Facebook went public and… I have no idea what that means.

One of the biggest ongoing piece of news over the last couple of weeks is the fact that Facebook finally decided to go “public.” I believe that the announcement came a few months ago, and then it finally occurred earlier this month.

Since then, there have been daily stories about how the stock has been doing on practically every national news website.

When I read one of these articles, I swear to god that it might as well be written in Swahili. Between all the different numbers, percentages, decimals, and whatever the heck “IPOs” are, I really have not the slightest clue what the hell is going on.

Today, apparently, the Facebook stock climbed 3.2 percent, but it is still trading nearly 16 percent lower than its $38 IPO price.

What is going on in my head as I read that?

I mean, I get the general gist of the stock market. Companies go public, which allows any random shmoe to buy stock at their own expense, and techincally own part of the company — albeit a very, very, minuscule part. The more people who buy, the higher the price is. Right now, Facebook controls the world, so I imagine that it is probably among the highest costing stock in existence right now.

Obviously one buys stock at their own risk. You can invest money and it can turn into a fortune, but also, can watch it go up in smoke.

I wish that I knew how to accurately follow stocks. I feel that it could be a very practical way to invest money. As long as you know the language, and know how the market works, it’s not very risky.

But then you have someone like me. I’m unsure of how one would even go about placing their money on a stock. Do you just walk into the New York Stock Exchange and approach to the counter? Is there a cashier or a maître d’ like there is in a hotel? Can I just walk up to them and say, “I’ll take one Facebook stock, please?” And this might be a stupid question, but do other U.S. states have stock exchanges?

I can’t even begin to follow these articles about the progression of Facebook’s stock, because I don’t know any stock market terminologies. Instead of these extensive 700-word articles, websites should post articles that simply go either two ways:

Facebook stock: good.

Facebook stock: bad.

Now wouldn’t that be better for everyone? I truly hope that, as long as I live, I never, EVER, find out what an IPO is. And how do I make the Weinblog go private? Can I… can I become rich that way?

I’m going to check on that, but in the meantime, I came across something pretty cool yesterday and I thought that other people might be interested. I’m normally not one who would take a personality test, but after the urging from a valid source, I took one last night, and I could not believe how accurate the test was.

At this website (scroll to the bottom), you will get asked 60 very specific questions that you have to answer based on your own personal behavior. It shouldn’t take longer than six or seven minutes. You will be given a “personality type” when you submit your results, and then you can see a detailed description of your personality here.

Again, I was amazed at how accurate it was. Reading the five-paragraph description felt like I was reading a specialized psychoanalysis that was conducted specifically about me.

If you’re wondering, my personality type was INFJ, which means that I am highly intuitive, creative, selfless and that one day I will be a very good parent. It sounds like me to a T. Unfortunately it did not say anything about sexual prowess. Or maybe that’s a good thing.

Anyway, I’d advise you all to try it out.

In the meantime, I am going to go and find out how I can make the Weinblog public and make millions of dollars and never have to work a day in my life.

If it worked for Zuckerberg, it could work for me. Except I won’t marry an Asian.

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