Now I don’t pretend that I am some type of player. I don’t hit up bars every night trying to seek out women, and when I do, I usually am unsuccessful. Like any guy, you win some, you lose some, and you move on.
That being said, I like to think that I am fairly intuitive when it comes to human interaction, particular interactions between men and women. For me it is fairly obvious to see when there is chemistry between two members of the opposite sex. I can usually tell within a couple of minutes. Whether I am involved, or its two other people and I’m on the outside, there are plenty of small signals I observe that tip people’s hands.
I am 25 years old, I am in pretty decent shape, and I have been told that I have a relatively nice smile. I know I am not the best looking guy in the world, but I have enough confidence in my physical appearance and my personality to think that I meet many girls’ qualifications, even if I just barely meet them. So, all of that, combined with my secure job and financial situation adds up to the fact that I may be in the prime of my life right now when it comes to courting women. But that’s not necessarily saying much.
Picking up girls is not easy. As I just mentioned, the key is having confidence. I know it sounds extremely cliché, but the first thing a girl senses about a guy is his confidence level. So before you even begin trying to meet girls, try to tie up the loose ends in your life that make you feel insecure. Whether it’s weight issues, not having a good job, or not having a good living situation, whatever. Once you fix those things, it will make you happier with your life and have a positive impact on every other aspect, including your ability to attract women.
But anyway, once you are confident, then you can try your hand at meeting girls. Like I said, I’m a fairly intuitive person, so I have the process pretty much down to a science, and I’m going to enlighten you all into that process. So let’s go.
Interestingly, the first step to courting females is the probably the most difficult — finding the right way to open up the conversation. When you’re at a bar, you’re surrounded by people, but you know nothing about them. They become characters in your head, and you’ll form judgments and opinions solely based on how they are dressed and how they behave. But until you actually meet them, they’re only just characters. Nothing else.
One of the hardest things to do is approach a complete stranger at a bar. Because let’s face it, if you approach a girl, she knows that you are doing it for one reason: to court her. So she will make an immediate judgment right on the spot as to whether you are worth her time. It’s pretty intimidating and it puts a lot of pressure on both people. This is why I usually don’t try to approach girls who are complete strangers.
However, I think the key is to avoid using corny pickup lines. Instead, try to find an innocent way to engage her. Think of an icebreaker that doesn’t make it obvious what your intentions are. I know its vague advice, but try to notice something within your bar that could lead to an interesting conversation, and find some way to translate that towards a potential conversation. One time, I noticed that I was among several dozen people in a bar wearing a plaid shirt. So I jokingly went up to an attractive girl and asked her opinion on whether plaid shirts are becoming too redundant. It was good because I was mocking myself in an endearing way, and at the same time, talking about something that was currently happening around us.
Obviously the ideal situation is when you are being introduced to a person by a mutual friend. That way, icebreakers are completely unnecessary, your intentions are ambiguous, and you pretty much skip right to step #2.
It sounds basic, but meeting girls is contingent on getting the girl to actually know you exist. Just accomplishing that is a step in itself. But then there is still a lot more work to do.
Naturally, there are obvious things that are going to come up in conversation with a girl. You’ll talk about where you live, and what you do for a living. That’s fine. It’s the first thing that should come up. But instead of asking dull questions like “Oh, how do you like your job?”, try to think of something that is actually interesting.
If she’s a schoolteacher, try to think of some type of factoid you may have learned recently about teachers or schools. Or say something about the subject that she teaches. Girls like people who know things. This way, you’re prolonging the conversation while showcasing your knowledge on certain subjects. How do you accomplish this? By actually listening to what she says, dummy.
Make her laugh.
I’m not saying you have to become a comedian, and there is also such a thing as trying too hard to be funny, but if you don’t make her laugh at least one time, then you don’t have a chance. Laughing is the ultimate indication that somebody is having a good time. When have you ever laughed while you were in a bad mood? If you make her laugh, it’ll suddenly occur to her that she is having a good time, and that the good time is a direct result of you. It will mean something, trust me.
Be a gentleman.
This is key, because I would never want to aid someone who is simply looking just to “score,” and nothing else. It’s one thing to get a girl, but it takes a real gentlemen to get a girl to really appreciate you as a person, and that is only accomplished by being respectful. You can throw cheesy lines around, or throw money at her, but in the grand scheme of things, that means nothing. Being chivalrous and gallant, on the other hand, is the thing that will resonate the most in a girl’s mind. So make sure that you are polite, modest and that you make an effort to get to know her friends as well. That will also highlight your abilities to mesh with all people.
If I see a beautiful girl, I want her to know that I am a multi-layered individual who treats all people how they deserve to be treated. If I don’t get that across, I’ve failed.
Oh, and don’t be an idiot. Remember her freaking name. Even if you have to repeat it in your head 500 times during the conversation to remember, that’s fine. Just remember it. No matter how much progress you’ve made, the moment you forget her name, it’s over.
Look for the signs.
Some signs are more obvious than others. If she is interested in maintaining conversation with you, then that’s obviously a good sign — especially if she’s the one who keeps bringing up new topics to discuss. Likewise, if she continuously asks you about certain details of your life, then that means she is interested in you. It’s a really good thing.
Conversely, if she uses the first opportunity to end the conversation — like for instance, if a third party member walked over and joined the conversation, and the girl immediately focused all attention towards the new entrant — then you’re done. It means that she was looking for an out, and she got it. In that case, just count your losses and move on.
Other signs include eye contact, attention and physical contact.
Obviously she is going to look at you while she talks, but how long is she maintaining eye contact? If she keeps looking at you even after she finishes talking, it’s a very good thing.
Also, do you have her full attention? If she keeps looking around at other people, or if every few minutes she says something to one of her friends, then that usually means that she is simply talking to you to be courteous. But if she is only looking at you, and for the most part disregarding everyone else, then you’re probably in.
Lastly, if she touches you a lot, like taps your shoulder while making a point, or leans into you at times during the conversation, even if it’s subtle, then trust me, it’s premeditated. Girls don’t touch random guys for no reason. In fact, they go out of their way not to. If she has no qualms putting her hand on you, then that’s almost a surefire sign that she likes you. And that’s when you know you can keep going.
Buy her a drink.
This should be pretty obvious. Girls like nothing worse than someone who is insecure financially. And I don’t mean someone who doesn’t make a lot of money (if she does judge you on that, she’s not worth it.) But girls definitely don’t like guys who are overly frugal with money.
And come on, a drink is $5 dollars. Maybe $8 depending on what she is drinking. Offer to buy her a drink, and don’t even hesitate when she initially tries to refuse. Don’t take no for an answer. And as another tip, order two of whatever she has and drink one yourself. It gives you another topic of conversation, makes it appear that you have similar tastes, and subtly shows that you are accepting of her lifestyle choices. Also, if she has a close friend that you’ve met already, offer to buy her a drink too. She’ll like that.
From verbal to physical.
Aside from the icebreaker, this is the most difficult part of the courting process. The transition. You’ve been talking to her for a while, but how do you take it a step further? Obviously it varies depending on what you are aiming for. A good strategy is to find things you have in common. Like, for instance, places around the neighborhood that you both like. When it comes up, hint that you would like to go there with her one time. That could lead to her sharing her phone number.
Having alcohol in your system will obviously play a factor, and could lead to a little more boldness. One thing that you definitely need to do is tell her how pretty you think she is. It’s corny to tell a girl she is beautiful, but however she reacts, she’ll like it. There’s not a girl on earth who isn’t flattered by the notion of being told that she is beautiful. Plus, if she likes you, that statement will make your intentions really clear. If she is receptive towards your compliment, then I think you’re 99% home, and can safely move in for a kiss.
Another strategy that I have found that works more often than you’d think is to simply be forthcoming and honest with what you want to do. If you want to kiss her, just say so. Try to get across that you know it’s very forward, but that you have an overwhelming urge to kiss her, and hope that she feels the same way. If she does, then she’ll reciprocate, and if she doesn’t, then you probably never had a chance to begin with.
Again, I know I am using words like “strategy” like this is all some type of game, and that guys and girls are the “players,” but I need to repeat for emphasis that I do not approve of using this advice simply just to “get in a girl’s pants.” This is solely for a girl who you admire, respect and are attracted to, and who you want to get to know because of that. Granted, it’s hard to gain that admiration in just a couple of hours of talking at a bar, but it’s human nature to want to meet and become acquainted with a beautiful girl at a bar. Why else do we go to bars and drink? It’s because there is a conglomeration of men and women there who want nothing more than to be swept off their feet by a member of the opposite sex.
I want you to be that person.
Again, all of this is not applicable unless you are happy with the person that you are. The biggest key to life is to find some substance that makes you happy day in and day out. Find your meaning.
If you can do that, it will lead to a feeling of contentment that will resonate through every bone in your body. Once you’ve hit that point, then you’re ready to take on the world. There’s a smorgasbord of people out there who you can meet and share your experiences with. Make yourself known. Make them feel privileged that they are having the opportunity to meet you.
There are billions of people in the world. But there’s only one you.
Make it count.