I think I’m finally starting to “get” wine.

I never thought the day would come where my alcohol consuming would evolve. But as I sit here writing, I am currently sipping a glass of Pinot Noir, a red wine.

No I am not softly shaking the glass, and sticking my nose in to smell it before each sip. I am not that big of a douchebag yet. However, I am genuinely enjoying it. I only recently discovered that I actually like wine.

Will wine ever supplant beer as my alcohol-of-choice? Of course not. Beer was my first love, and it will remain that way until it single-handedly causes me to die several years before I would have otherwise. And that is exactly how it should be.

It’s not that I never understood wine, I just didn’t like it. Of course, during special family dinners when you were in your late teens, the adults would let you try wine — and it would disgust you. They’d make references about how it’s your first time drinking alcohol, meanwhile, you probably got shitfaced with your friends in somebody’s basement the weekend before.

I love beer. I even love the taste of beer. I love everything about beer. I know girls enjoy both wine and liquor for two reasons — it gets them drunk quicker and more efficiently, and because they consume less and don’t get fat. Well, neither of those matter to me.

I enjoy the slow process of getting drunk. I like working my way up to beer one, two, three, etc. until I feel the buzz, and then I become drunk, and then I become wasted. It’s all part of the experience. I’ll probably mix some shots in along the way just to mix things up. And I definitely do not care about what alcohol does to my physical appearance. I am damn proud of my beer gut.

So wine never really appealed to me. In fact, it is never even a thought in my mind. When I am at a bar, and I’m deciding what I want to drink, I always think that I have three options — beer, a shot or a mixed drink. Wine does not even enter into the equation. And when I did see one of my friends drinking wine at a bar, I would ask them, “Why? You know they serve beer here, right?”

However, recently I came to the sudden realization that I enjoy the taste of wine. Particularly red wines. And in certain contexts, I can actually see myself choosing to drink wine over beer. Of course, when I’m out with my friends on a Friday and Saturday night on the town, then it’s beer all the way, no questions asked.

But, you know, if it’s ever a night in and I feel like getting a nice buzz on, then I can see myself opening a bottle of wine. In fact, I think it’s perfectly socially acceptable to drink wine by yourself. On the other hand, drinking beer on your own (in excess) is not, and is also a little depressing.

I’m never actually going to take the time to learn the difference between wines, since there’s like a million, but I think knowing the difference between a red and a white is good enough for now.

It’s funny to me because I always thought of wine as an “acquired taste,” but I never quite knew how long it would take my palate to acquire it. It turns out that it didn’t take very long. Also, you hear about all of the “health benefits” that come with wine, and its antioxidants and all that crap. I suppose that’s a good thing as well. Health is good.

But again, it’s still very much beer over wine. You can’t play wine pong, you can’t have a power hour with wine, and you can’t shotgun a bottle of wine. There’s just so much more fun to be had with beer than wine. Although, beer comes with no health benefits, besides slowly killing you.

You have so many more opportunities to have fun when you are drinking beer. There’s hundreds of drinking games to be played, and you can pretty much drink beer as fast as you want. The typical beer setting involves five guys sitting around the television talking about sports and females. What’s better than that?

But with wine, you’re slowly sipping, and taking a long time in between refills, and hanging around your other wine-drinking friends who are doing the exact same thing. The typical wine setting involves three people standing around, holding a glass, and talking about the economy. FUN!

Again, I’m not bashing wine, in fact, I’m starting to get it. But it’s still a very contextual drink.

Beer = College party

Wine = Speed dating

Beer = Beerpong

Wine = Pictionary

Beer = keg stand

Wine = Drink… two sips at once.

Beer = You can smack someone’s beer bottle with yours and make it fizz.

Wine = Easier to roofie. (Okay, there’s one benefit.)

In the end, it’s really no contest as to which alcoholic beverage reigns superior. Also, there’s this:

I love beer.

2 thoughts on “I think I’m finally starting to “get” wine.

  1. A slight variation on the hat is a game called (where I’m from, anyway) Edward Winehands. You get a friend to tape two bottles of wine to your hands, so basically you can’t do anything until you’ve finished them.
    One red, one white is the best (worst?) guaranteeing you will get both very drunk, and have a killer hangover. But hey, you’re going to be downing two bottles of wine, so you can pretty much take both as a given no matter which combination you go for.

  2. Your post had me laughing the entire time. Love your sense of humor. Pomegranate wine is really yummy too.

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