Be careful what you tweet

With the Olympics just around the corner, sports news is beginning to transfer a little bit from baseball, basketball and football to more individualized sports like track and field, swimming and diving. It’s nice little change-up every now and then to watch a different athletic competition then what we are accustomed to. It’s also a nice change to watch athletes perform for their countries, and not for a paycheck.

Also, we start hearing all these different stories about these Olympians, both good and bad. One of the scary things you come to realize are how young most Olympians are these days. Most of the athletes are amateurs, meaning that a lot of these athletes are still teenagers, or are in their early 20s.

You already know about Michelle Jenneke at this point, and god her bless her soul. Unfortunately she did not qualify for the Olympics, though, and this is very disappointing.

Today a story broke about another young Olympian, named Voula Papachristou, age 22, from Greece — who also will not be participating in this year’s Olympics.

However, it is not because she didn’t qualify, but it’s because she was banned by the Greek Olympic Committee after she wrote a racist tweet on her Twitter account.

She wrote the tweet earlier in the week. It was in Greek, but after being translated, it reads ““With so many Africans in Greece… At least the West Nile mosquitoes will eat homemade food!!!”


I mean, compared to what people typically put on Twitter, this is pretty harmless. People say worse things than this every second on Twitter. It’s unfortunate, but it’s true. However, most people tweet such nonsense are nobodies. They don’t represent anybody or anything but themselves.

Therefore, when you are actually representing an entire country, it would probably be sensible to use a little bit of discretion.

Anyway, the articles say that after she received tons of negative feedback, she tweeted “”That’s how I am. I laugh. I am not a CD to get stuck!!! And if I make mistakes, I don’t press the replay! I press Play and move on!!!”

In other words, that tweet can be translated to “YOLO!”

And then of course, less than 24 hours later, after the shit hit the fan, she offered an apology tweet, in English this time, saying, “”I would like to express my heartfelt apologies for the unfortunate and tasteless joke I published on my personal Twitter account. I am very sorry and ashamed for the negative responses I triggered, since I never wanted to offend anyone, or to encroach human rights.”

Obviously, based on her prior tweets, she’s not sorry. But she understands she screwed up. Honestly, if anything, I don’t consider her a racist. i just think she’s ignorant. She obviously was completely unaware of the consequences of her actions.

And it’s a shame, because she’s really, really hot.

But anyway, the reason I am bringing this to light — other than to showcase a hot Greek woman — is because I don’t blame Voula. I don’t blame her for not realizing the severity of her actions. This situation is just another example of how politically correct the world has come.

I’m not condoning her joke — it was obviously offensive. But when we originally made Facebook and Twitter accounts, we never thought it would get to the point where we could lose our jobs over it. It’s crazy.

When Facebook first began, people would just post about how drunk they are getting at college. They would use expletives on their own walls. Now, people don’t even post anymore out of fear of it falling into the wrong hands.

And when people do post, we’re all best friends all of a sudden.

“Oh my god, I lost 27 pounds!” 19 people like this.

“I have a job interview today — wish me luck!!!” 44 people like this.

“I just made a pot roast!” 196 people like this.

Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned “go fuck yourself” response. I really miss those.

Anyway, so that’s what Facebook has become. And it has been that way for a while. And that is exactly why I created a Twitter account. I did it to post all my stupid non-politically correct jokes and observations. And now it’s getting to the point where I can’t even do that anymore.

Fortunately, I am not famous. So I don’t really have to worry about it now. But if I ever do become known for whatever reason — good or bad — man, I am going to have to go back and delete a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff.

It used to be, “be careful what you say to the media.” Because that was the only time you were on record.

Then it was “Be careful what you post on Facebook,” because everything is public. And now with all of these ‘fan pages,’ you can’t really adjust your privacy settings if you are famous. #Firstworldproblems.

And now, it’s “Be careful what you tweet.” Who would have ever thought that somebody would be banned from the Olympic games because of a tweet.

But you know what they say. Life is a bittertweet symphony.

I’m not even going to apologize for that joke. It was pretty good.

Anyway, what is going to be the last step, “be careful what you think?” Seriously, nothing seems far-fetched anymore in this day and age.

Oh well. So I’m afraid to tell my readers that I am about to embark on possibly my longest hiatus yet. I am heading up to Newport, Rhode Island for the prestigious Newport Folk Festival this weekend, and I am going to be out of action for the next six days. So you guys will have to just bear down and grind it out until I return. But don’t worry, one week from today, I will be back.

Although, I could be back sooner if I were to get banned from Rhode Island for inappropriate blogging. You never know…

The day you realize that you’re not actually destined for great things

Let’s face it. We all had grand allusions that one day we would grow up and change the world.

Not that we would become revolutionaries or anything, but we all hoped to one day accomplish something that would be memorable. And when you’re young and naive, you truly believed that you could do it. Heck, maybe you still believe. I still do. Kind of.

And it makes sense why we always believed it. Our parents always told us that we can do anything we set our minds to.

Our teachers said the same thing.

Remember your high school graduation speech? Or your undergraduate commencement speech? Yeah I don’t either. But I’m sure the phrase “the world is your oyster” came up during at least one of them.

But then we finished college, and we waited. We waited for that person who was always there to tell us that we would amount to great things. We almost expected them to be waiting our front door, fresh with job opportunities for us.

But they weren’t there. Neither were the job opportunities. It turns out that most people didn’t know we existed. Therefore we had to seek out our own job opportunities and somehow convince people that they should hire us.

After months, and possibly even years, of searching, we finally found something. But it’s not what we dreamed up. But, hey, we tell ourselves that “it’s just a job.” We have our entire lives to figure everything else out.

Two years later, it’s still a job. Three years later, it’s still a job. Five years later, it’s still a job.

And then one day, you wake up, and you think, “you know, it’s not that I still don’t have time to be successful in life… but if I really am going to change the world and make an impact, shouldn’t I be doing better by now?”

It’s that realization that hits you like a steel pipe. You’re probably not going to be the next Bill Gates. You’re not going to be the next Salman Rushdie. You probably won’t be the next anything. It’s these moments when you looked back at your parents, your old teachers, that guy who gave your commence speech whose name has alluded you, and thought, why didn’t you tell me the truth? Why did you make me think I was special?

The worst part about it is when you make one more realization — It’s not the economy that’s stopping you. It’s not the 1 percent. It’s not money.

It’s you.

Of the people who have changed the world, do you know what they had that separates them from everybody else? No, not money, not influence, not power. They had motivation. They had desire. They decided that it was their calling to do great things, so they did. The rest of us, we tell ourselves at some point, “Yeah, I’m not good enough to be rich and famous. It is what it is.” I’m telling myself that right now.

Of course, “great things” mean different things to different people. To some, being great doesn’t mean riches and glory. It means surviving and doing what you have to do to get by, raise a family and provide for your kids. And that’s admirable. I applaud you. But even those people dreamed of bigger things when they were kids. They can’t deny it.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong when you realize that you won’t ever be destined for great things. It surely doesn’t mean you can’t accomplish things, and in fact, it really just means that you’re being realistic. Most people don’t achieve great things. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you lived a bad life.

And when you do finally scrap those grand allusions of fame and stardom, you can begin to look at life and plan your next step through a more pragmatic lens.

Ironically, the world is mostly made up of average Joes. The Bill Gates’, Mark Zuckerbergs and Steve Jobs’ of the world are a dime a dozen. The majority of us — the average Joes — are the ones who have the power to change the world, since there’s so many of us. But since we’re so lazy and unmotivated (that’s how we became average Joes to begin with), we won’t.

So to all of those out there who finally resigned themselves to limited success and five-figure incomes, let’s raise our glass and unite.

We may not be destined for great things, but that doesn’t mean we can’t one day be great at something.

How easy is it to NOT be in a sex tape?

Before I begin, let me preface by saying that, no, I have not seen the Dark Knight Rising. Although I do want to see it solely so that I can come home and subsequently post on Facebook: “Just saw the Dark Knight Rising. It was… eh.” I want to do it just so I can see the outburst that would ensue from all the die-hard nerds who are coining it “the best movie ever.”

I also find it humorous that there’s actually enough of a plot that the movie can be spoiled. I keep hearing about how people are becoming disappointing because their friends “spoiled” the ending for them. Really? It ends in a way other than Batman catching the bad guy?

In all seriousness though, I do wish to see it before the end of the week. I just need to find time in my day to devote three hours towards so that I can actually do it.

And before I move on to today’s topic, I just want to say that I have no desire to discuss the Aurora shooting. Just the mere thought of the innocent people who died simply because they wanted to go see a movie — it’s sickening. It’s unfortunate that things like this could actually happen, and even more unfortunately, will continue to happen. But actually giving the incident any credence and prolong discussion is feeding right into the guy’s hands that committed this horrible deed. So I digress.

Alright so today, miraculously, I somehow heard rumors about two celebrity sex tapes that may or may not surface. The first one is of Minka Kelly, a girl who is known for the show, “Friday Night Lights,” but is probably more famous for dating Derek Jeter.

This one is supposedly pretty legitimate, but the article says that it may have also been filmed when she was 17 years old. (She is 32 now.) Yikes.

The second rumor I heard about a sex tape was in an email sent to me by a dear friend who thought I might be interested to know that Carly Rae Jepsen might have a sex tape.

This one is almost definitely b.s., as the only evidence is still shots of a girl who sort of resembles Carly Rae performing sexual acts. There is no other evidence whatsoever, and it appears to me that the girl is simply a doppelgänger, and that Perez Hilton creepily posted it on his blog to draw attention and stir shit up.

But all he has accomplished is scorning the good name of Carly Rae Jepsen. As a female celebrity, I imagine having any association with a sex tape whatsoever is as damning as an athlete being associated with steroids. Because whether it’s true or not, there will henceforth always be that little seedling of doubt in people’s minds that it may actually be true. Poor Carly Rae.

What today’s sex tape events made me realize, though, is how often a name comes up in association with sex tapes. They almost never come to fruition, but I feel like every now and then you hear a big time celebrity’s name pop up.

And then in the times when they do actually leak, like Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton, how can you possibly be sympathetic? It’s easy to look at them as “victims” — although, in their cases it essentially made them famous and “earned” them millions upon millions of dollars. But hey, at least they kept their dignity!

But seriously, just think of all the steps that need to occur for a sex tape to come to fruition.

First, you need to have sex.
If you’re hot, and rich, then this is obviously not a problem. But, I just thought it was pertinent to point out that the most surefire way to avoid being featured in a sex tape is to abstain. That’s precisely why I don’t have as much sex as I could. To avoid sex tapes… and no other reason.

The person you need to have sex with must be a sleazy, sleazy man.
I mean, even suggesting that you film the two of you having six is incredibly grimy. In a girl’s eyes, it’s probably worse than introducing the thought of having a threesome. A decent dude would not make any voyeuristic suggestions. And if it’s with a dude who films it without you knowing, well, then his sleaziness is unparalleled. Way to pick ’em!

You need to position cameras in very strategic positions.
While gathering a video camera, and placing it on your dresser to perfectly face the bed, you have plenty of opportunities to start thinking, “You know… this may not be such a good idea.” At the very least, it’s a several-minute process. If you still want to go through with it after that, then God bless your soul.

You have to not let the video end up in the wrong hands.
Even after you film yourself having sex, you can still use the cop-out excuse of “It was just meant to be for my own personal keepsake!” Well, okay then, how about you keep the video yourself then? if you allow your male counterpart to have a copy, then what the hell did you think was going to happen?

That’s not exactly a quick one or two-step process right there. Several things need to happen for a sex tape of yourself to go viral. So when it does miraculously happen, you probably should not expect any sympathy.

It’s the same thing as the female celebrities who have their cell phone hacked, only to have pictures of them in scandalous poses go viral on the Internet. I’m amazed at how many times this happens. Is this what girls really do? Pose in front of a mirror while exposing themselves? And then send it to another person? I mean, if this is how girls truly behave, then where the hell have I been? Why do all my text messages consist of my friends telling me about sports news?

For being so stupid, women like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton deserve every bit of negative backlash that they will recieve for the rest of their lives. Like this:

That is pretty hysterical. For those oblivious, Ray J is the guy that Kimmy performed her sex tape with. And on a related note, I had absolutely no idea until this weekend that Ray J is Brandy’s brother. That information will provide no benefit to my life in any way, shape or form, but I am glad I know it.

In conclusion, abstinence is the way to go. Because you never know what is going to end up on the Internet.

I just can’t bring myself to become excited about a superhero movie

I’m not sure if any of you are aware of this, but a new movie comes out tomorrow. It’s called the Dark Knight Rises.

It’s the third and final installment of the rebooted Batman trilogy spearheaded by director Christopher Nolan and actor Christian Bale, who plays the dark-winged vigilante.

I’ve already heard people talking en masse about how they already got tickets, or how they are planning to see it in IMax, or how they have every intention to see it over the weekend, and bunch of other things that I really couldn’t give two shits about.

Superhero movies can be fun. I enjoyed the first two Spiderman movies with Tobey Maguire. I liked the first Iron Man. Obviously Batman Begins was good too, as was Dark Knight — albeit a bit overrated.

But they’re all pretty much the same. A regular dude either gains some type of deformity through an extravagant circumstance that gives him abilities to do things other humans cannot, or some other regular dude undergoes tragedy at a young age, and gets trained by some Asian guy all the way up in the Swiss Alps, only to return to his hometown to seek vengeance.

Conveniently, some other dude gains some type of superhuman ability through an equally as extravagant circumstance, but his superhuman abilities mess with his head and skew his perception. He subsequently tries to take over the world.

The first regular dude — who is now irregular — must now stop him.

Of course there is a love interest, and the love interest is someone who the superhero knew before he gained his abilities and/or powers. Has anyone ever realized that? Comic book/super hero movies are actually a lot more romantic than people think. They emphasize the power of first love.

When Peter Parker gained his powers, or when Bruce Wayne became a master ninja, they could get any chick they want. And yet, they still want that first love. It’s quite beautiful.

But of course, they can’t be with them because they must protect them from danger. And that’s another nice romantic angle — the willingness to sacrifice for the ones they love.

And finally, plenty of action will be thrown in, some car chases and even a little bit of humor.


So when people say that they think The Dark Knight Rises is going to be the best movie ever, I kind of laugh inside. But outwardly I just smile and say, “It will be good, I’m sure.”

Christopher Nolan certainly has done a good job with the films. If you’ve ever seen any of his other works, like Inception, Memento, or The Prestige, then you know what he is capable of. When a movie is in such capable hands as his, then it can only be good.

As for me? I have no current plans to see it, but I’m sure it’s all everybody is going to be talking about for the next month, so I’ll really have no choice but to see it just so I know what the hell people are talking about. But I’m definitely not dropping $20 bucks to see it in IMax. No siree Bob.

Anyway, while Batman revolutionizes the fictional world that is Gotham City, let’s talk about things that are revolutionizing the actual world that we live in.

I remember hearing long ago about how Google was working on a project to create glasses that actually serve as a mini-computer. You access it by talking to it, and you see the screen on the corner of the lens.

Well now apparently there is a prototype. 

This new wearable technology will basically consist of a pair of clever glasses which contain a display, a camera, a microphone, and everything necessary to make some sci-fi fantasies come true. (But keep in mind that the Project Glass designs are simply ideas, not final products at this point though.)

So what will you do with a pair of these strange glasses?

Well, you might wake up, slip on your Google glasses and set some calendar alerts before looking up directions to your first meeting of the day. While walking to your destination, you may pause to snap a photo of a funny sign (which you instantly share with your friends via a social media service of your choice) or find a coffee shop. Later you could start a video-chat with a friend and show him or her your current view.

And you’d do all of this without ever reaching for a computer or smartphone. You’d simply speak or tap a button on the glasses and the appropriate actions commence.

If you told me about this five years ago, I’d have been in shock and awe with this invention. But with the way technology has evolved recently, I’m really not that amazed by this. I think it’s absolutely awesome, but it just seems like the next logical step.

You can click on the link for a video sample of how the glasses are meant to work, but it’s laughable to think that they will be that easy to function. Remember the iPhone fiasco? When it came out, Apple users fell into a 72-hour state of confusion, not even knowing how to unlock their phones. Well, I imagine it would take a hell of a lot longer to manage this device than an iPhone. Also, I can’t even begin to fathom how much it will cost. An iPad runs for $800 these days. So I can’t see these glasses costing much less than, say, $1,200.

I’ll pass and stick to my regular subscription glasses for now.

Before I head out for the weekend, I need to publicize the fact that I have officially become a fan of women’s hurdling.

No, it’s not because I respect the abilities of athletes who can dash full speed, leap over objects, maintain their speed, and repeat the process several times without even breaking a sweat. It’s because of a girl named Michelle Jenneke.

Just watch.

She is a 19-year-old Australian, and simply from this clip — awful background music notwithstanding — one can conclude that she is not only sexy as hell, but fun, free-spirited, super athletic and a good freaking dancer.

Plus she has a free reign to hurdle me anytime.


Enjoying the status quo

Each and every day we go through the motions. We do the same things so repetitively that we’ve almost become robotic in our daily rituals.

We know exactly what time — to the minute — we need to wake up depending on what time we need to be at work. We know exactly how long it will take to get up from bed, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast and travel.

Then we go to work and do our thing. Maybe we go to the gym after, or go to happy hour, or go to a movie with a friend, or grab dinner with a special somebody. Regardless, at the end of our day, we return back to our homes, our apartment, our sanctuary.

And that is the status quo. That is our lives. When everything’s said and done, we return home.

We may spend a lot of time at work, or doing fun things after, but what we return home to is where our lives really lie. I call this the status quo — it means it is how things are, whether you like it or not.

It was Lebron James, after the Miami Heat lost the NBA championship to the Dallas Mavericks in 2011, who said:

“All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today.”

Yes, he is a gigantic douchenozzle for saying this. He’s basically saying that he’s rich and famous, and you guys aren’t, so he’s better.

But he’s right. He’s 100% right.

The most important thing we strive for is enjoying the life that we’ve laid out for ourselves, whether it is by choice or circumstance. Even if you dislike your job, you can still find plenty of solace in coming home every day to people you want to see and a situation that you enjoy being in. That obviously differs for a lot of people. But the point is that you need to like it. If you’re unhappy with the status quo, then you’re unhappy, period.

When you wake up each and every morning, from your dreams of radical situations in faraway lands, do you smile? Because the first thought that pops into everybody’s head when they return to consciousness is — what is my life right now? If you’re waking up happy, then you’re golden. Congratulations. But if you’re waking up and feeling defeated, and thinking that you’d rather be back in your dreams — then that is a problem.

But how do you fix the status quo? It’s not something one can simply do overnight. I think the main thing is to try to decipher exactly what it is that is missing in your life. Once you can pinpoint that, then you can begin to come up with a plan on how to achieve it.

There are many ways to temporarily escape. You can go on a vacation, go on a drinking binge, or even do something simple like read a book or watch a movie. But when it’s over, or when you sober up or return home, you’re right back where you started.

Plenty of things in life can be altered, modified and tinkered to achieve happiness. But the only way to sustain that happiness is to make sure that you are comfortable and content with the things that you have and the people are closest with (or lack thereof.)

Because regardless of where you live, or what you own; if you’re not enjoying the status quo, then you can have everything and at the same time have nothing. And vise versa.

How’s your status quo?

Is it worth it to know how to cook?

A while ago, I expressed my displeasure with the people who post pictures of the food that they cooked on Facebook.

You can view the post for the full rant, but to give you the Spark Notes version, I concluded that people feel a sense of pride in the meals that they concoct, and they wish to share it with the world. It’s basically just a huge “HEY EVERYONE, LOOK WHAT I DID!” post.

This would be all well and good had they made a seven-course meal with a main platter consisting of a full rack of souvlaki. Then maybe you do deserve some credit.

But most of the time it is just a deformed-looking plate of spaghetti and meatballs. Is that really something you want to brag about? What are you going to brag about next? Eggs over? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

My general rule of thumb for life is to preach to people to act like they’ve been there before. It works for nearly all contexts — including cooking.

I’m not bashing your culinary skills, in fact, I applaud you for taking the time to cook food. Because in my mind, you could have saved forty-five minutes of your life by walking down the block to a nearby restaurant to pick up food, and it probably would have been equally as satisfying.

Now I personally know how to cook extremely basic things — eggs, grilled cheese, macaroni, smores, etc. I do enjoy making myself breakfast in the morning, because it takes really just one or two ingredients and five minutes to make. It’s totally worth it.

But cooking your own dinner? Now that is a different story.

To cook a more complex meal, even spaghetti and meatballs, you will tend to need several ingredients. It will also take considerably more time than making an egg and cheese sandwich. In my mind, it’s just not worth it.

I have no problem ordering out all of the time. If you know enough restaurants in your area, you can diversify your food intake, and still manage to eat healthy. People think that individuals who eat out all the time solely dine on restaurants like Wendy’s or Subway. That is simply not the case.

Also, another knack on people who prefer to eat out is that they spend more money. Well, I can debunk this myth very quickly. Do you have any idea how much it costs to gather a ton of ingredients? And it’s not like you can just save the ingredients to make it again — most of the time you can’t preserve some of the food and, therefore, most cooks tend to make more than is required. This leads to leftovers that either will never be eaten, or will taste half as good one or two days later.

So I think that an individual can easily go their entire life without learning how to cook complex meals.

Although I will admit that there are certainly benefits to cooking. For one, I have a strong inkling that it is a huge turn-on for girls when a guy knows how to cook. If you’re a guy, and you cook a homemade candlelight dinner for a girl, then you’ve probably gone up ten notches in her book. That is unquestionably a huge plus.

Additionally, I understand that there are plenty of people out there who genuinely enjoy the art of cooking. Just like how some people like playing sports, others love video games, there are people who find joy in the art of mixing ingredients, slicing vegetables, putting it all together and eating the food that they concocted. I respect that. However, I am not one of those people. Cooking really gives me no thrill.

Finally, you should never assume that your partner/spouse/girl you slept with last night will know how to cook. I’m seriously not trying to sound sexist here. I know guys always joke that “the girls should do the cooking,” but it’s obviously not true. Girls don’t have to know how to cook just because they are expected to.

They should learn to cook because they want to. However, I do assume that most girls do want to. Unlike us guys, with our beer bellies and our contentedness with eating cheeseburgers or ribs every night, I think girls have a more sophisticated liveliness and more cultivated sense of taste that leads them to seek out other foods. Cooking is one way to achieve that. In other words, girls are better than us.

That being said, I’ll still never assume or expect that I will one day have a wife who does all the cooking. Such assumptions would be unfair.

Therefore, I suppose my final conclusion is that it wouldn’t hurt to know how to cook. There are times when cooking does indeed represent the more appealing option. Whether it’s to impress a lady, to try something new, or to feed your family. Cooking is indeed a practical and resourceful trait.

But does that mean I’m going to learn? Probably not.

Unless… do you think I can impress a girl by making her a homemade ham and cheese sandwich on the third date?

Today I wore a Super Bowl ring.

Whenever I find myself inside a kids’ summer camp [for work-related purposes], it always makes me think back to 10-15 years ago.

Right now, it’s the dead-middle of July. The swarming, disgusting heat is at its peak. As a 25-year-old, I abhor this weather. I detest the humidity. I loathe the sweat. I find myself dehydrated, dizzy and light-headed if I don’t drink 19 bottles of water by 1 p.m. In other words — I’m getting old.

But flashing back to say, 13 years ago in the year 2000. I was 12-years-old and the dead-middle of July only meant one thing.

Summer camp.

I loved the heat. I didn’t even know what the word “heat index” meant. And personal hygiene? Who cared!

As a kid, nothing beat summer camp. Nothing. I recall the high levels of euphoria that would overcome me in the days and weeks leading up to camp. I remember waking up as early as possible so I can get a head-start on the first day of camp.

And finally getting to camp, and running around playing sports, meeting kids my age who shared similar interests, and befriending all of the counselors who I thought we so cool just because they were older than I was. There was really nothing like it. At camp only one thing matters — having fun. You didn’t think about anything else.

Flash forward 12 years later, and I wish there was anything in life that I could be half as excited for than how I was as a 12-year-old at summer camp. I know that sounds depressing, but it’s true. That’s not to say that I don’t appreciate life. Heck, I appreciate every second of it and I always keep my head up and don’t take anything for granted.

But, that being said, there was something magical about the blissful ignorance we held as children. I didn’t know any better and I wouldn’t have it any other way. And every kid should have that exact childhood.

So obviously those days are long over. However, I never miss an opportunity to frequent a summer camp for work and get to relive my glory days. Just seeing the exuberant faces on the kids as they run around and play makes me really happy. Because as a former camper myself — I know exactly how they feel.

In fact, I think it would be my dream job to one day own a summer camp. To be around that every day, and to actually be responsible for all that happiness; that would make me feel very special. But I digress.

Anyway, the reason I was at a summer camp today is because New York Giants punter Steve Weatherford was visiting the camp, and I was there covering it for my newspaper. It was a lot of fun, and Steve was an absolutely awesome dude. He just seems like he is a fun guy to hang around, and he has a very positive outlook and carries himself in a great way.

Since I was working, I tried my hardest to refrain from asking him for a picture. But I couldn’t help myself. After two hours of enduring the sweltering heat, taking notes, photos and talking to various people, I decided that I deserved a photo. I kindly approached Steve when he was not occupied, and he immediately obliged.

In fact, not only did he let me take a photo, he handed me his Super Bowl ring and told me to wear it.

All I have to say is that Super Bowl rings are freaking heavy. There is no way you can actually wear that thing on a regular basis.

Otherwise, I’m not really entirely sure what to make of the fact that I wore a Super Bowl ring. Obviously it’s a cool thing to have done, and now I can tell everyone that I once got to wear a Super Bowl ring in my lifetime — with photographic evidence.

But obviously it would be a lot cooler of a thing if I actually accomplished something to earn the ring. I know that sounds like ridiculously stupid thing to say, considering I never even played football in my life, let alone professional football. But I’m just saying, why is it so cool to flaunt somebody else’s award?

Honestly, if Facebook didn’t exist, I probably wouldn’t have even asked Steve if I could take a photo with him. I really only wanted to do it so that I could upload it and make everyone think that I actually live an interesting life. Also I wanted to make all of my Giants fans friends jealous.

Although, I suppose “Wearing a Super Bowl” ring is now something I can cross off my bucket list, I guess.

But it would still be way down on the list after “Owning my own summer camp.”

Which, in turn, would be well below “Meeting Taylor Swift.”

And that is much, much below, “Achieving sexual ecstasy with Taylor Swift through a moment of deep intuitive connection via intercourse under the moonlight while surrounded by scented candles.”

My bucket list is pretty long.

Why in the world do people brag about “booking their vacations?”

As we grow older, we learn to appreciate the true value of a vacation. I know that sounds obvious, but think about it.

When we were kids, we would go on vacations with our parents. We wouldn’t really think much of it. Our parents one day would tell us that we’re going on a family trip, and we’d say “Okay.” Obviously they would be the ones to plan, book and pay for it. We contributed very little, if not nothing, to that.

Of course the vacations would strategically be planned during your summers off from school so that you did not miss any time. So in essence we were essentially taking a vacation from… our vacation. Not that we didn’t enjoy it or anything. It’s not like our parents had to drag us to go away with them. But we were so young that we didn’t realize that going away on a big family vacation was such a privileged and fortunate thing. It was impossible for us to realize that.

Flash forward anywhere from 15-20 years later. We’re a hell of a lot older. We’ve been working at our full-time jobs, and we now appreciate the true value of a dollar. We know what we must endure on a daily basis to earn our money.

Because of that — vacations are a freaking luxury. Now we are the ones who can plan, book and pay for our vacations. That’s our job now.

And when we’re sitting on a beach, ranging from hundreds to thousands of miles away from home — and more importantly, away from work — sipping a margarita and enjoying the sun, then we embrace the shit out of it. We soak up every second of that.

It’s only natural to want to flaunt about the fact that you’re on vacation. If you’re in Mexico, or the Bahamas, or Las Vegas, wherever, you want people to know. You want people to be sitting at their desks at work, bored as hell, and see you post a picture of the beach. Or a picture of you holding a multi-colored drink with a straw and one of those umbrellas sticking out of it.

You just want the world to know you’re having a good time.

Or at the very least, you’ll take pictures during the vacation and then post them on Facebook when you get home.  But you will do one of those two.

I understand that. It still bothers me. Obviously. I don’t need to see you’re on a beach in Cancun while I’m in a shitty office building. But again — I understand it. I won’t condemn you for this behavior because I know it is human nature.

But one thing I absolutely will not tolerate is when people brag about the fact that they just booked their vacation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people post on Facebook, “Vegas… booked!” or “Chicago booked :-)”. And then they’ll tag their friend who they are planning to go on the trip with.


Booking a vacation has absolutely no meaning. Everyone in the world that we know is going to go on a vacation at some point in the future. You just may not know about it at this point in time because the thought of it has yet to manifest in your mind. But it will happen. That’s not the original part. The original part is actually being on the vacation. Actually sitting on a beach chair holding a Corona. Actually zip-lining through the forest.

But posting about how you’re going to be on a vacation? How is that supposed to actually make me feel any emotion whatsoever?

While we’re at it, why don’t we brag on Facebook about how one day it’s going to be our birthday, how one day we’re going to get married, and one day going to have kids! It’s going to happen, so might as well brag about it now!

This behavior is equally as bad as people who actually check in on Facebook from the airport while they are waiting to catch their flight to go on vacation. Honestly, I’d rather be stuck at my work office than be stuck in an airport surrounded by thousands of stressed out morons lugging around 40-pound bags of luggage. Plus you still have your entire travel ahead of you! That whole waiting to board your plane thing, then actually boarding your plane, then waiting on the plane, then the nauseating, turbulent flight, then waiting on the plane some more, and then finally getting off of it. SO JEALOUS.

At the very least, check in from the airport that you just arrived in. That way, at least you’re in another location. That might inspire some jealousy. But just some.

But hey, I guess I shouldn’t rain on people’s parades. Sometimes you need something in the future to be excited about just to make it through the day. But just try to keep from boasting about it publicly until you’re actually doing it. Is that so hard?

In other news, I’m going to Newport, Rhode Island in 16 days!

The trip is already booked 🙂

Welp, I guess I am never going jet skiing.

Something that I find particularly odd about myself is that I’ve never once tried any extreme sports. And by extreme sports, I mean skiing, snowboarding, water skiing, surfing, wake boarding, jet skiing, etc.

It’s odd because I like to consider myself an athletic person. I also love sports. I play sports whenever I get the opportunity.

When I was younger, I had the opportunity to go skiing both on water and snow many, many times. But I passed. I’m not entirely sure why, but I suppose it was because I am too scared. Now, at age 25, I definitely don’t fear these things, but I just don’t really have the opportunity to do it anymore. Also — it’s a guarantee that I will be falling down several times while trying these sports out. My body at this age can’t handle that as well as it could have ten years ago. I think I missed the boat.

But anyway,  jet skiing is usually something that is reserved for a tropical vacation. Not many people really go jet skiing just during their down time, unless you live very close to water I suppose. But as far as I’m concerned, jet skiing is a tropical island type activity.

The awesome — and scary — thing is that you don’t need much accreditation to go jet skiing. To operate a car, you need a license. To operate a motorcycle, you need a license. To operate a boat, you need a license.

To operate a jet ski, you tell some dude named Raul in a straw hat that you want to jet ski at some point and give him twenty-five bucks. Then you’re good.

It’s awesome because there’s no obstacles. If you want to do it, then you do it. You wait your turn, hop on the jet ski, and you’re free to roam. I’ve heard many people tell me how much fun it is to jet ski, and that they wish they could do it again.

Also, I used to play the game Wave Race 64 all the freaking time, and it always gave me a slight itch to hop on a jet ski and cruise down a river.

Greta game. And honestly, the graphics were way ahead of its time. I remember when it came out in 1996, all I could think of was how advanced the graphics were. The water genuinely looked real. I’m sure that wouldn’t be the case now, but considering that it was 16 years ago — it was pretty revolutionary. But I’m jumping off topic.

Now the reason why the easy access to jet skis is also scary is because not everybody who rides one should be riding one. There are plenty of people out there who are not as athletic or as coordinated as others. These people can be dangerous. They might not be as skilled as others at avoiding danger.

Of course, expert or beginner, veteran or novice, all it takes is one little screw-up for your serene jet ski adventure to take a turn for the worst. When you’re traveling 50+ miles per hour on the open water, possibly with other jet skiers or swimmers around you, and you make one little mistake — well, that is when you get horror stories. And in the past two weeks or so, horror stories have been all over the news.

First you have Alan Poindexter, 50, a celebrated NASA astronaut who died on Sunday, July 1 when he and his son collided while the two were jet skiing in Pensacola Beach, Florida.

Man, that’s got to be pretty much the worst thing ever. To be the son, and have an accident like that result in the death of your father. I can’t even imagine. Just terrible.

Then, just three days later on July 4, you had Duke freshmen football player Blair Holliday involved in a serious jet ski accident on Lake Tillery in North Carolina. He was immediately put into a coma and has been listed in critical condition. In this case, it was one of his teammates who crashed into him while the two were jet skiing.

However, I just read an article that said his health is improving. So that’s good. But still very scary.

AND THEN, as if it couldn’t get any worse, merely two days later, R&B singer Usher’s stepson, Kyle Glover, 11, was struck by a moving jet ski while he was innocently floating on an inner tube on Lake Lanier in Georgia. He was airlifted to the hospital and has since been declared brain-dead. His biological parents (not Usher) have yet to determine whether to take him off life support.

So now we can become severely injured by a jet ski when we’re not even on a jet ski!

Scared yet? I am.

I certainly didn’t list all of these tragedies to frighten you all into never jet skiing again, but I think it is important that we know the risks and hazards of it. These are obviously worst-case scenarios, and I know you can combat this blog by telling me all of the car accidents that occur on a regular basis. However, the ratio of cars to jet skis in the world is extravagant, and thus, jet ski accidents are much more significant in stature.

Also, it has a lot to do with the fact that — in the digital age — there are so many different news outlets that exist online now. Combined with the ability for news to spread very quickly through social networking, well, it doesn’t mean that these accidents never happened before this. It just means that we can easily hear about them now. But still.

If I get anything out of this, it’s that if you’re involved in a jet ski accident, then it probably means you’re going to be very, very hurt. It’s not like falling off a bike, where you skid your knees and your arms, cry a little, and then your mom buys you ice cream. With jet skis accidents, the only ice cream you’ll be enjoying is when it’s fed to you through a tube. And that’s if you’re lucky.

So I warn you, wise readers, think twice the next time you go jet skiing. I never want to see any of my fans get hurt.

It would totally ruin my hit count.

Watching Jeopardy is an eye-opening experience

When you are a toddler, watching Jeopardy is as appealing as watching an infomercial. The only thing you were interested in watching was cartoons, sports and Disney movies.

Jeopardy was dull. Who wants to watch a 30-minute long question and answer show? Plus we were young and we didn’t know anything. There was absolutely no point to even think about Jeopardy when we were kids. Also, you wondered why the hell they answered every answer in the form of a question. I still don’t know why they do that actually.

And if you did watch it when you were 9-years-old, then by god, you are a better man than me.

But then we got older. And during the occasional time that Jeopardy was on TV — because maybe our parents or our friend’s parents were watching it — then we would realize that we actually know some of the answers to the questions. Not many though; perhaps we would just know the $200 questions in the beginning. But it was a good feeling when you did  know one. It made us realize that we actually know things.

Finally, now that I am in my mid-20s, I enjoy Jeopardy. I don’t DVR it, or make a point to watch it every night as it airs. But if I were flipping through the channels looking for something to watch, and I stumbled upon Jeopardy, I wouldn’t change it.

You realize the simple brilliance of Jeopardy as you age. Like Wheel of Fortune, there’s not a ton of gimmicks and no waste-of-time bullshit. They spend maybe one minute getting to know the contestants and then it’s straight to business.

However, when you think of Jeopardy, the immediate word that comes to your mind is “smart.” And while there’s no question you need to be smart to succeed at Jeopardy, it should not be the end-all be-all to determine intelligence.

Firstly, Jeopardy is not necessarily about knowing things — it’s about knowing things quickly. There are certain people who are capable of breaking down a question, mulling it over, and figuring out a possible answer through logic, reason and process of elimination. Well that won’t suit you in Jeopardy. On this show, you need to know the answer within seconds. It’s about instant recollection, which is a skill in itself.

Also, the material on Jeopardy is completely random. You can be brilliant in the field of physics, but know nothing about opera. If an opera category comes up — you’re screwed. But that doesn’t make you unintelligent, does it? It’s a very esoteric game.

Another thing you have to be able to understand is wordplay and puns. The categories on Jeopardy give you enormous hints to the answers. So you have to always be thinking in terms of that. Therefore, it’s not always about relying on your ability to retain information, but your ability to figure out things based on clues and cute plays on words.

And finally, you need to be up to snuff on pop culture to succeed in Jeopardy. There will often be questions about popular books, movies and celebrities. A 52-year-old algebra teacher from Birmingham, Alabama probably will not know much about Justin Bieber or Fifty Shades of Grey.

So when you calculate all of that, it makes you wonder how much you should use Jeopardy as an actual tool to decipher your own personal intelligence. None of us actually take IQ tests for fun, so Jeopardy is the best we have.

Watching Jeopardy with a large group of friends, meanwhile — now that’s a whole different ballgame. For one thing, there are two types of Jeopardy viewers — the ones who prefer to stay mute, and the ones who guess the first answer off the top of their heads without thinking.

The people who stay mute do so most likely because they become embarrassed when they get answers wrong. It doesn’t mean they don’t know the answers — in fact, they probably know a lot. But they just don’t like looking foolish and answering a question incorrectly. Also, the fear of getting an answer ridiculously wrong is probably something that they are very wary of. Therefore, even when they do know the answer, they don’t say anything. By doing so, they neither come across as smart or dumb — but they don’t give themselves the opportunity to impress people with their intelligence.

Conversely, there’s those who guess at four out of every five questions. Most of the time, they’ll be wrong. The more wrong you are, the less people begin to take you seriously. And of course, there are the assholes — like me — who guess “stupid answers” just for fun. By doing so, you make it seem like you aren’t taking the game seriously, and therefore, when you do actually try and end up guessing wrong, people don’t care as much. It’s a way of saving face and masking your stupidity.

However, if you’re one of those who guesses a lot and actually gets it right most of the time, then damn, you could really impress some people. Whenever this happens it usually makes me think of this person in a whole new light.

It’s also awkward when you’re in a room with someone who often guesses right. At first, you congratulate them. You might say, “Nice job!” or “Way to go!” But then they keep getting it, and you stop congratulating them, and in your head you think, “Alright, save some for other people, asshole.” And it could also make you realize that your friends are a lot smarter than you. Which is something you never want.

Of course, the funniest Jeopardy viewers are the ones who say, “I was going to guess that!” whenever the answer is revealed, or the people who — before the answer is divulged — will put their hand to their head and say, “…Oh I know this!” That’s a cop-out for people who just aren’t smart enough to cut it in Jeopardy. But hey, I’m guilty of it.

So there is a lot that goes into a large-group Jeopardy viewing. By guessing often, you are jeopardizing (pun completely intended) the perception that people may have on you.

In my eyes — who gives a shit? Why not guess aloud? If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Occasionally, if you guess a lot, you’re going to get one or two answers a game correctly that completely surprises the heck out of people. And in my mind, those moments are worth it.

And what about Alex Trebek? God damn, whenever I watch jeopardy, the thing that never ceases to amaze me is how much that man loves his job. He always points out the little oddities and uniqueness that occur in each game. And why not? The man has seen it all. It’s also humorous when he actually becomes annoyed when neither of the three contestants know an easy answer.

The man just has the physical appearance of a stereotypical “smart guy.” The neat-trimmed haircut, the glasses, the suit and tie, the calm demeanor and impeccable posture. But after hosting that game for so long, and posing question after question — I can’t imagine that no man in this country knows more useless trivia than Alex Trebek. God bless him.

Also, you deserve a medal if you are able to read a Jeopardy question in your head before Trebek finishes reading it. I try to, but I always fail. Damn you Trebek. Damn you and your flawless eloquence.

Alright, I am going to go watch Wheel of Fortune now. Later.