Taking cuddling to a whole new level

In today’s economy, you’re going to see people become very creative as far as the type of businesses that they try to start. There’s a plethora of opportunities available on the Internet to start your own websites, or your own type of social networking. The hardest part is advertising it.

But to the non-computer savvy, or the non-educated, it takes a little more creativity. Some people — unfortunately — may have to rely on their bodies to supply them with money. Call it immoral, call it unconscionable, but the truth of the matter is, we need money to survive.

Just like Jackie Samuel, a 29-year-old woman from Rochester, who charges her clients to come into her home and join her in…

Cuddling?

You heard it right. This woman, this brilliant women, invites people into her dwelling, and charges them $60 an hour to cuddle with her. To lay down, for an hour, arm-in-arm, and just… do nothing. But cuddle.

Honestly, if I had to envision in my head what a professional cuddler looked like, then I would picture this woman. The dark hair. The puffy cheeks. The short, curvy body. The red tank-top. The polka-dot short shorts. They are cuddling.

In fact, you know how neck pillows are created to conform perfectly to the contours of your neck, allowing for maximum comfort? I’m convinced that exactly the same could be said for this woman to the human body.

I have no doubt in my mind, that if I were to spend a night cuddling with this women, I would have the best sleep of my life. In fact, I would probably be so relaxed that I’d half expect myself to lapse into a coma.

But anyway, since this is actually real — and since I am not making it up — a lot of questions come to mind.

The first question is — why cuddling? Well, Jackie answers that:

I think I was born knowing how to snuggle. Snuggling is healthy, spiritual and fun.

There you go. And her reasoning checks out, because all girls like to cuddle. You will never, in a million years, hear a guy say to his girlfriend, “Hey, let’s cuddle tonight!”

Girls, on the other hand, have to cuddle at least every 48 hours or they self-destruct, so I’m told. Cuddling to girls is what watching pornography is to guys.

My second question — how does she protect herself?

The article does not clearly explain this. My biggest concern about starting a cuddling business would be the clientele. Let’s face it, the most normal people in our society probably do not seek out professional cuddlers. In this business, I imagine you get a lot of strange folk.

Yes, she does invite the cuddlers into her home, rather than entering the households of strangers, but, still. She’s already lying in a bed with a man, so what’s to stop him from… using his force to… further the situation?

My guess, if I had to make one, would be that Jackie Samuel performs an extensive background check and/or character examination on her clients to ensure they are coming to her for the right reasons, and that they are not prior felons. That being said, she’s still being very trustworthy. She also probably keeps a gun in her top drawer.

Also, let’s face it, the amount of erections this woman must endure on a regular basis must be sickening. Sorry females, but there is nothing we can do about that — if we are lying thinly dressed on a comfortable mattress, with our body pressed against an attractive chick, then we are going to become aroused. It’s going to happen.

But I guess it’s a hazard of the job when you make $260 a day, which is what the article says she makes. Not bad for a profession that allows you to wear pajamas to work. Also, the article further states that the business has become so popular that she’s recently hired a second cuddler.

The business has done so well she has even hired another snuggling professional, Colleen.

Her apprentice has yet to take on a client by herself but has joined Jackie on two occasions in what they have termed a ‘double cuddle’.

So that is wh — wait a minute. Go back… *reads that again*

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!

A “double cuddle?” Even just saying those two words aloud is the most sexiest thing I have ever heard of in my life. Getting to cuddle two women at the same time is probably better than having sex with one woman.

From now on, forget the overrated ménages à trois, henceforth, my goal in life is to experience a double cuddle.

Who’s down? Anyone?

Don’t speak all at once, now. Alright, fine. You leave me no choice…

*checks the money in his wallet and searches Rochester on Mapquest*
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