Cuz baby you’re a firework

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you all of the images that my Facebook friends posted last night of fireworks onto my Newsfeed:

I stated last night how fireworks are a spectacle to behold, and I stand by that. I was at a party yesterday, and we set off fireworks once it got dark, and at the same time people in neighboring houses were setting off their own fireworks. Witnessing all of the fireworks around me was a breathtaking experience — literally breathtaking, the noise actually frightened me.

Seriously, you forget just how loud fireworks can be. I swear that I now completely understand what it must have been like to be in Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, with all the booms and explosions happening every five seconds. Minus the actual gunfire and imminent threat of death, of course.

But seeing fireworks on the 4th of July is as common as walking into McDonalds and seeing a fat person. Are posting pictures of the fireworks really necessary?

First of all, a still image of a firework bears absolutely no justice to what the firework looked like in person. The luster of a firework lies in the noise, the anticipation, the apex of its explosion and the dispersal of the colors across the night sky. Posting a picture of a firework and saying “best fireworks ever!” is equal to posting a still image of a moving car and captioning it “look how fast the car is going!” The image tells us absolutely nothing. Nothing.

If you want to post a video of your fireworks, at least that makes some sense. I’m sure your fireworks were still no different from everyone else’s, and thus watching your video would be a giant waste of time, but at least it serves a logical purpose.

And to be fair, I understand the people who post their pictures of fireworks while capturing a sense of place in their photos. The one with the fireworks at Citi Field is a great shot, as is photo number six, with the buildings and people surrounding the fireworks. But just posting an image of the dark night sky with a couple pink and red streaks across it? Come on. You could post a photo of a ball of yarn lying on black construction paper and it would have the exact same effect.

And actually Instagramming a firework photo? Are you… kidding me? Did you watch your fireworks display with the thought of, “Man, this is awesome. But you know what this needs? Instagram.” FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP IT.

But I digress. Though before I move on from fireworks completely, I have to bring up the fireworks bust in San Diego.

Folks in San Diego witnessed what was either the worst Fourth of July fireworks celebration — or the absolute best — when a technical malfunction caused all of their pyrotechnics to go off at the same time.  The annual Big Bay Boom celebration began and ended in spectacular fashion when an inadvertent signal set off the explosion about five minutes early and caused the entire 18 minute show to take place in about 15 seconds. Confused spectators waited around for what they thought was going to be the rest of the show, but were sent home and told the show (that was supposed to be choreographed to music) was canceled.

Honestly, that’s pretty funny. And is it really such a bad thing? I understand that people may be upset since they were expecting a lengthy show, but the sight of all of those fireworks going off must have been awesome. Actually, see it for yourself at this link. 

Or for the laziest of the lazy, just check out this photo:

Pretty damn cool. And it legitimately looks like an atom bomb just went off.

Alright, I’ve blogged more about fireworks recently than I need to do for the rest of the year. So let’s move on.

How about this story, where a Florida lifeguard was fired after he left his “lifeguard zone” while attempting to save a man? He was fired because he “broke the rules.” After the news went public, the company decided to offer the dude his job back, and like a champ, he respectfully declined. In fact, many other lifeguards at the beach quit in protest. Good for them. You know our society has hit an all-time low when we punish people for attempting to save lives. This kind of story makes me shake my head.

And now, I am going to present you with the most adorable thing you will ever see. Remember when I posted that picture of the bobcat and the deer cuddling? Well the link I am about to post makes that photo look like a headshot of that dude from Florida who got his face eaten off.

I present to you… PUPPY CAM! 

Just click on the link and thank me. Thank me until your voice goes hoarse and words can no longer do justice.

Alright, I’m off to the Catskills for a weekend of drunken debauchery and possibly some mountain biking. I’ll catch y’all on Monday. Oh, and I just have to end the blog like this. I could not resist…

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