Girls: being hit on by guys at bars should not be validation of anything

Females, I know your game.

You go to bars with your friends, and you just chill at the bar. You act like you don’t have the slightest interest in anybody else that is there except your friends. If you’re not talking to your friends, then you’re focusing on your drink, or a television screen, or more likely, pretending to send a text message on your phone.

You don’t attempt to acknowledge any members of the opposite gender. You don’t look around to scout who’s there, you don’t talk to any of them, and you certainly don’t flirt with any of them. For all intents and purposes, they don’t exist.

So why are you there, then?

If you simply wanted to be with your friends, couldn’t you have done that anywhere? Surely the taste of a vodka soda wasn’t enough incentive to get dolled up and drive all the way to a bar? Well, I’ll tell you why you’re there.

It’s because you are waiting for guys to approach you.

Yeah, I know how it works. You’re the girl, and we’re the guy. We’re supposed to chase you around with our tongues sticking out as if we’re a Labrador Retriever looking for its owner. We’re the guys, so we have to do all the work.

But here’s the sinister part — you may not even be looking to hook up that night. Heck, you may not even be interested in meeting or talking with any guys. Maybe you really do just want a girls night.

Regardless, though, you still hope guys approach you, and try on hit on you, and possibly buy you a drink.

What you girls are really seeking, what you’re really looking for — is validation.

Validation that you still got it. Validation that you are attainable, and that guys will still find you attractive enough to try to hit on you. You want validation that, despite whatever age you may be — you’re still a hot ticket.

And when a guy does approach you, you’ll probably humor him for five minutes, send him away, and then look at your friends and say, “What a loser.” But deep down, you’ll be ecstatic. Your self-esteem will rise and you will be very happy with yourself and with your ability to attract guys.

But now we’ve come to the point where I can let you girls in on a little secret. I may be breaking guy code here, but I don’t care. As a single guy who often goes to bars, gets drunk, and tries to talk to girls, I can instill some wisdom here.

Guys don’t talk to girls at bars because they’re hot. They talk to girls at bars because they’re there.

Whether you look like Mandy Moore or Mary Tyler Moore, you are going to be talked to. Because as a guy, the night is pretty much a loss if you don’t even try to talk to any girls at all. The general mindset for guys at a bar is this: arrive, quick survey of the talent, drink for several hours, and THEN talk to whatever the hell girl is within your vicinity. Because at that point, every girl looks good.

I know it sounds cruel, but that’s just how it works. So my point is, girls should not use male bar flirtations as validation for hotness. Because that doesn’t mean a damn thing. But what you should think instead is — if a guy doesn’t talk to me while I’m at a bar, then it probably means I’m hideous. Because for a drunk guy to decline you, that takes a lot.

A girl might respond to this and say that, “Well, I don’t use drunk guys as my barometer to decide whether I’m good-looking or not. I’m very comfortable with my physical appearance, thank you very much.”

First of all, you’re welcome. And secondly, I applaud you for your so-called “comfort with your appearance,” but, you’re a lying S.O.B if you deny that other people’s approval doesn’t matter to you. Nobody is beyond that. Maybe it doesn’t mean as much to you as other people, but it still matters.

Speaking from experience, when I am told that I am cute or handsome, it is a huge ego boost. So when a girl is told that she’s hot, then there’s no way it doesn’t make them feel good about themselves.

By the way, I apologize to Mary Tyler Moore for using her as an example for ugliness earlier. I did so mainly because she is 75 years old. But she was a good-looking gal in her day:

Whereas most girls I wait to flirt with after having 8 or 9 beers, I may have flirted with her after 2 or 3.

Now there’s a compliment if there ever was one.

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