I understand that women like to be protective of themselves and their possessions. That goes without saying. There’s a lot of screwed up people out there, and it makes perfect sense that females would be extremely careful with the things that are most important to them.
Guys don’t walk around holding their important possessions. And that’s probably because we don’t have any. But we keep our wallets, phones and iPods buried deep in our pockets, and if somebody wants to go all Matt Damon in Ocean’s Eleven and try to pickpocket us, then be my guest. If you can manage to remove my belongings from my pocket without me noticing, then you’ve earned it. Bravo.
But if you’re a guy, and you even try to lay a finger on a purse of a girl who is not your girlfriend, you are going to get the dirtiest look known to mankind.
You know how you’re waiting on a line at a store, and the person in front of you drops money on the floor? Well you never actually pick up the money and hand it to them, because then the person will become suspicious that you might have pocketed some of it. I’m white and I still know not to do that.
Well it’s the same thing with a girl and her purse. It doesn’t matter how close of friends you are with her, if you touch her purse, well then you might as well be reaching under her shirt and grabbing her breasts, because girls will react like that’s exactly what you just did.
Every girl acts like she has a 14-karat diamond sitting at the very top of her purse. They act like they’re about to make a $40 million dollar drop to recover their ransomed husband, and all the money is in their bag. They act like they have a baby panda bear in their purse, because for the love of god who wouldn’t go to great lengths to protect a baby panda bear?
And with the size of girls’ purses these days, they could easily fit a baby panda bear in there. But that’s another topic.
And trust me, I’m not looking to go out of my way to touch a girl’s purse. I could give you two perfectly innocent scenarios in which my finger might graze upon a women’s handbag.
1) She switches locations and leaves it behind. I let her know it is there, and I pick it up so I can hand it to her.
2) It’s sitting on a chair that I plan to sit in so I casually pick it up and move it to a nearby, safe location.
And in both these instances, it’s obviously a girl who I know well. I would never touch the purse of somebody who I don’t know because I know that is inappropriate. But that being said, the point that I am trying to make is this — even when I do know the girl, and I am touching her purse directly in front of her for a perfectly innocent reason, she still reacts like I just spit in the face of her firstborn child. I don’t understand it.
If I am rummaging through your purse, that’s one thing, but if I am actually doing good deed, then I do not particularly appreciate the nasty look. Receiving those looks makes me understand how Middle Easterners must feel when they load giant suitcases onto an American airplane.
Conversely, on the rare occasion where a girl somehow manages to touch my wallet, it’s laughable to think that I would ever react harshly and yell, ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THAT’S MY WALLET!!” If a girl is touching my wallet, and I can visibly see it, then that means she is somewhere near me. So that is a plus.
So anyway, if I’ve understood anything through my years, it’s that I don’t understand how girls think. Especially when it comes to their purses. If a purse is lying unattended, and even if it is sitting in a puddle of gasoline and I see a streak of flames heading towards it, I am not going to ever touch it. I won’t say a word.
Henceforth, women’s purses are the forbidden fruit that the talking snake told me to leave alone.
And when a talking animal tells me what to do, by golly I’m going to listen.
After all, it worked for the Son of Sam, didn’t it?