How can people talk so loudly in public and be completely oblivious to those around them?

Of course I must begin today’s rendition of the Weinblog by justifying why I did not blog yesterday. Need not worry, it wasn’t because I didn’t feel like doing it — it’s simply because I didn’t have enough time (there’s not enough hours in the day!!)

Basically as soon as I left work yesterday I hopped on a train to the city to attend a Goldfinger/Reel Big Fish concert (which was awesome), and didn’t get home until about 12:30 a.m. So that sums that up.

And I am here now with a topic in hand.

So today I was at my favorite local deli picking up some dinner. It’s a really popular place and every time I go I usually end up standing line for about 10-20 minutes. But it’s so good that it’s more than worth it.

As I’m there, standing in line minding my own business, a girl who is sitting at a table behind me suddenly strikes up a conversation with one of the deli employees behind the register, who she was obviously friends with.

It wasn’t just one of those things where they had a quick exchange of one or two sentences and then stopped, they legitimately held a ten-minute conversation. Meanwhile, me and about five other customers are standing on line directly between them trying to act like we’re oblivious to the conversation. But that’s freaking impossible because you can easily hear every word. I couldn’t drown it out if I tried.

Words can’t express how irate I was becoming. When I go to pick up food, I want to stand in line quietly, not talk to anybody, not hear anybody, get my food, come home and eat. Anything that disrupts this formula is a huge nuisance.

I just can’t comprehend how people can talk so loudly and not expect that other people won’t only hear them, but that they will also judge them based on this behavior. And it’s not just this specific scenario, I’m out in public all the time when I hear either two people converse very loudly, or I hear somebody talking on their cell phone and not bothering to keep their voice down.

Whenever this happens, I can only come to a few basic conclusions.

1) They genuinely think that people won’t listen. But if that’s the case, then they are obviously unaware of human nature and people’s innate tendencies to be as intrusive in other people’s lives as possible. That makes them dumb.

2) They genuinely don’t care if other people hear them or not. If this is the case, then this tells me that they exhibit this behavior all of the time. And, in my opinion, it’s not necessarily because they are that indifferent towards other people’s opinions, but because they are too dumb to know any better. They are oblivious to the fact that what they are saying aloud might sound stupid, and that other people might judge them for it.

Call me shy or reserved, but I do not like to be overheard in public by strangers. I don’t need other people to know what I am saying. I’m very conscious of all of the actions that I take, and I don’t need to barge in other people’s lives by exposing them to things I have to say when they don’t ask for it.

Whenever somebody does this, I have no problem labeling them as an annoying person in general. If they are okay with this behavior, then who knows what other annoying behaviors they perform?

The worst part about all this was that I, stuck in the middle of this whole ordeal, had to actually pretend like this conversation wasn’t actually bothering me. I had to do things like pretend I’m reading text messages or checking scores on my phone just to make it seem like this audible, obnoxious conversation had no affect on me. Essentially, I had to alter my behavior just to accommodate to these jackasses that wouldn’t shut the hell up.

Seriously, do you not have any respect for other people’s desires to mind their own business? Think about that. I actually had to go out of my way to mind my own business and not eavesdrop. That’s not cool.

And, I mean, you’re the biggest scumbag in the world if you turn around and tell them to be quiet. Because in their eyes, they are doing absolutely nothing wrong because they don’t know any better. Again — they’re dumb.

If I want to hear a live discussion that doesn’t involve me, I’ll turn on CSPAN. But if I’m going to get my food, and I’m hungry, tired and cranky, the last thing I want to hear is a public conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with me in any shape, way or form.

Just don’t do it.

 

People who wish that “there were more hours in a day” actually just suck at utilizing their time.

If I received a dollar every time I heard somebody exclaim how “they wish there were more hours in a day,” then I would probably have enough money to buy… like a… fancy chair or something. With a swivel.

Seriously though, it’s fairly often when you hear somebody express this complaint. I can understand why somebody might say it at a given moment — they are experiencing a sense of motivation, but conflicting engagements disallow them from devoting the proper amount of time to do what they want to do. Hence the “Need more time!” sentiment.

But, I mean, who are you? Superman? Do you work your side job, fight crime, save lives, and then try to make it home for tea? Is your day really that busy?

Let’s break down a day, shall we? Each day holds:

24 hours.
1140 minutes.
86400 seconds.

Is that really not enough time to do all of the things that you want to do?

Now let’s break down the necessities that people must perform in an average day.

Right off the bat, we can say that the average person is expected to devote hours towards work. Of course that varies per job. Some people work less, some people work more. But we have to use the average, and 8 should fit the bill.

And then you have to figure commute. If you’re commuting more than an hour to work each day, then you’re doing it wrong. I understand that people, either voluntarily or involuntarily, accept jobs that are over an hour of travel distance away from their home. Well, that’s when you move. So, even if it’s the extreme case, where you commute an hour both ways, then that takes up two hours of your day, making it 10 hours that are occupied towards work.

And of course, there is sleep. Studies say that people need 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night. I myself usually get 8, but I know my friends well enough to know that 8 hours of sleep is a more of a luxury than anything. So I’m going to chalk this one up to 7 hours of your day devoted towards sleeping.

So what do we got here? 8 + 2 + 7 = 17.

That leaves us with 7 hours at your leisure. And obviously we are going by workdays here, not weekends.

For girls, it probably takes an hour just to get ready for work. So there’s one of those hours. But that still leaves you with six hours to do whatever the heck you want. Six hours!

You can spend one hour exercising, one hour conducting a hobby of yours (writing, painting, reading, etc.) one hour preparing and eating food, and even still  have three hours to spare.

Those three hours can be extremely flexible. You can use them to go to the supermarket, go to happy hour, see a movie, get a manicure, catch up on your DVR, get an extra hour of sleep, whatever. You get the point.

The point is that the day allots us more than enough time do whatever it is you want to do. I mean, sure, if you have an absolutely excruciating 14-hour day at work, then yeah, your day is going to suck and you will not have time to do anything.

Anyone who uses the excuse of “not enough time in the day” as a crutch are simply avoiding the real truth — they’re lazy and unmotivated. If you want to get back into something — art, music, exercise, interpretive dance, then you have plenty of time to do it. But you’re just not doing it because you don’t actually want to.

If you ask me, you need to stop being awful at utilizing your time. Obviously, when other things come up on any given day, then you’re going to have to prioritize. You may have to cut out one of your scheduled activities due to a lack of time. This is when you use that organ located in your head to figure that out. It’s called your brain.

But if one of your hobbies is really important to you, than don’t immediately rule that one out simply because it’s a “hobby.” If it’s something you love doing, then make sure you squeeze it in. Cut something else out. Again, if there’s something you really want to do, then you can easily fit it in over the course of a 24-hour-day.

The problem isn’t time.

It’s you.

Can we end the Instagram craze already?

So the news was dominated this weekend by stories of bullied bus monitors and child molesters rightfully receiving max prison sentences, but that’s old news so who cares anymore?

Today I am going to discuss something that is long overdue. Instagram.

I delayed discussing this topic because I was desperately hoping that Instagram would be one of those trends that is popular for like a month and then disappears into oblivion. But unfortunately it has not.

And now I will unleash my wrath.

I am not entirely sure when Instagram become so popular. But I want to say it was sometime earlier this year, possibly even late last year. It seemed like it was one of those things that appeared overnight — one day nobody was using it, and the next day everybody was using it.

For maybe the one person who doesn’t know what Instagram is; it is a simple photo editing application that was first available for iPhones and then became available for Droids. Upon taking a photo using your camera phone, you can upload it to Instagram, and then edit it by changing the color scheme, the shadows and other stupid things. And then you can either post it to the Instagram site, or you can post it on Facebook using the Instagram link.

Ok, so let me think about what bothers me the most with Instagram.

Well, for starters, using Instagram does not make you artistic. I posted almost this same exact thing with the addition of the Facebook cover photos, and I’ll repeat it here. Uploading a picture to an application and then clicking one button to change the colors does not give you one shred of artistic talent.

I swear, people post these stupid photos of things like shirts hanging on a clothing line, and then change the tint and suddenly they think they are Pablo freaking Picasso.

By far the worst is when people actually take photos while they are driving. This amuses me for several reasons. Firstly, you are actually risking your life to take a photo. Think about that.

When I see this, I don’t look at the landscape, I look at the road right in front of them. I’m curious to see if they are legitimately on the verge of crashing. It’s illegal to drink and drive, it’s illegal to talk on a cell phone and drive, and not only should it be illegal to use Instagram and drive — it should warrant a one-way ticket to the electric chair.

Another thing that bothers me about Instagram is that it is not even original. Photo editing has existed for a really, really long time. People were editing photos in goddamn dark rooms when you were still just glint in the eye of your father before he had sex with your mother. Those people are artistic. You are not.

And even way after that, before smart phones, photo editing existed on computers. Shit, I used to use Microsoft Paint to change the color schemes just for fun when I was 10-years-old. But yeah, as a 20+ year-old, you should feel proud for using it.

It could not annoy me more when somebody tries to talk about how much they enjoy Instagram. They say things like, “Oh my god! You can just, like, click on a button on this app, and suddenly you can make a photo look cool! This is such revolutionary technology! Whoever invented Instagram is a genius!”

Okay, I will give you the last bit. Whoever invented Instgram is indeed a genius, but not because they reinvented the wheel, but because they created a simplified application that caters to dumbasses like you who can’t actually figure shit out for themselves.

The last thing about Instagram that pisses me off is that people who do use it — use it all the time. Like for every single picture.

Let me just shed some insight here. Not every single freaking picture is improved by modification. There is such a thing as capturing a moment in time and appreciating it for its natural appeal and its authenticity. There is absolutely zero need to modify a perfectly good photo and make it look like it’s printed on a 400-year-old piece of parchment. That is the exact opposite of art.

I can just picture the mindset of these idiots. They take a pleasant-looking photo, and then without thinking, change the color to make it look more older and faded and then just upload it straight to Facebook. I bet these people don’t even realize that Instagram allots you plenty of other photo editing options other than sepia tone and bronze tint.

If I downloaded the app, I could probably edit a photo on my first try much better than the average person who uses it regularly. But I refuse to ever download Instagram because not only is it against my principles, but I think there is something aesthetically beautiful about taking the perfect photo at the perfect moment and leaving it as is.

That is how you truly improve your artistic skills. Try to acquire a better sense of placement, angling, light, distance and timing, and don’t cheat yourself by using a photo-editing application. That is how you truly better yourself as an artist, and avoid becoming a “hack.”

Do you think photos like these needed Instagram to be considered “good?”

Would Muhammad Ali’s imposing glare look better with a bronze hue? Should the sky beyond the soldiers have a brightish tint? And would the tanks look prettier in a sepia tone?

Yeah, didn’t think so.

This kid.

Let’s dissect this young man, shall we?

1. He’s gay.

Let’s just get this out of the way. It’ll be everybody’s first thoughts upon watching that video.

In theory, it’s wrong to generalize somebody based on observing them for only a few minutes. But it’s as evident as can be. He acts the part, sounds the part, and even used the words “sky” and “majestically” in the same sentence. As sure as I am that the grass is green, the sky is blue, and that I will not get laid this weekend — that kid is gay.

He has every right to be as ecstatic as he wants, he just won a $75,000 scholarship for Christ’s sake. But his celebration is very overly flamboyant, and of course, that is going to attract ridicule. Just look at the first YouTube comment that has 17 likes, saying “That dude’s totally gay.”

2. He’s a hell of a lot smarter than you and me. Combined.

Once you get past his flamboyant jubilation, his high-pitched voice and his diatribe about majestic skies, he begins to elaborate on the project he created. And that’s when you start to forget about everything else and think, “this dude’s really, really frickin’ smart.”

His creation supposedly detects pancreatic cancer in its earliest stages, and he explains how it works by throwing terms like antibodies, molecules, atoms, Carbon and proteins in our faces.

I tried as hard as I could to listen and follow what he was saying; heck, I even listened to it twice. I just couldn’t. I zoned out somewhere between ninth grade earth science and tenth grade biology, and that’s where my science career ended.

You can even see as he’s explaining his project, at the 3:20 mark, the slightest trace of a smirk on his face, and even though he doesn’t miss a beat while explaining his scientific concoctions, you can tell that he’s looking at his interviewer straight in the eyes and thinking, “This dude has no fucking clue what I’m talking about.” 

3. He will save lives.

While I sure as hell couldn’t explain the science behind it, what I understand is that his project is a simple paper sensor that is able to detect pancreatic cancer. Apparently an excess of a certain type of antibody causes the cancer, and if you contain that excess, the paper sensor will somehow show it.

The brilliance lies in the fact that it’s extremely simple, and the materials he used to make it cost him not dollars, but cents. Also, the importance is that it detects the cancer before it becomes invasive, and thus it can be treated before it’s too late.

Of course, people still don’t make a habit of regularly checking themselves for pancreatic cancer, no matter how simple the test is, so plenty of people will still die. But maybe doctors will begin administering the test during yearly physicals. Either way, it sounds like it does have the potential to save a lot of lives.

That’s not too shabby of a science project. I get excited when I create a drinkable cup using a piece of paper. This kid created a cancer sensor. And he’s 15.

4. In 100 years, he will be remembered — you won’t.

I’m sure somewhere during the next century, another invention will come along that will innovate cancer study equally as much as this one, if not to a greater extent. But if this kid’s creation is really as simple a sit sounds, then it will really take a hell of a creation to top. At the very least, he has officially set the bar as far as cancer detection goes.

Jonas Salk created the polio vaccine. That was in 1955. I know his name because he accomplished something extraordinary. Salk apparently had two younger brothers, but I do not know their names. That is because they did not accomplish something extraordinary.

Polio was a deadly disease, killing 3,100 people in 1952 in the U.S. alone. Because of Salk’s vaccine, the disease is now practically nonexistent.

Will this kid become as famous and memorable as Jonas Salk in fifty or a hundred years? Who knows. But his accomplishment will still be known.

Oh, and the kid’s name is Jack Andraka.

5. If I were his father, I couldn’t be more proud of him.

Umm, duh. Your son may have just cured three forms of deadly cancer. He won $75,000. That calls for a celebratory family dinner.

Everyone dreams, upon having children, that they will go on to accomplish something great. Maybe you even wish for them to accomplish the things that you were never able to accomplish.

Would it be nice for your kid to grow up to have the same exact interests in you? Sure. But I think, first and foremost, you want them to try hard, live life the right way, and make a difference in the world.

I think detecting and preventing cancer qualifies.

Conclusion.

What was this kid’s sexual orientation again?

Does it matter?

I applaud the Facebook world on this boiling hot day

Earlier this week, somebody told me that temperatures were supposed to hit the mid-to-high 90s as the week progressed. Since I only acknowledge information that is given to me by valid sources, I verified her story using the website of the National Weather Service, and saw that it was, in fact, expect to reach said temperatures on Wednesday and Thursday.

Upon seeing this, my immediate reaction was, “Aw, shit.”

I was not expressing disappointment with how the sizzling hot temperatures might affect me physically. Instead, the reason I became angry is because I knew how awful Facebook was going to be on this day.

People love to complain about the weather. They act like they are the only ones who are affected by it, and express how they’d much prefer to be “at the beach.”

What’s my retort to that? I say, go to the beach, then. Quit your job, and go straight to the beach. See if it’s worth it.

Whenever anyone says to me that they’d rather be at the beach, or complains about how they’re “stuck at work” on a hot day, I respond by saying that there is no where else I’d rather be than right here at work. I am very happy to have my job. If I was free to go to the beach on a Wednesday afternoon, then it most likely means that I am unemployed and not making any money.

Also, your office building is probably air-conditioned. So you are actually quite cool and completely unaffected by the hot weather. On a Wednesday afternoon, the beach is the last place I want to be.

So given this mindset, I checked Facebook throughout the day with the expectation of becoming very angry at people.

However, I honestly can say that I did not see any posts about people complaining about the hot weather. I couldn’t believe it. Have people actually matured? Have they come to realize that having a job and getting work done is more important than spending a day lounging at the beach? Have they made the astute observation that weather is something that is completely beyond their control, and thus complaining about it serves no purpose?

Whatever the reason I was, I must admit that I am very grateful to every single one of my Facebook friends for not subjecting me to nonsensical grievances about inconveniences that our out of our control.

I feel that as much as I complain about people’s behaviors on Facebook, I also must give credit where credit is due. So I solemnly tip my cap, even though I’m not wearing one) to those who battled through and survived the heat, and did it without bickering about it on Facebook. Of course, there are still four hours remaining in the day for people to disappoint me.

Speaking of the heat, a lot of individuals — mostly females — who live in New York City spent their time during the heat weave in a very unique way.

By doing yoga.

With hundreds of others. For real.

The day-long free yoga event, sponsored by Lucy Activewear and held at Broadway between 42nd and 47th Streets, happens every year to mark the summer solstice. The event features musical performances, speakers, raffles, and free giveaways.

Four free hour-and-a-half classes were offered throughout the day until 8:30 p.m. and attracted a steady stream of people of all ages, places, and yoga levels.

I actually combined two different articles to provide that information above, but I seriously don’t think one person in the world gives a shit.

Anyway, so I heard about this yoga thing a few hours ago, and I still haven’t decided whether it is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, or the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Hundreds of chicks in tight clothing in flexible positions? I kind of wish I could have just sat there and watched. I would’ve ensured that they were all doing their stretches properly. Because I’m a good guy like that.

Also, if the blonde in the third picture is 18 or older, I’d have sex with her in a second. But if she isn’t, then nevermind. Okay, I’m done. I’m going to spend the rest of the day blasting my AC and watching Netflix.

Namaste.

Having a $50 bill in your wallet is cool for just like one day

Yesterday I was at Dunkin’ Donuts grabbing my afternoon cup of coffee, when I reached into my wallet to grab some change. My coffee only cost like $1.60, but I only had three bills in my pocket; a $20, another $20, and a $50.

Side note: I bet that 9/10 people can’t name the president on this bill

For a moment, I had to think about how I even possessed a $50. Unless I’m shopping at freaking Tiffany’s, I am not going to spend enough money on something that necessitates me getting fifty dollars worth of change. Also, ATM’s do not distribute $50s. Even if you request that amount of money, you will be given two twenties and a ten.

It is those factors that led me to realize that I rarely am in possession of bills that are greater than a $20.

But then I remembered that I received the $50 over the weekend, because I was collecting money for the concert tickets I had purchased for my friends. It was one of my friends who gave me a $50. How he got it I have no idea. Perhaps he deals drugs. And if he does, I need to figure out his rates.

But anyway, the point is that I had a $50 bill.

At first, I have to admit, I felt pretty ballin’. As I stated earlier, it’s not every day you have such a bill in your pocket. Especially when you’re still working at your entry-level job.

Naturally, I made a point to take out the $50 bill to let everyone know that I had one. I made some stupid comment to justify it, like, “When the hell did I get a fifty-dollar bill?” Even though I knew perfectly well when.

In that one sheet of paper, I had enough money to buy 25 coffees. I could buy a round of shots for all of my friends at the bar. I could get a 10-minute lap dance from a stripper. All with one little sheet of paper.

It might sound pathetic, but it makes you feel a little powerful to hold such a bill.

But then came the next immediate thought. How was I going to pay for my coffee? Obviously I wouldn’t use a $50 to pay for a $1.60 coffee, and besides, Dunkin’ Donuts actually has a strict policy where they do not accept bills greater than $50. So I couldn’t use it even if I wanted to.

Today I had the same problem. My lunch cost about seven bucks, and that still wasn’t enough money to use it on. I have a feeling that this is going to be a problem for a long time.

As cool as having a fifty-dollar bill is for the first day, it’s equally as annoying for every other day you possess it. It’s just going to sit there, unusable, inside of your wallet. It almost serves no purpose. I almost want to make it a counterfeit bill and scratch out the 0, so that it looks like a 5. Then I can actually use it.

It’s sitting there in my wallet. Haunting me. It knows it’s never going to be used.

Also, I know I can just walk into a store and ask for a change, but come on, no cashiers or store owners want me to do that. I always feel guilty whenever I pay for something that costs less than $3 and I have no choice but to pay with a $20. Stores must have such an excess of 20-dollar-bills at all times, when what they really need is smaller bills so they can better distribute change.

So I can’t even imagine what dirty looks I’d get from storekeepers if I asked them to take my $50 off of my hands. I’d probably be outlawed from the store.

I can only think of one legitimate strategy; head to a bar this weekend, order an exorbitant amount of drinks, and use it to pay my tab. Everyone wins!

Well everyone except the starving children in Kenya who will never see fifty dollars in their lifetimes. Sorry guys. I feel for you.

Before I go, here is the cover of the recent issue of GQ magazine, featuring the one and only Kate Upton.

Oh man. Okay, it’s time for me to, uh, well I just gotta go.

Monday motivation

Hello all. I decided to use yesterday as one of my once-a-month “mental health blog-free” Sundays. In other words, I was hung over.

But it was a well deserved hangover. I attended a concert in ye olde city of York on Saturday night with three friends. Normally when I see a show I end up seeing a band that most people don’t listen to. But this time I saw a band that has been tearing up the charts for months now.

If you can’t read the inside of his shirt, it says “Fun.”

You all know their monster hit “We are Young,” which, side note, while a fun song — is actually about domestic violence if you listen to the lyrics. But that’s for another day.

I’ll be the first to admit that it’s an incredibly catchy song, and I like it. But most people are unaware that Fun. now have put out two very solid albums, and had good songs well before “We are Young.” Anyway, the band put on an absolutely amazing and entertaining show. It was enjoyable. It was merry. It was pleasant. It was lively. It was emphatic. It was energetic. It was jubilant. It was every adjective that conveys that a good time was had.

Alright, fine. It was fun. God dammit.

Oh and one more side note before I jump into today’s topic. I discovered that apparently if you invite President Obama and his wife Michelle to your wedding, they won’t actually come (obviously), but you will receive a special RSVP card congratulating you on your matrimony. It’s the stuff that wedding albums are made of.

I found this article, which explains how the White House gets thousands of invitations a year, and then this article explains how to go about inviting the Obamas to your special day.

Upon sharing this, I think every married person just let out a collective disappointed groan knowing that they missed out big time. Don’t worry, you can always get divorced!

Okay, so, today is Monday. Most people enjoy feeling miserable on Mondays, and try to bring everyone else down with them. Personally, while I dislike Mondays as much as the next guy, I try to remain optimistic. In just four days it will be Friday again.

But recently, I started following Dakota Meyer on Twitter. He’s the young Marine who became famous last year when he became the first living recipient in 38 years to be awarded the Medal of Honor. If you don’t know his story, just look up his Wiki page. He is a true American hero.

Anyway, apparently he takes it upon himself to post an inspirational quote every morning, hash-tagging it “Morning Motivation.” It’s a very noble thing to do, as you never know just who you might inspire on any given day. Well, I read a bunch of them yesterday, and there was one that really stuck with me.

I read this once over, thought about it for a few seconds, and decided it was one of the most brilliant things I’ve ever heard. It’s so simple, yet so profound. And who knows, I may be over-analyzing it. But let me give you my interpretation.

Something to love.

This is the best part of the quote. What I like about it so much is that he didn’t say that we need “love,” or that we need “someone to love.” he said we need “something to love.”

Life has no purpose if there isn’t something that you care about deeply about. Exhibiting strong feelings for something is what makes us who we are. Whether it’s another person — a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a girlfriend, boyfriend, grandparent, friend — or whether it’s your pet, or whether it’s a greater being like God, a physical object like your car, or even if it’s your freaking teddy bear. We need something to devote our feelings toward. Without these feelings, we exist, but our existence has no purpose. If you can’t love something, then why bother?

Something to work on

I like this simplicity of this phrasing also. He didn’t say we need “something to do,” because that leaves the door open for useless activities like smoking pot or updating your Facebook status.

We need something to work on. The key to life is moving forward and improving oneself. We work at our day-jobs because we want to have purpose in this world. We want to be a functioning cog in the great machinery that is our society. That is definitely one big thing to work on.

But aside from physical tasks, you can work on intangible things. Like being nicer or friendlier. It’s these tasks that keep us going, and that keep us living a productive life. Productivity is everything.

Something to look forward to.

I have long said that life’s excitement derives from the next big adventure. And I don’t necessarily mean your week-long trip to Italy over the summer. I mean even the simple things, like a barbecue at a friend’s house, or a birthday party on a Friday night. Maybe it’s a sporting event you’re going to, or a concert you are attending. Maybe it’s a date with someone special to you. It could be anything. As long as it’s something.

Working hard is important — and mandatory — but having fun, doing new things and keeping yourself excited for tomorrow is equally as important. It’s these moments and life events that keep us going.

And when the countdown hits 0, and the big day comes, then find something else to look forward to. Go ahead and circle the next date on the calendar. It’s a cycle that should never end.

And that is what I think about Mr. Dakota Meyer’s quote, or should I say, his tweet. I suppose that it is the beauty of an inspirational message; you can interpret it however you wish, and it doesn’t matter how you do it as long as it means something. So thanks, Dakota.

So ignore all of the drab, downer Facebook posts about how “It’s Monday, aw man,” and stay motivated.

Remember, Friday is just four days away. Circle it.

This picture should be posted on every lamppost in the world

Normally I am not a fan of Facebook photos that other people “share” to others. I just don’t enjoy it when media is force fed down my throat. If I want to seek out what’s popular right now, then I’ll check twitter, maybe even head over to Reddit (which I sort of am beginning to understand now), and see what the latest memes and hot items are.

But when I see that four different people both shared the same photo, then it just instantly annoys me. I don’t even care what the photo is. And usually they’re stupid anyway.

The very worst is when someone posts one of those “e-cards” that has some witty phrase with some stupid photograph along with it. I used to think those were funny, but now every time I see one I want to throw my laptop across the room.

If you see something you like, enjoy it solely. Maybe email it to a friend. You do not need to share it with everybody.

But then, today, a Facebook friend posted an image. The moment my eyes caught sight of the photograph, every piece of anger I’ve ever felt suddenly faded into oblivion. Any stress, worries or fears that may have been layered deep within my subconscious manifested itself into one giant ball of nothing. All ill-fated memories at the forefront of my brain were replaced by blissful ones, and all malicious ruminations meandering through my cerebral cortex vanished like dust in the wind.

The picture I was witnessing was so cute, so adorable and so lovable that I couldn’t possibly think of anything but happy thoughts. For a moment I forgot about all poverty, war, crime, corruption, violence, Rebecca Black, inequality and injustice that exists in the world.

In the moment that light reflected off the image from my computer screen, and traveled through my iris, cornea and retinas and informed my brain what I was looking at, everything in the world was beautiful.

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present to you a photo of a 3-day-old baby dear and a 3-week-old bobcat… cuddling.

OH. MY. GOD.

This, without a shadow of a doubt, is the most adorable picture that I have ever seen.

The context of this picture is that there were recent fires in Santa Barbara, California, and the two animals were rescued. The bobcat kitten was dehydrated and near death. Normally wild animals — particularly of different species — are kept distances apart, but due to the emergency situation there was no choice. The kitten immediately ran to the fawn, and they immediately bonded and snuggled for several hours.

Okay, I gotta do it. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. There.

I’m convinced that if this picture was posted in public places all over the world, then no bad deed would ever be committed. How can you rob a store, or shoot somebody, or commit suicide, when you are within direct sight of this photo? It’s just not possible.

I mean, just look at what this is. These are two animals of a different species, who normally represent predator and prey, cuddling with one another.

Humans eat each other’s faces off. Animals cuddle. Which are better?

I’d like to think that this friendship will last forever. That the two animals will continue loving each other, will sing songs and play together in meadows, and then will return to their respective breeds and inform them how just because other animals are different, doesn’t mean that they are not wonderful.

But we all know that if these two animals were to stay together for an extended period of time, one would probably kill the other. But let’s just ignore that and focus on the cuddliness!

If that photo isn’t the best way to start a weekend, then I don’t know what it is.

So people, just remember, when you are in the darkest of situations, and when you feel like all hope is lost and you have no where to turn, try — try with all of your heart — to remember the bobcat and the deer.

It will save your life.

Is learning a second language really that important? At all?

There are roughly 6,500 different languages spoken in this world. Some are common and some are rare. You all know what the common ones are.

Learning a language is a funny concept. When I took Spanish in high school, I had no chance. I was a young teenager and had absolutely no interest in learning a language. And if you truly want to learn a language, you need to be fully committed and dedicated.

Sure, I remember a few words, like manana and pollo, but I can’t speak actual sentences. Trying to learn a new language is a treacherous and daunting task. Sure, people will say, “Oh my god, Rosetta Stone actually works! Just listen to it for a few weeks and you’ll speak another language fluently!!!!”

But I’m sure that’s not true. Like anything else, learning a language takes determination and repetition. That’s how you truly learn something — by hammering it home day after day. Nobody is going to learn something overnight. You have to keep at it and keep repeating the same shit in and day out. So why bother?

The reason I said it’s funny is because we all have learned a language in our lifetime. For most, if not all, the people who are reading this, it’s English. I just find it humorous because as infants we learn a language when we aren’t even trying to learn one. We simply grow up with it.

So how can my 1-year-old self learn an entire language — one of the more complex ones in the world, at that — and yet my 25-year-old self can’t even learn one freaking word in another language?

But then I put some more thought it into it. Do I really need to learn another language? Is it that important?

The answer is no.

I’m going to sound like a cocky American, but, everybody in the world learns English. It is much more important for those in other countries to learn English than it is for us to learn their stupid languages. Because it it’s in the United States where it’s all happening. I don’t make the rules. So as long as they learn English, then we’re good. I don’t need to learn their language.

Also, what practical reasons would I need to learn a new language for?

I completely agree that it is extremely impressive to be bilingual. If I meet someone who knows multiple languages, I will immediately think highly of that person. I’ll assume that they are intelligent, cultural and successful.

But I’m still not going to do it.

The only practical reason I can think of would be if I was planning to move to a foreign country for an extended period of time. If I am going to live there, and actually want to communicate with people, then I should probably know the language. But I ain’t leaving America, so there goes that. I’m having a hard enough time leaving my freaking parents’ house, let alone the country.

If I’m going on vacation, then I’m not going to spend a second trying to learn a new language. They’ll probably speak English at my hotel, and that’s all I need. I don’t plan on meeting any natives. But I will invade their beaches, their restaurants and their bars.

If I were studying abroad, then perhaps I might take a few minutes to learn some key words. I would just learn the words that I would need to know in order to function within their society. I would learn words like “beer,” “bathroom” and “Call me, maybe?”

In all honesty, the only reason I would ever want to learn a language is this: to impress people.

For the reasons I stated earlier, I want people to become amazed by the fact that I am capable of speaking two languages fluently. I would speak the language at random times, and watch as girls drool with admiration at my cognitive abilities. It would be a fantastic icebreaker that would hopefully lead to a night of tonsil hockey. I might even introduce her to my Rosetta Bone. That is seriously the only reason I would ever consider learning another language.

I certainly don’t mean to discourage — and definitely not insult — those who plan to learn or have learned a second language. Again, I am impressed with your abilities. However, in my humble opinion, as a speaker of the third most common language in the world, and living in the third most populous country in the world, I have officially deemed it unnecessary to learn another language.

Bonjour.

Do people actually wear raincoats?

There’s one thing that I have noticed about style; the more it changes, the more adverse it becomes to rainy weather.

Back when I was a late teen, or even into my early 20s, I didn’t really care too much about how I looked. I’ll admit it — I allowed my mom to continue buying me clothes. I didn’t ask her to buy me clothes. But she just did. Most of the time her purchases were acceptable enough for me to wear.

And when that was the case, rain — or any type of crappy weather — didn’t faze me in the slightest. I had a buzz cut so it had no effect there, and my clothes weren’t anything I valued. So whatever. Besides, it was just water.

But I buy everything now. In the last few years, I’ve actually begun to care about how I look. I do my hair, wear new shirts, buy new shoes every few months, you name it. I am as narcissistic and self-aware as they come when it comes to my personal appearance.

So in the past, where I didn’t care at all about having to trek through the train, compared to presently, it makes me feel extremely feminine when I find myself running from my front door to my car with my briefcase (okay, fine… my Nike bag that I’ve used since high school) shielding the top of my head. It’s a little embarrassing.

But think about it. What new styles ever come about that are actually conducive to bad weather? When’s the last time you heard a shirt or a pair of pants advertised with the statement, “They go great with the rain!” The more fashionable you become, the more screwed you are when shitty weather is upon you.

Of course, there are always umbrellas. I’ve lightened up on my stance on umbrellas — they obviously are practical. But I still try to avoid them if I can. I’ll only use one if I know I’m going to be outside in the rain for extended periods of time. I don’t need an umbrella to walk to my car. My Nike bag will do.

So then, what?

And don’t even dare mention this:

I mean, seriously, when is the last time you actually witnessed somebody wearing a raincoat? They are the ugliest color and they are the least stylish pieces of apparel I’ve ever seen.

I’m sure my parents stuffed me in a raincoat when I was like 2 or 3-years-old, but I haven’t worn one since. So I can’t even vouch for how effective they actually are. Are raincoats really so successful at repelling rain that they need to be incorporated into people’s repertoires? Just the mere thought of wearing a raincoat is amusing to me.

How come no company has tried to make a stylish raincoat? Or even better, a plaid raincoat. Now that would be sick.

Although I’m sure some company has tried to do it, but obviously it hasn’t caught on too well if I’m not aware of it. There are only two people who could get away with wearing raincoats, and they aren’t even human.

Curious George and Paddington bear. Now these guys rock the raincoats very well. But unfortunately for these critters, they are not trend setters. Perhaps if Kim Kardashian or LeBron James started walking down the streets in raincoats, then maybe we would see an influx of yellow coats on clothing store racks. But I do not really see that happening.

Even in a tsunami you would never see me don a raincoat. I’d rather die of hypothermia. At least I could say I died like a man.

And don’t even get me started with ponchos. They are glorified garbage bags. What a fashion nightmare!

Hmm, when did I become Perez Hilton? I’m going to go stand in the rain for a little while.