No I am not dead.
I took off the last two days of last week and headed up to my alma mater, Binghamton University. I had not been there in two years, and I took the days off, along with the weekend, as a mental health-vacation/hiatus from all things work and blogging. Normally, I would inform you all if I am planning to take some time off, but the truth is I had actually planned to blog on Wednesday before departing on my trip, but didn’t get around to it. But my apologies.
If I do spontaneously die one of these days, I’ll do my best to knock out one more blog during my last moments as I cling to life. That is where my priorities lie.
So, anyway, I attended Binghamton for an event that goes by the name of “Senior Bar Crawl.” In short, on the Thursday that lies between the end of finals and graduation, the seniors embark on an all-day pub crawl, starting at noonish, and make their way down the entire strip and drink all day.
Nearly every bar in the downtown area takes part in it, and beers cost anywhere between $1 to $2 pretty much all day long. Sadly, this was actually my fourth bar crawl. You’re really only meant to do it once. And even more sadly, it probably will not be my last.
Now I had greatly anticipated this trip. During my college years, from roughly 2005 to 2009, I didn’t have as much success with the female gender as one would hope. I was young, lacking confidence and inexperienced.
Three years later, as a 25-year old, I am slightly older, a little confident, and …kind of experienced.
I mean, it’s not like I expected every younger college chick to sway at the sight of me as if they were laying eyes on one of the Beatles circa 1972, but, I thought that my somewhat respectable abilities now would translate fairly well.
As a working man, I have a lot of things going for me. I assumed that 21-year-old girls would be very open to the idea of hooking up with older guys, and since I actually have money, I could buy shots and drinks for people and not even think twice about it. Especially since one drink in Binghamton costs about one-third the price as it does in New York City.
So, all in all, I went into Binghamton with pretty high expectations. I owed it to the younger college kid in me to hook up with college girls. I wanted to do it for him.
But what I forgot is that young girls who are on the verge of graduation have absolutely no desire to meet new people. None.
A tradition of Bar Crawl is that close friends will design their own matching shirts and hit up all of the bars together. It’s a form of camaraderie and allows kids to show off their creativity. I saw some funny ones, one of them being a parody of Carly Rae Jepsen’s song, which said “Fuck Me Maybe.”
Essentially, if you weren’t wearing the same shirt as another girl, then she really had no interest in talking to you.
But, in hindsight, that should have been expected. It reminds me of my own college days. Towards the end, all you really wanted to do was hang out with your friends who you will not be seeing much anymore. I also recall all of the times when I didn’t even try to talk to random girls in bars. It turns out that it probably wouldn’t have even mattered anyway.
On a side note, I was also reminded of the blind and naive optimism that collegiate seniors exude during their final days before graduation. Whereas I expected them to be glum, they were all smiles and actually seemed prepared to move on to the next stage of their lives.
Suckers! They have absolutely no idea of the rude awakening that is in store for them. On a couple of occasions, when I did talk to some people, I thought about sharing some insight with them about how the next couple of years of their lives are going to be awful, but I digressed. I’ll let them discover it for themselves… why take the fun away?
So while I had fully expected the line “Hey, I graduated three years ago, and I have a job now” to win over all the ladies, it only amounted to the same success that I experienced during my own college years.
It’s high school girls who get the bad reputations for being bitchy, bossy and cliquey, but I discovered this past week that it is really college girls who deserve that reputation.
Or maybe I’m just no where near as good looking as I think.
Nah that can’t be it.