People, put down your goddamn smart phones

I understand that smart phones are the new hip form of technology. I understand that it’s really cool to basically have the entire world at your fingertips and all. I get that.

But in a nation where things are becoming more and more simplified by the day, which in turn has caused people’s attention spans to dwindle by extravagant proportions, smart phones are really starting to cause a problem.

Smart phones have been around for a good couple of years now. Initially, only the privileged were able to get them right away. People with good jobs, or kids whose mommies and daddies had good jobs and loved to spoil them, etc. But now, we’re midway through 2011, and if you don’t have a smart phone, you’ve fallen behind.

I myself made the conversion about seven months ago, and I never looked back. At first, it’s a little intimidating upon purchasing your first smart phone. In the past, all you could do was text people when you’re bored, and now, with smart phones, you can do, well, anything. You can play games, you can read the news, you can receive oral sex (not yet, but hopefully soon), anything.

Bearing that in mind, it’s only natural to be consumed with your phone upon first getting it. I remember in the first few weeks that I owned my Droid, I was on it practically 24/7. Even at work I was always on it. I was on it so much my battery would only last a few hours.

But now, as I said before, it’s been seven months. The honeymoon is over. Sure, you can always download new apps, but, you should be used to your smart phone by now. You don’t need to be on it all the time.

And yet, most people didn’t get the memo.

Does anyone else become as annoyed as I do, when you’re sitting around with a few people, having a conversation, and one of them has their smart phone out, and is acting clearly disinterested in anything that is happening outside of their phone?

I almost want to either throw something at their head, preferably something of the heavy variety, and say “Yo, there’s a whole world outside of your 5 by 3 inch screen on your iPhone, give it a glance every now and then.”

I truly feel like people forget that the world exists sometimes, and truly believe that they live in the little machine that is their phone. I think Aladdin needs to knock on people’s windows, one by one, and give them a magic carpet ride tour of the world while explaining that there is a “whole new world” to discover. (But don’t assume that all carpets have flying capabilities. I learned that the hard way.)

I mean, if you want to check a text message, or see if you have any emails, that’s cool. I won’t get on you for that. But when people are staring at their phones for minutes at a time, or constantly checking their screen every five seconds, well, that’s when I begin to get annoyed.

Whenever I witness this, in my eyes, the person is basically saying to everyone else, “Eh, I don’t give a shit about you guys at all, I got more important people to talk to, more important things to take care of.” They’re above it all. Sure, they may be with you in a physical sense, but mentally, they’re miles away.

When did people lose all of sense of place and time? When did people stop living in the moment? When did people forget that, every now and then, they should stop and smell the roses?

I wonder if anyone’s actually ever done that; saw a rosebush while they were walking, and actually stopped what they were doing to smell them. Sounds pretty gay.

But, seriously, I take offense to this. If I’m sitting in a group, and I realize that one member of my party is not even paying the slightest attention to me or the others in said party, and is clearly more interested in what is going on in their phone, then how can you take anything but offense towards that? It clearly means you are not good enough for them.

Ideally, I would take the phone out of their hands and smash it onto the floor. Unfortunately, I don’t got that kind of dough to replace the phone, which of course I would be obliged to do.

Even worse than this behavior is when people complain that their smart phone is temporarily not working, because it froze, or because the Internet is acting slow or something. You know what you’re complaining about, right? That the INTERNET on your PHONE is not up to speed. That’s something that belongs on whitewhine.com, a great site that I only discovered recently. Check it out. I have nothing to do with it, so I’m not plugging, I just think it’s hysterical.

Alright enough complaining.

Actually, no, it’s not enough.

Does anybody else feel like this song from the Subway commercial should be banned?

It’s so catchy that I’m pretty sure I have woken up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat on multiple occasions while hearing the “I’m feeling Subwaaay” theme playing in my head. It’s not pleasant at all.

It’s so annoying that I hope that whoever wrote this song actually gets hit by an actual subway. How would that happen? I don’t know; perhaps he/she was too busy texting on their phone that they didn’t see it coming.

Perhaps.

4 thoughts on “People, put down your goddamn smart phones

  1. I like how whenever you switch subjects you manage to tie everything in at the end. Is that a skill they teach you in journalism school or whatever writing class you took?
    and…
    I agree with being offended by some idiot who can’t put their phone down for 2 seconds rather than to have a face-to-face conversation.
    but..
    My gosh you’re a bit homophobic lately. I’ve read your written “that’s gay” so many times now in recent posts. While vanity is problematic, there’s nothing effeminate about a man who carries a comb in his pocket [see obsessing over appearance post]. There’s nothing gay about a man curious about the smell of roses every once in a while either. Are all male florists and gardners gay?

  2. you’re right, perhaps there has been a trend of sorts, but I think I take for granted sometimes that people know I’m not actually being serious. Just how like I’m not actually sexist, or actually racist, I’m not homophobic. I’m really the complete opposite of all of those things in reality. (well, maybe not sexist, but let’s say that I’m 3/4 of the opposite)

    I more use it in the paradoxical sense; I use it when other people – who do use the term – would normally use it. So, in the sense, as opposed to me saying that a certain thing is actually “effeminate,” I’m moreso intending to dumb-it-down for the rest of the general population.

    But I’m glad you pointed it down because I definitely do not wish to overruse the word.

  3. I find all your posts excellent……. with great sense of humour. I hope you don’t mind… i’ll put you on my blogroll, bit I don’t know the link. What is it?

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