Why are icebreakers so difficult?

Whenever I am at a bar, and I spot a gorgeous girl, I will normally be too bashful to talk to her. And by saying bashful, I really just mean that I am a pussy.

However, what I will do is constantly look in her direction approximately 47 times, and will stare blankly at her during each of those glances.

There is no way that the girl doesn’t notice this. You have to be a complete idiot to not realize that some random dude keeps glancing in your direction throughout the night. I can’t even imagine how creepy she must think I am whenever this happens.

So bearing that in mind, upon spotting the gorgeous girl, you really have to approach her within the first 10-15 minutes. Just like you did, she also has surveyed the bar. She’s already seen you. She’s already made her judgment on you. Therefore, if you wait two hours to finally talk to her, it’ll be too late, because she’ll already have dismissed you. You’re old news at that point.

And that is why my strategy of continued drinking, and building up courage as the night escalates, is only destined to fail. Even then, I’d still say I attempt to make only conversation perhaps just 10% of the time. And at that point, in my drunken haze, it is an absolutely absurd icebreaker. It’s probably not much better than anything I’d come up with sober, though.

It all amounts to one thing: Why are icebreakers so difficult?

It amazes me, that in all of the time that men and women have inhabited the earth, that there has never been one universal icebreaker that has emerged that trumps all others. Not one. There’s not one line that can be used in any given situation that would work if it is presented correctly.

I may be a pussy when it comes to approaching girls at bars, but I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a bad conversationist. If I am given ten minutes to talk to a girl, I am fairly confident in my abilities to engage her, and at the same, present myself in a good enough light that she would become interested in me. However, it’s getting those ten minutes that is the problem.

I also blame the girls too. Why do guys have to be the morons who walk around with their head on a swivel while inside of a bar, seeking girls with whom they may have an interest in? Why can’t girls help out a little? I’m not saying that the girl has to be the one that approaches the guy, or buys a guy a drink — but can’t they send some type of signal? Like eye contact, or even a smile? Is that so damn hard?

Seriously, whenever I see an attractive girl at a bar, it’s like she’s trying as hard as she possibly can to look as indifferent as possible to her surroundings. She gives every indication that she is bored, that she is disinterested in anyone that’s around her, and acts like she is at a work meeting as opposed to a bar. Words can’t even begin to explain how much more intimidating this makes it for the guy.

Honestly, what am I supposed to say. “Hey, miss, excuse me? You’re really hot, and you’d be quite a reach for me, even on a good day. But I’m going to try to flirt with you anyway because I really have nothing to lose, except my dignity, maybe. So what do you say?”

And I know the old cliché, how “if you never try you’ll never know,” but, you know what, sometimes I’d rather not try. I’d rather not get rejected by a hot girl. I’d rather be comforted by the thought that although I didn’t try, that if I did, I would have gotten her. I’ll sleep better that night with that false confidence.

I’ve never heard one icebreaker, from anyone, in the history of the universe, that made me say, “Wow, that’s good. I have to try that sometime.” And I don’t think I ever will.

If anyone out there has some type of secret gem of an icebreaker, I strongly implore you to come forward and enlighten me with this sacred piece of knowledge that you possess. You would be doing me, and all men across the world, a great favor.

Until that happens, I will forever be that guy, staring awkwardly at the hot girl across the bar.

One thought on “Why are icebreakers so difficult?

  1. Hey W, you sound almost desperate here! C’mon cheer up, the glass is not half empty.
    I am not a pro at icebreakers, but to be honest a sincere and calm “Hello” with a warm smile go a long way. It’s that simple. The key is to get it right i.e. not to come on too strong or overconfident yet at the same time not to appear too eager or … well … desperate. Shift your focus from “getting the girl” to enjoying being there by yourself and having a good time. All this pressure you put yourself under is unnecessary. If you only focus on saying a simple “hi” and nothing else, no possibilities of a date or romance or even a “let’s get to know each other” conversation, things may just seem not as grey. Best of luck and don’t give up!

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