The new iPhone is out, so people will buy it because it’s what we do.

I don’t even own an iPhone, nor have I ever owned an iPhone, and yet, I’ve known about its release date for several months now. The renowned iPhone 5 was officially announced last week, and it will begin to be shipped out in the coming days.

Here is a timeline of the iPhone 5:

Late June: Word began leaking across the Internet and among people that it was going to be released sometime around September or October. Therefore, whenever somebody expressed their desire to get a new phone, they would be told by their friends to “Just wait until September when the new iPhone comes out.”

Sometime in July: The release date began to be more closely pinpointed, and people started to pre-ejaculate with excitement. And still, every single person you know urged you to “…wait for the iPhone.”

Sept. 12: The iPhone 5 was officially announced, and I’m sure some idiot somewhere in the world set up a tent outside of an Apple store.

Sept 21: The iPhone will ship, and then over the next few days people will write Facebook statuses about how they just got it delivered to them.

Sept. 25- Oct. 2: People will have absolutely no idea what the hell they are doing.

Remember the mass chaos that ensued when the iPhone 4 came out in June 2010?

First of all, I have no idea what the hell happened during that time. It seemed like everybody I know got the iPhone 4. Everybody pre-ordered it, and then got it, and then had no idea how to “unlock” it. And all the while, I laughed.

Well, we can probably expect the same thing with the iPhone 5.

Although Steve Jobs has been dead for almost exactly one year now, Apple Inc. will never come anywhere close to being in trouble. And why is that? Because they’ve essentially monopolized the telecommunications industry right now. They can create whatever the hell kind of phone they want, give it a number, and everybody will go ahead and buy it without doing any research. Because that is 21st century consumerism.

“Apple is releasing a new product, so I MUST have it.”

It doesn’t matter how much it costs, nor does it matter if it even has added any new features, all that matters is that it’s Apple and that it is the hip new thing.

I still own my Motorola Droid 2. I’ve had it for quite a while now. It’s a great phone, as I have high-speed Internet connection, many fun apps, it’s compact and it has voice commands. However, as far as a smart phone goes — it sucks. The battery life sucks, the camera is buggy, and it freezes often. Yes I know this is first world problems, but I don’t care. I’m paying multiple hundreds of dollars for this shiznit.

I’m also due for an upgrade. In fact, I actually got a text message from Verizon this very morning, informing me that since it’s been two years since my purchase, I get a discount on my upgrade. Rad!

Will I go 100% hypocrite and purchase the iPhone 5? Maybe. However, and I know this is a bizarre concept, but — I think I might actually… wait a little while. I think I’ll actually give it a couple of weeks, ask the opinions of my friends who impulsively pre-ordered it, and maybe even — and I know this sounds crazy — read a review or two.

I know, what am I thinking, right? What kind of decision-making strategy is that?

The iPhone 5 will be available for purchase on Sept. 21, and yet, I may wait until Oct. 15 to get one? Why even bother? I might as well just abandon phones all together and go live with the hill people if I’m going to wait that long. I even bet there are people out there who didn’t know you can buy the iPhone 5 without pre-ordering it.

But what does it even matter? Apple doesn’t need my help. The iPhone 5 reportedly sold out twenty times faster than the iPhone 4 did. The phone is expected to boost the United States’ Gross Domestic Product by $3.2 billion, according to expert economists.

In other words, our economy basically relies on the success of this phone. Thank goodness for idiotic impulsive buyers.

But let’s stop talking about America. Let’s talk about England. There is a band in England who has been popular for quite some time now, who go by the name of Muse. They have released five studio albums, are immensely popular, and have had amazing songs such as “Starlight,” “Knights of Cydonia, “Time is Running Out,” and more recently, “Uprising.” If you don’t know who they are, that is a problem.

Anyway, their sixth studio album, titled The 2nd Law, is due out in October (“OMG pre-order!!), but the first single off the track has already been released.

The song is called “Madness,” and I’m absolutely mesmerized by the song. I have long been a fan of Muse, but I have never been blown away by them from a song like I am with this one. The way it escalates, and builds and builds until the climactic conclusion is spellbinding, and I wanted to share it with you all.

I’ve listened to it over a dozen times already, and I love it.

The song actually bodes well with the release of the new iPhone.

Madness, indeed.

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