning. (Corny, I know… but true.)
I know I’ve been talking for a while, but I just want to say one last thing. I’m not sure why I have yet to mention the U.S. women’s soccer team at all this week, possibly it’s because I’m so used to women disgracing America (just kidding!!!), but obviously, as you all know by now, they lost the World Cup final in pretty horrific fashion.
However, as I’m sure most guys noticed, there are some pretty cute chicks on that team. A couple in particular, and especially one of them.
First, there’s the goalie, Hope Solo.
Nothing spectacular; if I saw her on the street, I would probably look again, and say, “Oh, that’s nice.” And then I’d forget about her a few minutes later. But the fact that she’s a world-class goalkeeper, well that adds to her appeal. I approve.
But then, in another league of her own, there is Alex Morgan.
Oh. My. God.
Remember in 1999, when Brandi Chastain famously scored the game-winning goal, and then took her top off to reveal her sports bra? I would have paid anything for Alex Morgan to do that. And not only that, but she’s the youngest AND most talented player on that team. She is the whole freaking package.
There is no doubt in my mind that they will market the shit out of her to try to popularize women’s soccer, like they used to do with Mia Hamm. Except, hopefully, Alex Morgan won’t marry some bum like Nomar Garciaparra, like Mia Hamm did, and marry somebody with actual talent.