How to stay afloat in Hunger Games’ conversations this weekend

Tonight, at midnight, the Hunger Games movie is premiering across America.

Unless you have read Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games trilogy, then obviously you are not going to have any idea what they are. So allow me to give you a brief synopsis.

The Hunger Games are a trilogy revolving around a young girl named Katniss. The book takes place in the post-apocalyptic future following a revolution. The government won, and the characters now live in the newly formed country of Panem, which comprises 12 Districts in which people live. Starting from District 1 to District 12, the wealth and quality of life of the inhabitants becomes significantly worse. In order to prevent the Districts from ever rising up and revolting yet again, the totalitarian government has instituted a “Hunger Games.” This means that one boy and one girl, from the ages of 12 to 18, in each District are randomly selected in a lottery. Once selected, the 24 “tributes” are inserted into an arena, full of obstacles, where they fight to the death until the last man or woman is standing. Katniss, who is the primary caretaker of her younger sister Prim and her mother (her father died years before in a mining accident), volunteers to become a tribute after her sister, Prim, is selected, and becomes her substitute in order to protect her. We follow Katniss during the Games, and meanwhile, she is torn in a love triangle with her best friend and hunting partner, Gale, and Peeta, who is the boy tribute selected to represent District 12 in the Hunger Games beside Katniss. And then the Hunger Games begin.

There you go.

Now you know something.

So when somebody says that they are on “Team Peeta” or “Team Gale,” you know what they are referring to.

Oh, and just for reference, Katniss, in the book is 16. Therefore, if you say something along the lines of “I want to f*%$ Katniss,” then that’s not okay. The actress that is portraying her — Jennifer Lawrence — however, is totally fair game.

She is 21 years old. If you wanted to take her on a date in the United States, you can even take her to a bar. So, as a reminder: Saying inappropriate things about Katniss: not okay. But saying inappropriate things about what you want to do to Jennifer Lawrence: encouraged.

These books became pretty enormous in the past year. I read them about 7 or 8 months ago, a little before everyone else did (*hipster*), and since then, the rest of the world has followed suit, and everybody loved them. They make be stereotyped as children’s books, and aren’t very advanced grammatically, but in reality, they are really young adult books because they contain a lot of violence. They’re actually pretty good.

Honestly, in my opinion, it’s hard to ever really hate on books. Anything that gets America reading, regardless of the subject, is cool, in my opinion. Except Twilight. That sucks. But it was the Twilight movies that gained mass hysteria, and not the books.

So if you have not yet been exposed to the Hunger Games madness from your circle of friends, then I assure you that you will be soon enough.

Therefore, let’s review the important terms so that you aren’t completely in the dark and can at least hold your own in conversation:

Katniss: The lead character

Gale: Katniss love interest #1. He is her hunting partner in District 12.

Peeta: Katniss love interest #2. He once gave bread to Katniss when she was desperate for food.

Prim: Katniss’s sister.

The Hunger Games: A competition where 24 tributes fight to the death inside of an arena, while the rest of District 12 watches.

Haymitch: Katniss’s alcoholic mentor throughout the Hunger Games. He is actually a past winner of the Games.

President Snow: The term “president” is being used very liberally here, as he is more of a king, or an autocrat.

District 12: The District that Katniss lives in. It is by far the most impoverished, and everyone who lives in it lives day-to-day when it comes to making money and attaining food.

Panem: The newly formed post-revolutionary country they live in.

Cinna: Katniss’s stylist. He’s probably gay.

Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth, Josh Hutcherson, Woody Harrelson: The actors and actresses portraying Katniss, Gale, Peeta and Haymitch, respectively.

Suzanne Collins: The author of the books.

I think that is all of the information that you need to know. If I give anymore, it will just be an overload. But as long as you absorbed some of the information that I just shared with you, then you should be more than fine, and more importantly — not completely oblivious when it comes to discussing the Hunger Games this weekend.

Or you could just not see the movies, and have sex with an actual girl.

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