Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez broke up, and for some reason it is news.

When you’re celebrity, and you’re a household name to millions across the world, your life is going to be highly publicized.

If you want fame and infamy, you’re going to have to deal with the publicity and the lack of privacy. I would know. But it’s hard to sympathize for any celebrity when they make millions and millions of dollars.

Take Taylor Swift for instance. She cannot be seen in public with a guy — not even one time — without the media claiming that she is in a relationship. Again, it’s just a hazard of the lifestyle.

I personally don’t really have interest whatsoever in celebrity relationships. Who Christina Aguilera or Taylor Lautner are dating has absolutely no effect on my life, so it is hard for me to care. But that doesn’t mean I don’t hear about it.

So yesterday, I learned that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have officially broken up. The news has sent shockwaves not only throughout the music industry, but the entire world.

First  let me begin by saying that if any news of a celebrity breakup is going to affect me at all, it has to be a relationship that had been ongoing for a long time. When a married couple gets a divorce after 10+ years of marriage, then that is significant.

But when an 18-year-old announces that he is no longer dating his girlfriend, who he dated for a couple of years, then it is not… anything.

Sorry, but when teenagers are dating each other, that is not relationship. That is more of a “I know nothing about the world, and you know nothing about the world, but I find you attractive so let’s hang out a lot” type of thing.

Both Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez, along with every other 18 to 20-year-old in the world who has a girlfriend or boyfriend right now, is going to break up with them and have another “significant other.” And then they will break up with them, and have another. And then they’ll have a really bad break-up with that one, go into a six-month period of indescribable hatred until they meet somebody else, and then that relationship may or may not work out.

And then finally, they’ll get married. By then, both Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez will have forgotten that they ever dated to begin with. This is not news.

Hurricane Sandy displacing hundreds of thousands of people is news. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez calling it splitsville? Not news.

I guarantee you that they didn’t even break up in person. I bet while on tour, one of them texted the other, and then it ended at that. Their relationship wasn’t even meaningful enough for them to make the trip to see each other face to face. There’s no way I’m wrong about that.

In fact, I bet this is how the news even broke to begin with:

I can’t even imagine how many 14-year-old girls would “like” that status. Actually, I’d rather not even begin to imagine that. I think keeping 14-year-olds out of my imagination would be better for everyone.

So the point I’m trying to make is, the fact that the demise of a teenage relationship is newsworthy is extremely laughable.

But alas, it’s only a matter of time until the tabloids begin speculating who Mr. Bieber’s next girlfriend will be. I, for one, will hold my breath until that happens.

In other much more important news, there apparently is a new Furby. So, there’s that.

Yeah so whatever the heck that is, it scares the ever-loving shit out of me. If I owned one of those, I’d half expect it to come alive in the middle of the night and kill me with its alien mind control.

And yet, Hasbro will make billions of dollars off it.

Actually, I can’t hate. After all, this Furby has more talent in its nonexistent blue fingernail than Justin Bieber. In fact, I bet he’s honing on Selena Gomez right now while she’s in rebound mode.

When a Furby gets more action than me, you know things have hit a low.

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