So Taylor Swift is dating an 18-year-old Kennedy

Amid the aftermath of last week’s political debate, news took a turn for the nonpolitical this weekend, when it was reported by numerous sources that Taylor Swift spent the weekend with Conor Kennedy.

Conor is the son of Robert Kennedy Jr., who, of course, is the son of Robert F. Kennedy, the New York State Senator who was assassinated in 1968 while campaigning for the presidency.

First of all, attempting to trace the Kennedy lineage is like trying to figure out the plot of Inception. There are so many of them — Robert and John were two of nine children. Robert F. Kennedy had eleven children. So far all of the “bad luck” that the family has had, between assassinations and plane crashes, there’s like a hundred of them still roaming around. They basically could start their own colony if they wanted to.

I remember the TV show Seinfeld had an entire episode devoted towards mocking why our nation holds the Kennedy family in such high esteem — and we do. The name just holds such distinction, that if you are lucky enough to be born a Kennedy, you are set for life. You will never be without money, friends or willing sexual participants if your last name is Kennedy and your lineage can be traced back to either RFK or JFK.

I mean, one in every four high schools and airports in this country are named after John F. Kennedy. That is nowhere near a true fact, but I still don’t doubt its authenticity.

So anyway, bearing all of that in mind, with all the nobility and prestige that surrounds the Kennedy name, can it really come as such of a shock that Taylor Swift would have an interest in dating one of the Kennedys?

Come on, what girl in America would turn down a Kennedy? The fact that this is news is —

Wait, what’s that? How old? Are you shitting me?

Okay, well that changes things a bit. As I survey birth certificates here, which apparently I have access to, Taylor Swift is 22 years old, and turns 23 in two months. Conor Kennedy just turned 18 this summer.

Hmm. So… so… what do I make of this. My first thought is that if I was still 23, and I was dating an 18-year-old girl, I would probably get lambasted. It would be deemed as inappropriate, and although the legal age of consent in New York is 17, I would probably still be labeled as a child-seeking pedophile.

But this is the other way around. It’s not as inappropriate, which is obviously a double-standard, but something still seems a little off here. Taylor Swift is a world-renowned musician who has traveled the globe, won multiple Grammys and released four studio albums. Conor Kennedy just graduated from high school.

T-Swift gets a lot of flack from outside observers, mainly because her personal life is so highly publicized. She can’t be seen anywhere in public with a guy without it being headline news in every tabloid from new York to Timbuktu, which apparently is a town in the West African country Mali, and not just a fictional location created to exemplify great distances. But anyway, whether it is Jake Gyllenhaal, John Mayer, Taylor Lautner, Joe Jonas, Tim Tebow or Frodo Baggins, all it takes is one public sighting, and bam, the media says she’s in a relationship.

So it’s hard to actually criticize her when she is under such an intense microscope. However, when she starts dating guys five years her junior, who just one year ago was finally allowed to enter a rated-R movie without adult supervision (although his family probably owns a private movie theater), it becomes a little bit harder to defend. Who knows, maybe Conor showed her his fake I.D. instead of his real I.D. and she thinks he is actually 21.

Plus, look at this guy.

Okay, first of all, he looks like he is the sixth member of One Direction. Secondly, I have to ask, what is with this new hairstyle among teenagers? I understand the whole unkempt, “I just got out of bed” look, but some of these kids look like they just got out of bed and then stood directly in front of a windmill for 10 minutes. Sorry but hair does not naturally form perpendicular angles atop your head.

So Taylor, I understand how you could fall for the allure of dating a member of the Kennedy family, but, I mean, he’s 18. Don’t you think it would be wise to talk to him on Gchat first for a few years, and then pursue him romantically when he’s of the legal drinking age?

If you need to redeem yourself, and date somebody a little closer to you in age, or even older than you, I’m 25. I’m just sayin’. Just throwing it out there.

I know I may never have the allure of the Kennedy name, but I whatever I lack in that regard, I compensate in… um, in…

Let me get back to you on that.

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