Do people actually wear raincoats?

There’s one thing that I have noticed about style; the more it changes, the more adverse it becomes to rainy weather.

Back when I was a late teen, or even into my early 20s, I didn’t really care too much about how I looked. I’ll admit it — I allowed my mom to continue buying me clothes. I didn’t ask her to buy me clothes. But she just did. Most of the time her purchases were acceptable enough for me to wear.

And when that was the case, rain — or any type of crappy weather — didn’t faze me in the slightest. I had a buzz cut so it had no effect there, and my clothes weren’t anything I valued. So whatever. Besides, it was just water.

But I buy everything now. In the last few years, I’ve actually begun to care about how I look. I do my hair, wear new shirts, buy new shoes every few months, you name it. I am as narcissistic and self-aware as they come when it comes to my personal appearance.

So in the past, where I didn’t care at all about having to trek through the train, compared to presently, it makes me feel extremely feminine when I find myself running from my front door to my car with my briefcase (okay, fine… my Nike bag that I’ve used since high school) shielding the top of my head. It’s a little embarrassing.

But think about it. What new styles ever come about that are actually conducive to bad weather? When’s the last time you heard a shirt or a pair of pants advertised with the statement, “They go great with the rain!” The more fashionable you become, the more screwed you are when shitty weather is upon you.

Of course, there are always umbrellas. I’ve lightened up on my stance on umbrellas — they obviously are practical. But I still try to avoid them if I can. I’ll only use one if I know I’m going to be outside in the rain for extended periods of time. I don’t need an umbrella to walk to my car. My Nike bag will do.

So then, what?

And don’t even dare mention this:

I mean, seriously, when is the last time you actually witnessed somebody wearing a raincoat? They are the ugliest color and they are the least stylish pieces of apparel I’ve ever seen.

I’m sure my parents stuffed me in a raincoat when I was like 2 or 3-years-old, but I haven’t worn one since. So I can’t even vouch for how effective they actually are. Are raincoats really so successful at repelling rain that they need to be incorporated into people’s repertoires? Just the mere thought of wearing a raincoat is amusing to me.

How come no company has tried to make a stylish raincoat? Or even better, a plaid raincoat. Now that would be sick.

Although I’m sure some company has tried to do it, but obviously it hasn’t caught on too well if I’m not aware of it. There are only two people who could get away with wearing raincoats, and they aren’t even human.

Curious George and Paddington bear. Now these guys rock the raincoats very well. But unfortunately for these critters, they are not trend setters. Perhaps if Kim Kardashian or LeBron James started walking down the streets in raincoats, then maybe we would see an influx of yellow coats on clothing store racks. But I do not really see that happening.

Even in a tsunami you would never see me don a raincoat. I’d rather die of hypothermia. At least I could say I died like a man.

And don’t even get me started with ponchos. They are glorified garbage bags. What a fashion nightmare!

Hmm, when did I become Perez Hilton? I’m going to go stand in the rain for a little while.

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