Why in the world do people brag about “booking their vacations?”

As we grow older, we learn to appreciate the true value of a vacation. I know that sounds obvious, but think about it.

When we were kids, we would go on vacations with our parents. We wouldn’t really think much of it. Our parents one day would tell us that we’re going on a family trip, and we’d say “Okay.” Obviously they would be the ones to plan, book and pay for it. We contributed very little, if not nothing, to that.

Of course the vacations would strategically be planned during your summers off from school so that you did not miss any time. So in essence we were essentially taking a vacation from… our vacation. Not that we didn’t enjoy it or anything. It’s not like our parents had to drag us to go away with them. But we were so young that we didn’t realize that going away on a big family vacation was such a privileged and fortunate thing. It was impossible for us to realize that.

Flash forward anywhere from 15-20 years later. We’re a hell of a lot older. We’ve been working at our full-time jobs, and we now appreciate the true value of a dollar. We know what we must endure on a daily basis to earn our money.

Because of that — vacations are a freaking luxury. Now we are the ones who can plan, book and pay for our vacations. That’s our job now.

And when we’re sitting on a beach, ranging from hundreds to thousands of miles away from home — and more importantly, away from work — sipping a margarita and enjoying the sun, then we embrace the shit out of it. We soak up every second of that.

It’s only natural to want to flaunt about the fact that you’re on vacation. If you’re in Mexico, or the Bahamas, or Las Vegas, wherever, you want people to know. You want people to be sitting at their desks at work, bored as hell, and see you post a picture of the beach. Or a picture of you holding a multi-colored drink with a straw and one of those umbrellas sticking out of it.

You just want the world to know you’re having a good time.

Or at the very least, you’ll take pictures during the vacation and then post them on Facebook when you get home.  But you will do one of those two.

I understand that. It still bothers me. Obviously. I don’t need to see you’re on a beach in Cancun while I’m in a shitty office building. But again — I understand it. I won’t condemn you for this behavior because I know it is human nature.

But one thing I absolutely will not tolerate is when people brag about the fact that they just booked their vacation. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people post on Facebook, “Vegas… booked!” or “Chicago booked :-)”. And then they’ll tag their friend who they are planning to go on the trip with.

How am I supposed to respond to that? “CONGRATS MAN! I’M SO JEALOUS THAT YOU’RE… STILL HOME RIGHT NOW… IN YOUR ROOM OR POSSIBLY AT WORK… AND THAT YOU’RE GOING TO GO ON VACATION IN FIVE MONTHS FROM NOW!!! DID I MENTION HOW JEALOUS I AM?!”

Booking a vacation has absolutely no meaning. Everyone in the world that we know is going to go on a vacation at some point in the future. You just may not know about it at this point in time because the thought of it has yet to manifest in your mind. But it will happen. That’s not the original part. The original part is actually being on the vacation. Actually sitting on a beach chair holding a Corona. Actually zip-lining through the forest.

But posting about how you’re going to be on a vacation? How is that supposed to actually make me feel any emotion whatsoever?

While we’re at it, why don’t we brag on Facebook about how one day it’s going to be our birthday, how one day we’re going to get married, and one day going to have kids! It’s going to happen, so might as well brag about it now!

This behavior is equally as bad as people who actually check in on Facebook from the airport while they are waiting to catch their flight to go on vacation. Honestly, I’d rather be stuck at my work office than be stuck in an airport surrounded by thousands of stressed out morons lugging around 40-pound bags of luggage. Plus you still have your entire travel ahead of you! That whole waiting to board your plane thing, then actually boarding your plane, then waiting on the plane, then the nauseating, turbulent flight, then waiting on the plane some more, and then finally getting off of it. SO JEALOUS.

At the very least, check in from the airport that you just arrived in. That way, at least you’re in another location. That might inspire some jealousy. But just some.

But hey, I guess I shouldn’t rain on people’s parades. Sometimes you need something in the future to be excited about just to make it through the day. But just try to keep from boasting about it publicly until you’re actually doing it. Is that so hard?

In other news, I’m going to Newport, Rhode Island in 16 days!

The trip is already booked 🙂

Welp, I guess I am never going jet skiing.

Something that I find particularly odd about myself is that I’ve never once tried any extreme sports. And by extreme sports, I mean skiing, snowboarding, water skiing, surfing, wake boarding, jet skiing, etc.

It’s odd because I like to consider myself an athletic person. I also love sports. I play sports whenever I get the opportunity.

When I was younger, I had the opportunity to go skiing both on water and snow many, many times. But I passed. I’m not entirely sure why, but I suppose it was because I am too scared. Now, at age 25, I definitely don’t fear these things, but I just don’t really have the opportunity to do it anymore. Also — it’s a guarantee that I will be falling down several times while trying these sports out. My body at this age can’t handle that as well as it could have ten years ago. I think I missed the boat.

But anyway,  jet skiing is usually something that is reserved for a tropical vacation. Not many people really go jet skiing just during their down time, unless you live very close to water I suppose. But as far as I’m concerned, jet skiing is a tropical island type activity.

The awesome — and scary — thing is that you don’t need much accreditation to go jet skiing. To operate a car, you need a license. To operate a motorcycle, you need a license. To operate a boat, you need a license.

To operate a jet ski, you tell some dude named Raul in a straw hat that you want to jet ski at some point and give him twenty-five bucks. Then you’re good.

It’s awesome because there’s no obstacles. If you want to do it, then you do it. You wait your turn, hop on the jet ski, and you’re free to roam. I’ve heard many people tell me how much fun it is to jet ski, and that they wish they could do it again.

Also, I used to play the game Wave Race 64 all the freaking time, and it always gave me a slight itch to hop on a jet ski and cruise down a river.

Greta game. And honestly, the graphics were way ahead of its time. I remember when it came out in 1996, all I could think of was how advanced the graphics were. The water genuinely looked real. I’m sure that wouldn’t be the case now, but considering that it was 16 years ago — it was pretty revolutionary. But I’m jumping off topic.

Now the reason why the easy access to jet skis is also scary is because not everybody who rides one should be riding one. There are plenty of people out there who are not as athletic or as coordinated as others. These people can be dangerous. They might not be as skilled as others at avoiding danger.

Of course, expert or beginner, veteran or novice, all it takes is one little screw-up for your serene jet ski adventure to take a turn for the worst. When you’re traveling 50+ miles per hour on the open water, possibly with other jet skiers or swimmers around you, and you make one little mistake — well, that is when you get horror stories. And in the past two weeks or so, horror stories have been all over the news.

First you have Alan Poindexter, 50, a celebrated NASA astronaut who died on Sunday, July 1 when he and his son collided while the two were jet skiing in Pensacola Beach, Florida.

Man, that’s got to be pretty much the worst thing ever. To be the son, and have an accident like that result in the death of your father. I can’t even imagine. Just terrible.

Then, just three days later on July 4, you had Duke freshmen football player Blair Holliday involved in a serious jet ski accident on Lake Tillery in North Carolina. He was immediately put into a coma and has been listed in critical condition. In this case, it was one of his teammates who crashed into him while the two were jet skiing.

However, I just read an article that said his health is improving. So that’s good. But still very scary.

AND THEN, as if it couldn’t get any worse, merely two days later, R&B singer Usher’s stepson, Kyle Glover, 11, was struck by a moving jet ski while he was innocently floating on an inner tube on Lake Lanier in Georgia. He was airlifted to the hospital and has since been declared brain-dead. His biological parents (not Usher) have yet to determine whether to take him off life support.

So now we can become severely injured by a jet ski when we’re not even on a jet ski!

Scared yet? I am.

I certainly didn’t list all of these tragedies to frighten you all into never jet skiing again, but I think it is important that we know the risks and hazards of it. These are obviously worst-case scenarios, and I know you can combat this blog by telling me all of the car accidents that occur on a regular basis. However, the ratio of cars to jet skis in the world is extravagant, and thus, jet ski accidents are much more significant in stature.

Also, it has a lot to do with the fact that — in the digital age — there are so many different news outlets that exist online now. Combined with the ability for news to spread very quickly through social networking, well, it doesn’t mean that these accidents never happened before this. It just means that we can easily hear about them now. But still.

If I get anything out of this, it’s that if you’re involved in a jet ski accident, then it probably means you’re going to be very, very hurt. It’s not like falling off a bike, where you skid your knees and your arms, cry a little, and then your mom buys you ice cream. With jet skis accidents, the only ice cream you’ll be enjoying is when it’s fed to you through a tube. And that’s if you’re lucky.

So I warn you, wise readers, think twice the next time you go jet skiing. I never want to see any of my fans get hurt.

It would totally ruin my hit count.

Watching Jeopardy is an eye-opening experience

When you are a toddler, watching Jeopardy is as appealing as watching an infomercial. The only thing you were interested in watching was cartoons, sports and Disney movies.

Jeopardy was dull. Who wants to watch a 30-minute long question and answer show? Plus we were young and we didn’t know anything. There was absolutely no point to even think about Jeopardy when we were kids. Also, you wondered why the hell they answered every answer in the form of a question. I still don’t know why they do that actually.

And if you did watch it when you were 9-years-old, then by god, you are a better man than me.

But then we got older. And during the occasional time that Jeopardy was on TV — because maybe our parents or our friend’s parents were watching it — then we would realize that we actually know some of the answers to the questions. Not many though; perhaps we would just know the $200 questions in the beginning. But it was a good feeling when you did  know one. It made us realize that we actually know things.

Finally, now that I am in my mid-20s, I enjoy Jeopardy. I don’t DVR it, or make a point to watch it every night as it airs. But if I were flipping through the channels looking for something to watch, and I stumbled upon Jeopardy, I wouldn’t change it.

You realize the simple brilliance of Jeopardy as you age. Like Wheel of Fortune, there’s not a ton of gimmicks and no waste-of-time bullshit. They spend maybe one minute getting to know the contestants and then it’s straight to business.

However, when you think of Jeopardy, the immediate word that comes to your mind is “smart.” And while there’s no question you need to be smart to succeed at Jeopardy, it should not be the end-all be-all to determine intelligence.

Firstly, Jeopardy is not necessarily about knowing things — it’s about knowing things quickly. There are certain people who are capable of breaking down a question, mulling it over, and figuring out a possible answer through logic, reason and process of elimination. Well that won’t suit you in Jeopardy. On this show, you need to know the answer within seconds. It’s about instant recollection, which is a skill in itself.

Also, the material on Jeopardy is completely random. You can be brilliant in the field of physics, but know nothing about opera. If an opera category comes up — you’re screwed. But that doesn’t make you unintelligent, does it? It’s a very esoteric game.

Another thing you have to be able to understand is wordplay and puns. The categories on Jeopardy give you enormous hints to the answers. So you have to always be thinking in terms of that. Therefore, it’s not always about relying on your ability to retain information, but your ability to figure out things based on clues and cute plays on words.

And finally, you need to be up to snuff on pop culture to succeed in Jeopardy. There will often be questions about popular books, movies and celebrities. A 52-year-old algebra teacher from Birmingham, Alabama probably will not know much about Justin Bieber or Fifty Shades of Grey.

So when you calculate all of that, it makes you wonder how much you should use Jeopardy as an actual tool to decipher your own personal intelligence. None of us actually take IQ tests for fun, so Jeopardy is the best we have.

Watching Jeopardy with a large group of friends, meanwhile — now that’s a whole different ballgame. For one thing, there are two types of Jeopardy viewers — the ones who prefer to stay mute, and the ones who guess the first answer off the top of their heads without thinking.

The people who stay mute do so most likely because they become embarrassed when they get answers wrong. It doesn’t mean they don’t know the answers — in fact, they probably know a lot. But they just don’t like looking foolish and answering a question incorrectly. Also, the fear of getting an answer ridiculously wrong is probably something that they are very wary of. Therefore, even when they do know the answer, they don’t say anything. By doing so, they neither come across as smart or dumb — but they don’t give themselves the opportunity to impress people with their intelligence.

Conversely, there’s those who guess at four out of every five questions. Most of the time, they’ll be wrong. The more wrong you are, the less people begin to take you seriously. And of course, there are the assholes — like me — who guess “stupid answers” just for fun. By doing so, you make it seem like you aren’t taking the game seriously, and therefore, when you do actually try and end up guessing wrong, people don’t care as much. It’s a way of saving face and masking your stupidity.

However, if you’re one of those who guesses a lot and actually gets it right most of the time, then damn, you could really impress some people. Whenever this happens it usually makes me think of this person in a whole new light.

It’s also awkward when you’re in a room with someone who often guesses right. At first, you congratulate them. You might say, “Nice job!” or “Way to go!” But then they keep getting it, and you stop congratulating them, and in your head you think, “Alright, save some for other people, asshole.” And it could also make you realize that your friends are a lot smarter than you. Which is something you never want.

Of course, the funniest Jeopardy viewers are the ones who say, “I was going to guess that!” whenever the answer is revealed, or the people who — before the answer is divulged — will put their hand to their head and say, “…Oh I know this!” That’s a cop-out for people who just aren’t smart enough to cut it in Jeopardy. But hey, I’m guilty of it.

So there is a lot that goes into a large-group Jeopardy viewing. By guessing often, you are jeopardizing (pun completely intended) the perception that people may have on you.

In my eyes — who gives a shit? Why not guess aloud? If you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Occasionally, if you guess a lot, you’re going to get one or two answers a game correctly that completely surprises the heck out of people. And in my mind, those moments are worth it.

And what about Alex Trebek? God damn, whenever I watch jeopardy, the thing that never ceases to amaze me is how much that man loves his job. He always points out the little oddities and uniqueness that occur in each game. And why not? The man has seen it all. It’s also humorous when he actually becomes annoyed when neither of the three contestants know an easy answer.

The man just has the physical appearance of a stereotypical “smart guy.” The neat-trimmed haircut, the glasses, the suit and tie, the calm demeanor and impeccable posture. But after hosting that game for so long, and posing question after question — I can’t imagine that no man in this country knows more useless trivia than Alex Trebek. God bless him.

Also, you deserve a medal if you are able to read a Jeopardy question in your head before Trebek finishes reading it. I try to, but I always fail. Damn you Trebek. Damn you and your flawless eloquence.

Alright, I am going to go watch Wheel of Fortune now. Later.

The things I learned in the Catskills

As I mentioned in my last blog, I headed up to the Catskills with a bunch of friends for the 4th of July weekend. It’s an annual tradition for us, except this is the first time we ventured away from the Poconos in Pennsylvania and instead went further upstate. The drive was an extra hour longer but it was worth it for an extra 70 acres of land.

Our view from the deck of our house

Pretty freakin’ sweet.

But as I was driving up to the ‘skills, and passing through various towns in the upstate New York region, all I could think was “How the heck do people live up here?”

I was born and raised in the suburbs of Long Island, where if you stand on your front stoop, you can see about 10 houses in both directions. But there were stretches upstate where you saw miles and miles of farmland in between houses. I just don’t understand how people can live this way.

Having to travel half an hour to get to your nearest supermarket does not sound appealing to me. Plus there is no jobs up there. If you want to work, you have two choices: Open an antique shop or create a stand on the side of the road selling rock candy.

I suppose that people who are born in places like these are just accustomed to it. I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of culture shock they would experience if they were to come to New York City.

So would I ever want to own a second home in the Catskills? Sure, why not. It’d mean I’m basically rich. But would I ever want to live there full-time? Hell no.

But what else did I learn in the Catskills?

Mountain biking is awesome.

For the first time in my life, I went mountain biking.

Since I had never done it before, and never even watched any mountain biking on TV (since I don’t spend my free time watching ESPN2 or Spike), then anything I thought about the sport was all derived from my imagination.

When I think of mountain bike trails, I think of actual man-made, smooth, possibly even paved tracks that are easy for mountain bikes to travel through. Instead, what we got was narrow dirt paths full of large stones, tree stumps, full-grown trees, roots, curved pathways and small wood bridges.

For the first thirty minutes of the trails, I’d say I spent more time off the bike then on. I gripped the pedals so hard that I actually have bruises on my hands. I also have bruises on my legs for coming to quick stops and slamming them into the pedals.

But it was all worth it because mountain biking is awesome. Once you finally get the hang of it, you learn to actually trust the bike and not slow down when you approach rocks and roots. In fact, if you slow down, you’re more likely to lose your momentum and be forced to stop. The faster you go, the steadier your ride will be. Once I understood that and basically stopped being a pussy, I finally spent more time on the bike than off.

And words can’t express how great of a workout it is. It takes a ton of leg strength and endurance to successfully mountain bike. I enjoyed it so much that I may even look into purchasing my own mountain bike. It would be a great way to mix up my habitual exercise routines.

People upstate take their times with things.

Whether it is at the supermarket, on the road, and even just talking, people who live three hours north of New York City apparently enjoy taking their time with things.

When you spend a lot of time in a city, you become accustomed to people always moving quickly and being in a rush. You become used to cars not waving you to walk across the street, or for others to hold the door open for you. Basically, in the city, it is acceptable to be an asshole. Well that’s not the case everywhere.

Although, I suppose when you’re surrounded by vast greenery and grandiose mountaintops, it’s a lot easier to take a moment, take in the scenery and enjoy the finer things in life.

You can actually see stars.

When you’re surrounded by skyscrapers, it’s hard to even see the sky, let alone the stars. Of course I live in Long Island so this isn’t much of a problem, but it isn’t until you lie in a spacious open field when you can see the full plate of stars lying above your head. It’s actually really nice to see.

Also, when you can see stars, and especially if you’re drinking alcohol, it will almost definitely lead to some type of existential conversation about the depths of our universe. It’s very easy to forget that when you’re looking at stars, you’re looking millions of years into the past, since it takes so long for light to travel. In fact, most stars you look at have burned out already — we just can’t see it yet. It’s pretty mindblowing stuff.

Ponds exist.

In cities, and even the suburbs, you see plenty of oceans, rivers, harbors and the occasional lakes and reservoirs, but when the heck do you ever see a pond?

When’s the last time you ever called up your friend Roger and said, “Yo Rog, you doing anything tonight? No? Well, then let’s go hang out at the pond!”

Ponds only exist in 90s movies that take place in Indiana or Missouri.

So when you actually see a pond, it’s easy to become fascinated by its calm peacefulness, its horrific stench, and the exorbitant amount of frogs that hang out around them. Frogs are so freaking cliche — a pond, really? I was almost expecting to see a few of them chilling on lily pads ribbiting the words “Bud – Weis – Er.”

Houses are actually made of logs

You grew up hearing about how our nation’s first presidents grew up in log cabins, but you forget that you’ve never actually see one with your eyes. Well we literally stayed in a log cabin. You can actually see each log connected together to create a house.

There is quaint sense of beauty that comes with a log cabin, and I think our country needs to return to this vintage technique of homemaking. Forget mansions, and constant renovations as we attempt to outdo our neighbors. If we all lived in log cabins, peace and harmony would prevail.

Peace and harmony. Now that’s what the Catskills are all about.

Cuz baby you’re a firework

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you all of the images that my Facebook friends posted last night of fireworks onto my Newsfeed:

I stated last night how fireworks are a spectacle to behold, and I stand by that. I was at a party yesterday, and we set off fireworks once it got dark, and at the same time people in neighboring houses were setting off their own fireworks. Witnessing all of the fireworks around me was a breathtaking experience — literally breathtaking, the noise actually frightened me.

Seriously, you forget just how loud fireworks can be. I swear that I now completely understand what it must have been like to be in Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, with all the booms and explosions happening every five seconds. Minus the actual gunfire and imminent threat of death, of course.

But seeing fireworks on the 4th of July is as common as walking into McDonalds and seeing a fat person. Are posting pictures of the fireworks really necessary?

First of all, a still image of a firework bears absolutely no justice to what the firework looked like in person. The luster of a firework lies in the noise, the anticipation, the apex of its explosion and the dispersal of the colors across the night sky. Posting a picture of a firework and saying “best fireworks ever!” is equal to posting a still image of a moving car and captioning it “look how fast the car is going!” The image tells us absolutely nothing. Nothing.

If you want to post a video of your fireworks, at least that makes some sense. I’m sure your fireworks were still no different from everyone else’s, and thus watching your video would be a giant waste of time, but at least it serves a logical purpose.

And to be fair, I understand the people who post their pictures of fireworks while capturing a sense of place in their photos. The one with the fireworks at Citi Field is a great shot, as is photo number six, with the buildings and people surrounding the fireworks. But just posting an image of the dark night sky with a couple pink and red streaks across it? Come on. You could post a photo of a ball of yarn lying on black construction paper and it would have the exact same effect.

And actually Instagramming a firework photo? Are you… kidding me? Did you watch your fireworks display with the thought of, “Man, this is awesome. But you know what this needs? Instagram.” FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP IT.

But I digress. Though before I move on from fireworks completely, I have to bring up the fireworks bust in San Diego.

Folks in San Diego witnessed what was either the worst Fourth of July fireworks celebration — or the absolute best — when a technical malfunction caused all of their pyrotechnics to go off at the same time.  The annual Big Bay Boom celebration began and ended in spectacular fashion when an inadvertent signal set off the explosion about five minutes early and caused the entire 18 minute show to take place in about 15 seconds. Confused spectators waited around for what they thought was going to be the rest of the show, but were sent home and told the show (that was supposed to be choreographed to music) was canceled.

Honestly, that’s pretty funny. And is it really such a bad thing? I understand that people may be upset since they were expecting a lengthy show, but the sight of all of those fireworks going off must have been awesome. Actually, see it for yourself at this link. 

Or for the laziest of the lazy, just check out this photo:

Pretty damn cool. And it legitimately looks like an atom bomb just went off.

Alright, I’ve blogged more about fireworks recently than I need to do for the rest of the year. So let’s move on.

How about this story, where a Florida lifeguard was fired after he left his “lifeguard zone” while attempting to save a man? He was fired because he “broke the rules.” After the news went public, the company decided to offer the dude his job back, and like a champ, he respectfully declined. In fact, many other lifeguards at the beach quit in protest. Good for them. You know our society has hit an all-time low when we punish people for attempting to save lives. This kind of story makes me shake my head.

And now, I am going to present you with the most adorable thing you will ever see. Remember when I posted that picture of the bobcat and the deer cuddling? Well the link I am about to post makes that photo look like a headshot of that dude from Florida who got his face eaten off.

I present to you… PUPPY CAM! 

Just click on the link and thank me. Thank me until your voice goes hoarse and words can no longer do justice.

Alright, I’m off to the Catskills for a weekend of drunken debauchery and possibly some mountain biking. I’ll catch y’all on Monday. Oh, and I just have to end the blog like this. I could not resist…

Fireworks… how awesome are they really?

A lot of people will tell you that the 4th of July is one of the most underrated holidays. That will probably even be their Facebook status on Wednesday afternoon. And then they’ll post a picture of themselves drinking a beer at 2 p.m.

There’s not much to hate about 4th of July. For one, it is federally mandated that we get the day off. It’s not like Presidents’ Day or Martin Luther King Jr. Day, where companies have the discretion as to whether they award their employees with the day off or not.

On the 4th of July, everybody is off.

Something that just occurred to me is how unfortunate it is that the 4th of July lies on a Wednesday this year. The past three years, the holiday has been on a Saturday, Sunday and Monday, and then the leap year pushed it up to Wednesday this year.

It’s unfortunate because a lot of people — like myself — choose to go away for the 4th of July weekend. The past three years, we had 3-day weekends for the holiday. And if Independence Day fell on a Tuesday or Thursday, then I would take either the Monday or Friday off, giving me a 4-day weekend and plenty of time to go away.

But since it’s on a Wednesday, we only get the day off in the middle of the week, and it’s much more difficult to take two days off. So Wednesday kind of sucks. But I digress.

Other things to like about this holiday is that heavy drinking is encouraged, barbecues are encouraged (and who doesn’t like a good barbecue?), and fireworks are encouraged. Yes, fireworks are illegal in New York, but there are still illustrious fireworks shows in every sporting event, town park and beach. So yeah, they’re encouraged.

Fireworks are, without question, a spectacle to behold. If you buy the right ones, then they are awesome to witness. The loud pop, the various colors and the synchronized dispersal of said colors makes for a great show.

But the keyword is that fireworks are awesome to see.

Of course, every year, you have the idiots who start lighting off fireworks a week before the holiday. So when I am sitting in my room trying to read or watch television, I can hear these loud explosions. Since I can’t actually see them, then the fireworks offer absolutely nothing to me. It’s just a loud nuisance.

Also, fireworks are dangerous. I know that everyone knows that — but I don’t think people realize how dangerous fireworks are. It’s so easy for something to go wrong. Pretty much every year when I light fireworks with my friends, there is always — without fail — one person who lights a firework incorrectly. The typical mistake is to put it upside down, so that it explodes downward into the container. It makes for a very, very loud occurrence.

Plus there’s always the one person who hovers around the firework too long while it is lit. Or sometimes you light two at once, and one person lights theirs faster than the other. And I didn’t even mention how easy it is to start a fire when lighting fireworks, especially since most people do them in wooded areas.

Also, and everyone’s drunk when they’re lighting them! It’s amazing how many things can go wrong.

You always laugh about it after when somebody does something stupid with fireworks, but considering the possibilities, it never fails to amaze me that you never hear more horror stories involving fireworks. Don’t get me wrong, I’m enormously relieved that it is the case, but again, it still surprises me.

It’s always funny how differently guys and girls view fireworks. Guys are all about them. Shit, they’ll drive all the way to Pennsylvania just to buy them. And then they’ll light firework after firework after firework and never become bored. Honestly though, for me, I get bored with fireworks after five minutes. Every pack is the freaking same. And they all have like 20 in them.

Girls, meanwhile, just can’t wait for them to be over. In my experiences, they’ll preach caution with every firework, yell at their significant others incessantly for not taking proper precautions, and then end up going inside because they can’t take it anymore.

In theory, fireworks are pretty damn cool. I can’t take that away. However, I think people get a bit carried away with them. I mean, it’s not like you made the fireworks yourself. All you did was push a button on a lighter and then put it near a fuse. It doesn’t really take much skill.

So I’m just throwing all of that out there. I’ll let everyone else make their own judgments on how awesome fireworks actually are.

And now that I’ve officially rained on everybody’s parade, have a very happy 4th of July everybody. Stay safe!

Attention hot girls: Not every guy in the world wants to sleep with you.

I’ll freely admit that most of the time, when I introduce myself to a girl, it’s with the hopes that I’ll end up sharing a sheet with her at the end of the night. I mean, it’s not like it’s my sole purpose. But obviously that is what everybody hopes as a best-case scenario.

But, and I am being completely honest here, it’s not my only intention at all. I enjoy meeting new people and forming new friends. So when I introduce myself to a girl, I am mainly hoping that she’s cool and that we hit it off. Anything else after that is a bonus.

However, and I guess it’s not completely their fault, but I feel like attractive girls — particularly girls who have been attractive their entire lives and don’t know any better — always carry the assumption that every guy who befriends them only wants to get in their pants, and nothing else.

That will undoubtedly be the case for many guys. But not all.

If I introduce myself to a random girl at a bar, then yeah, I completely understand why they would jump to that conclusion. Obviously if I build up the courage to talk to a stranger at bar, it’s only because I was physically attracted to her, and hope to hook up. Guys don’t introduce themselves to girls unprovoked just to become friends. I’m sure girls are the same way.

The circumstance that I was referring to earlier happens more often when I am introduced to girls through mutual friends. In this case, I know one of the girls personally, and she brings some friends along one night when we are out.

I’m a pretty social and outgoing person, and as I stated earlier, I enjoy meeting new people. So when this happens, I introduce myself to the girl friends just to be friendly. They are surrounded by people they don’t know, and thus I feel like I’m helping them out a bit by taking the initiative and introducing myself.

So when I do this, and I see the girl look me up and down, and basically just bullshit the conversation just to pretend they’re not a total bitch, and then essentially shrug me off, then it pisses me off to no end.

And when this happens, I no longer have any desire to get to know her any further. She’s a bitch. So I’m done. I’ll simply continue hanging out with my friends and enjoying the rest of my night.

Like I started off this particular blog, every guy wants to sleep with every girl to an extent. Girls, think about every guy friend that you have — they all want to have sex with you. Unless you’re in a committed relationship, of course. Because then you meet people of the opposite gender through different circumstances. But for single girls, it’s the case.

The amount that they want to have sex with you obviously differs. Some of your friends want to do it desperately. One may even be in love with you. Your other guy friends will indeed find you attractive, but some may actually value your friendship and actually would not rather risk jeopardizing it by sleeping with you. However, if you came on to them strongly, then of course they would. Every time.

That’s another thing. Any single guy that maintains a friendship with a single girl does so because they find them attractive. It sounds shallow as hell, but guys have no desire to have ugly girl friends. Having attractive friends, aside from the whole friendship aspect, comes with perks. For one, it makes you look better when you are out at bars. Other girls see you hanging around these good-looking girls, and think that you’re attainable and viable. Also, hot girls genuinely tend to have hot friends — so that’s another bonus.

Unless they’re bitchy friends who won’t give you the time of day simply because they’re trying to be nice and strike up a conversation so that you don’t feel alienated and excluded, of course.

So yeah, hot girls, every guy would sleep with you if you came on to them strongly. But there are plenty of guys out there who simply just want to be nice and friendly. Think about that next time a guy who is “kind of good-looking but not good-looking enough” tries to talk to you.

Thanks.