Oscar observations

No, not that Oscar.

As some of you may know, I am a pretty big movie aficionado, and therefore I make an effort to downloa– err, I mean, legally pay to watch every movie that comes out prior to Oscar season. Well, not every movie. Unfortunately I didn’t catch the latest Twilight movie.

Rather, I watch every movie that looks good. And especially the ones that garner a lot of critical buzz. I already blogged about my favorite movies from 2011, and which ones I thought would take home the top Oscars.

I predicted that The Artist would most likely take home the biggest awards, namely Best Picture and Best Lead Actor, which it did. A lot of ignorant people will claim that they have no desire to ever see a film that is both silent and in black and white, but, if you really want to see a true piece of art, then you should see The Artist when you get a chance. You won’t even realize that it is silent, or lacking color, because it is just flat-out good. That is all I will say.

Anyway, so without any major surprises, I will say that this year was probably one of the most boring Oscars in recent memory. Here’s why:

1) Billy Crystal was awful. Sorry Billy, I know you’re a legend, and that people in the age range of 45-60 probably adore you, but come on. You told probably about 40 jokes during the telecast, and maybe two were funny. Maybe. Also, what is wrong with your face? You were acting like you just had Botox. It’s a shame that Eddie Murphy dropped out, because what this Oscars was missing was some controversy. For comparison sake, Chris Rock’s two-minute presentation was infinitely funnier than Crystal’s entire three-hour schtick.

2) No memorable speeches. Come on people. This is the Oscars, arguably the most prestigious ceremony in the entire world. I know it’s sad to say that, considering it’s honoring millionaire celebrities, but it’s true. It’s one of the most watched ceremonies on television. When you have your one or two minutes to give a speech, make it memorable. Say something meaningful. It may be your only opportunity to do so, and you have the chance to actually stand out, and go down in Oscar lore by saying something articulate, profound or inspiring. I’m not saying to be controversial, far from it. But for heaven’s sake, please say something different from “I’d like to thank the academy, the producers, my costars and my wife. Thanks.” Bo-ring.

3) No live musical performances. Having the opportunity to write a song for a specific movie can sometimes bring out the best in artists. In fact, some of the best songs of all time were written directly for the screen. Consequently, there have been some great musical performances in the vast history of the Academy Awards. However, this year, two songs were nominated, and they were from the Muppets and Rio. Two songs? Really? Music in films this year was really that bad? At the very least, they still could have performed those two songs. I know it’s a ceremony dedicated towards film, and not music, but it’s always a pleasant change-up to see a musical performance amidst a three-hour ceremony. This year, it was glaringly absent.

4) Even the setting was bland. Where was the Academy Awards even held this year, in a high-school auditorium? Okay, I am obviously exaggerating, but compared to years past, the theater was very unimpressive and lacking in character. But I suppose the stage just took on the personality of the show in general.

5) No nudity. Okay, so this is something that I was expecting, but one can still hope. However, there was still some nice eye candy on display:

Those four lovely ladies are Angelina Jolie, Rooney Mara, Jessica Chastain and Jennifer Lopez, respectively. I would turn neither down if one of them were to proposition me.

Also, speaking of lovely, when the hell did George Clooney start dating Stacy Keibler?

Hot damn. Despite having no discernible talents besides being hot, she has always been a personal favorite of mine. And now her job is to be arm candy for George Clooney. And just for reference, Clooney is 50 years old, and Keibler is 32. Lucky bastard. What doesn’t this guy have?

And that was the Oscars.

I mean, the primary objective of the ceremony is to distribute awards, which it did, so it’s not like I am disappointed or anything. However, if I am going to devote three hours of my life to it, I want a little something extra. This year, for the first time in a while, the Grammys outdid the Oscars.

Also, I failed to win an Oscar for “Best Blogger in a Supporting Role,” which, surprisingly, was a new category added this year.

Oh well, there is always next year.

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