Can we cut it with these chain Facebook statuses?

As if the mundane, nonsensical Facebook statuses I see on a daily basis weren’t bad enough, lately people have become much worse on Facebook. I keep seeing the same damn statuses pop up, where people try to become noble and save the world via their Facebook status.

First, there’s this one:

‎7yr old with Cancer, from Rosebush, MI ….Hi my name is Amy Bruce, I am 7yrs old and I have a large tumor on my brain and severe lung cancer. The doctors say I will die soon if this isn’t fixed, and my family can’t pay the bill’s. The Make A Wish Foundation has agreed to donate $7 for every time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I Thank You so much. But for those who don’t send it, I will pray for you. Please put this as your status for an hour

Do people seriously believe this shit? Yeah, the Make A Wish Foundation is tracking every single Facebook wall in the world. They have a dude with a calculator sitting in an office and keeping tabs on the world saying, “Ooh, somebody else just reposted it, time to add $7!”

I legitimately think I remember seeing this exact paragraph in a chain email 10 years ago. Amy Bruce is still 7, and she’s still dying.

Hey, newsflash. Amy Bruce isn’t real! Or better yet, there probably is a woman named Amy Bruce in the world, and she is probably a whore.

I don’t know, it just amazes me that people actually lack the intelligence to realize that this is bullshit. But hey, they’re doing the “right” thing. They’re showing that they care. Because if you post about it on Facebook, then everyone sees it and you look like such a fantastic, wonderful person.

It makes me sick.

And I can’t comment on it, because if I say something negative, then I become the asshole. It’s not worth it.

It’s funny, even if this was real, people are so quick to donate $7 of other people’s money, but when they are asked to donate $7 of their own money, well, helping people suddenly doesn’t become as important, does it?

Here’s another recurring Facebook status that I love:

Stupid cancer. We all want a new car, a new phone. A person who has cancer only wants one thing… to survive. I know that a lot of you “who think you’re too cool” probably won’t repost this. But a very little amount of my friends will. Put this on your wall in honor of someone who died of cancer, survived, or who is fighting against it now♥

Okay, so not only am I becoming annoyed with these statuses, but now I am actually being ridiculed and berated by them. I’m not going to repost it, so I guess that means I’m too cool?

Hmm, saying I’m too cool is a weird way of saying that I’m actually too smart. I’m too smart to realize that posting a Facebook status isn’t going to cure cancer. So I’d rather devote my efforts towards something else.

I wonder what the guy who eventually will cure cancer must think of these statuses. I truly hope he doesn’t stop what he is doing to copy and paste them into his status. Although, he’s obviously a genius, so I’m sure he becomes just as angry with them as I do.

These chain statuses are so bad that they actually make me miss all of the “FML” posts and complaints that people love to write about. At least those are original. For the most part.

Again, I’m not trying to make it sound like I’m sitting on my high horse here, and that after I write this I’m going to hit the lab and start testing cancer immunities. I’m not doing anything to help cure cancer either. I wore a yellow livestrong bracelet for a couple of weeks in high school, mainly because I thought it looked cool, but that is really it. But at least I’m not pretending that I am. Hopefully one day I’ll have a lot of money, and I can make a substantial donation.

So that’s what I am striving towards. I’m striving towards bettering myself and my abilities, so that one day I can be successful and put myself in a position where I can do something to help. Posting on Facebook is not going to accomplish that.

Remember the chain emails that people used send to send around when we were in elementary school and middle school? The ones with the purple font and the black backgrounds? I miss those.

Especially now. More than ever.

Oh, so I saw Moneyball today, and it was a fantastic. An absolute must-see for sports and particularly baseball fans, and still a movie that you should see if you just like good movies. There’s a lot of baseball in it, but that is not really what the film is about. It’s about believing in yourself when nobody else does.

And, hey, if you believe in yourself, then copy and paste this in your Facebook status. The Make A Wish Foundation will donate $10 bucks everytime someone does.

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