So the news was dominated this weekend by stories of bullied bus monitors and child molesters rightfully receiving max prison sentences, but that’s old news so who cares anymore?
Today I am going to discuss something that is long overdue. Instagram.
I delayed discussing this topic because I was desperately hoping that Instagram would be one of those trends that is popular for like a month and then disappears into oblivion. But unfortunately it has not.
And now I will unleash my wrath.
I am not entirely sure when Instagram become so popular. But I want to say it was sometime earlier this year, possibly even late last year. It seemed like it was one of those things that appeared overnight — one day nobody was using it, and the next day everybody was using it.
For maybe the one person who doesn’t know what Instagram is; it is a simple photo editing application that was first available for iPhones and then became available for Droids. Upon taking a photo using your camera phone, you can upload it to Instagram, and then edit it by changing the color scheme, the shadows and other stupid things. And then you can either post it to the Instagram site, or you can post it on Facebook using the Instagram link.
Ok, so let me think about what bothers me the most with Instagram.
Well, for starters, using Instagram does not make you artistic. I posted almost this same exact thing with the addition of the Facebook cover photos, and I’ll repeat it here. Uploading a picture to an application and then clicking one button to change the colors does not give you one shred of artistic talent.
I swear, people post these stupid photos of things like shirts hanging on a clothing line, and then change the tint and suddenly they think they are Pablo freaking Picasso.
By far the worst is when people actually take photos while they are driving. This amuses me for several reasons. Firstly, you are actually risking your life to take a photo. Think about that.
When I see this, I don’t look at the landscape, I look at the road right in front of them. I’m curious to see if they are legitimately on the verge of crashing. It’s illegal to drink and drive, it’s illegal to talk on a cell phone and drive, and not only should it be illegal to use Instagram and drive — it should warrant a one-way ticket to the electric chair.
Another thing that bothers me about Instagram is that it is not even original. Photo editing has existed for a really, really long time. People were editing photos in goddamn dark rooms when you were still just glint in the eye of your father before he had sex with your mother. Those people are artistic. You are not.
And even way after that, before smart phones, photo editing existed on computers. Shit, I used to use Microsoft Paint to change the color schemes just for fun when I was 10-years-old. But yeah, as a 20+ year-old, you should feel proud for using it.
It could not annoy me more when somebody tries to talk about how much they enjoy Instagram. They say things like, “Oh my god! You can just, like, click on a button on this app, and suddenly you can make a photo look cool! This is such revolutionary technology! Whoever invented Instagram is a genius!”
Okay, I will give you the last bit. Whoever invented Instgram is indeed a genius, but not because they reinvented the wheel, but because they created a simplified application that caters to dumbasses like you who can’t actually figure shit out for themselves.
The last thing about Instagram that pisses me off is that people who do use it — use it all the time. Like for every single picture.
Let me just shed some insight here. Not every single freaking picture is improved by modification. There is such a thing as capturing a moment in time and appreciating it for its natural appeal and its authenticity. There is absolutely zero need to modify a perfectly good photo and make it look like it’s printed on a 400-year-old piece of parchment. That is the exact opposite of art.
I can just picture the mindset of these idiots. They take a pleasant-looking photo, and then without thinking, change the color to make it look more older and faded and then just upload it straight to Facebook. I bet these people don’t even realize that Instagram allots you plenty of other photo editing options other than sepia tone and bronze tint.
If I downloaded the app, I could probably edit a photo on my first try much better than the average person who uses it regularly. But I refuse to ever download Instagram because not only is it against my principles, but I think there is something aesthetically beautiful about taking the perfect photo at the perfect moment and leaving it as is.
That is how you truly improve your artistic skills. Try to acquire a better sense of placement, angling, light, distance and timing, and don’t cheat yourself by using a photo-editing application. That is how you truly better yourself as an artist, and avoid becoming a “hack.”
Do you think photos like these needed Instagram to be considered “good?”
Would Muhammad Ali’s imposing glare look better with a bronze hue? Should the sky beyond the soldiers have a brightish tint? And would the tanks look prettier in a sepia tone?
Yeah, didn’t think so.