I love girls. Just not individual girls.

I hope everyone out there had a truly wonderful and relaxing Christmas. I hope you got a lot of presents. I hope you had fun.

Okay, is that out of the way now? Are we good?

It’s funny, Christmas is pretty universally — and I suppose Thanksgiving is the same too — a day where everybody is nice to each other. Therefore, it is pretty impossible to have a shitty Christmas. Maybe unless you recently got a divorce, or your entire family died on Christmas many years ago, or something. Then I could see how you can have a shitty Christmas.

But every time I asked somebody today whether they had a nice Christmas, every single person gave me the most cheerful explanation as to why their Christmas was so great. It almost got redundant enough to the point where I was hoping that at least one person could have told me that they had a terrible Christmas. It would have been a nice change. Unfortunately, though, it did not happen.

Me? My Christmas was delightful. I relaxed, barely moved, got some cool gifts, and even got a new kitten. I’ll talk about it more tomorrow. I plan to write a “2011 in review” blog to wrap up the year. And not in review of the world, but a review of me. Who gives a shit about the world?

Anyway last night, while I was lying in bed, a blog topic hit me. That happens sometimes. However, nine out of ten times, I forget them overnight. I’m not going to jump out of bed just to write down a freaking blog topic. It’s not that important. But this one stuck with me.

I often discuss how much it bothers me when people assume that I don’t have a girlfriend because I am incapable of getting one. Sometimes you get lumped together with other single people — who, in turn, are actually incapable of getting girlfriends. They give us a bad name.

However, not to be narcissistic (but I will be anyway), I know I am fine-looking, I know I have a good personality, and I know that I am a catch. Any girl would be lucky to have me.

So then, I wondered to myself, if that’s the case, and if all the girls out there would willingly throw themselves at you if given the opportunity, why haven’t you found someone who you actually like?

But then it hit me. My TV remote fell off the ledge and hit me in the head.

No I am kidding. I meant it hit me, mentally.

I love girls. I love everything about them. I love the way they look, I love the way they talk, the way they act, and the way they represent themselves. I am in awe of God’s creation of the female. I could not have more respect for women. Fuck, I think even get along better with girls than I do with guys in many regards.

However, what I realized, is that when it comes down to it, when it comes to finding one girl who I could be with for an extended period of time, it becomes a problem. Because while I like girls, I do not like individual girls.

I love the idea of girls, and I love to look at them, but then when you actually get to meet individual girls, and learn about them, you realize that you don’t like them so much.

This isn’t the case for everyone, of course. I have plenty of girls who are friends. However, any time I let a girl get close to me, I find some overlying flaw that completely turns me off.

And in the rare occasion where I think with my dick, and not my brain, and actually make myself believe that I truly like a girl, it turns into an absolute trainwreck. I choose someone who could not be more wrong for me, and it completely deteriorates my faith in the female gender.

Again, I know I am generalizing, but I can only vouch for what I know. And this is what I know.

Plus, it’s probably my own fault more than anybody else’s.

Girls are awesome. I hope they rule the world one day. But, actually sitting down with one of them, trying to get to know them, and starting a relationship with one? Nightmare.

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