I mean, come on. Sometimes I feel like girls actually want guys to jerk off to their Facebook pictures

Yesterday I wrote a solemn, eloquent post about my gratefulness towards veterans on Memorial Day.

Today will be different.

When Facebook began, there were really no worries. Only your classmates were on the ‘book, so you could go ahead and post whatever you wanted. You didn’t have to worry about any consequences back then with your use of language or your photos.

Flash forward five years later. Things could not be more different. Everyone from your mother, father, boss, boss’s boss to your grandmother is on Facebook now. Additionally, you hear reports on the news on a daily basis about how companies have fired employees solely because of what they put on their Facebook.

You can’t post pictures of yourself shotgunning a beer. You can’t keep photos of yourself lying face down in the grass after a night of heavy drinking.

Even I have my privacy settings more restricted. If my boss were to ever friend me, I would make sure he can’t see my photos. And right now I have it set so that only my friends can access my profile.

But in this day and age, it’s almost a wonder that people even post photos on Facebook anymore, at least in social situations. Or rather, just nights out at bars. There’s just nothing to gain and everything to lose when you do. Better be safe then sorry, right?

So when I am bored, and want to check out pictures of a girl on Facebook, only to discover that all of them have been removed, I become slightly let down. But then, immediately after, I gain a sense of respect for that person. It shows that they are responsible and that they have a lot of integrity. Also it shows that they are fully cognizant that Facebook can get you in trouble, and as a result, they’ve made the smart decision by removing their photos. If they have this mindset already, it probably means that they will grow up to be a hard and successful worker.

I still think it is a bit overboard when people change their names to avoid being found on Facebook, but I’ll digress.

It almost comes as a surprise when you click on somebody’s profile nowadays, and see that they have 1,000+ clickable photos. It means that they are probably ignorant and naive in thinking that what they put on Facebook can’t cause them any harm. But at the least, you would hope that they would still ensure that no risqué photos ever find their way towards their page.

And Whereas, whenever I see someone who has zero photos and think of them as responsible, conversely, when I see someone has thousands of photos viewable to everyone — I think in my head, “They’re not very bright.” Especially when I am not even friends with them and still have full access.

As Robert Downey Jr. would say in the movie Tropic Thunder, “You went full retard.”

But I haven’t even gotten to my main point yet. If you think that’s bad, what about the people who still, at the age of 25, post photos of themselves in promiscuous situations.

For whatever reason, half of my Facebook friends decided to go to Las Vegas this week. One of them is a group of girls, all of whom are attractive, who are legitimately posting pictures of themselves in bikinis and holding beers every five minutes.

Hey, I have no problem with it.

But given the exorbitant amount of photos I have seen, and we’re talking dozens, here — and this is only during. Just wait for the post-Vegas trip photo album; that’s going to be a doozy — I can only come to these conclusions.

For starters, I can conclude that they know they are hot, and they want to show off. They want girls to see these photos and be jealous of their bodies.

But, doesn’t every girl know that when they post a picture of themselves in a scanty bikini, that guys aren’t just going to look at them, think, “Cool, she looks very nice,” and then X it out and move on? Don’t they know that? They have to, right? So when you post picture after picture after picture, it just tells me that they know what guys are going to do with these photos, and they just don’t care. It’s the only thing that makes sense. It must give them a thrill to know that they are hot enough that they even fit into that category.

Because like I said, girls, like everyone else, know the importance of protecting their privacy in today’s age, both from employers and creepers alike. So to not only post pictures of such a nature, but to do it so recklessly, simply tells me that they encourage the voyeurism from the outside world.

And we’re not just talking photos of them with their arms around each other, standing on the shore with the sunset draped over them. We’re talking drunk bikini photos in provocative poses. And no, I’m not being creepy. They’re on my news feed every five minutes. I also had absolutely no idea that a girl is capable of wearing a bikini for three days straight.

Again, not that there’s anything wrong with it.

The other conclusion I can draw is that they clearly have not placed all of their life focus on maintaining a good career and place more emphasis on partying and having fun. But hey, so have I. So who am I to judge? I just won’t be posting pictures of myself in a speedo anytime soon, probably to the appreciation of all my Facebook friends.

Some things are just best left to the imagination.

That last sentence would have been a great way to end this blog, but I wanted to post something really quickly. Recently, actor and comedian Martin Short was on Kathy Lee Gifford’s daytime talk show that nobody watches, as he was promoting a new film.

The interview was going fine when Gifford asked Short about his wife, Nancy. She kept asking questions about her, and about how she’s doing. It sounds innocent enough, except for one small detail.

His wife died of cancer to years ago.

Awkward.

Realizing her mistake later, Gifford tweeted her apologies.

That seems all well and good. The problem? This is who she tweeted it to:

Double.

Fail.

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