Remember that rover that landed on Mars in August? Because I guarantee that at least every other person reading this already forgot.
NASA sent the rover to see what we can learn about our interstellar brethren that is Mars. It took photos, brought back samples, and then, we really didn’t hear too much about it after that. No aliens were found, so that is when most people stopped caring.
However, it appears that NASA did find something. And apparently, it’s big.
This is a quote from Sam Grotzinger, the principal investigator for the rover mission:
“This data is gonna be one for the history books. It’s looking really good.”
Aw, snap. Now this has some potential.
Of course, my guess — and I think I am right — is that this news will be revelatory for the scientific and astronomical community. The astronomers and astrophysicists will hear it and be amazed. But the average idiot, like you and me, will hear it and say, “So?”
But what is this startling discovery? The reason NASA is taking its sweet time in divulging it is because, like any good men of science, they want to be sure.
Part of the rover contained an instrument called SAM (Sample Analysis at Mars) that was designed to, well, collect sample analysis at Mars — soil, air, etc.
And it looks like SAM found something. The entire purpose of the exploration was not necessarily to discover extraterrestrial species; I don’t think anyone at NASA expected any type of martian civilization. However, the purpose was to discover if life on Mars either is or was possible. Meaning, that there had previously been life on Mars, or there could be in the future.
One of the indicators the team was hoping to discover was methane, which is the most abundant organic compound on Earth, and is derived from living organisms. So it could simply just be that.
Or maybe, just maybe, it is something bigger. Of course, this teaser statement released by NASA officials only sets us all up for disappointment. When you’re NASA, and it’s your job to make unbelievable discoveries, and you actually say that you made a “historical discovery,” then people are going to jump to extremes.
They’ll think of aliens, or some type of outer space dinosaurs, or that they discovered time travel.
So when the announcement comes and it’s inevitably something about minerals or sand or organic compounds, then nobody will really care. The worst part about all of this is that discovering the depths of our universe is something that humans will be working on for as long as we exist. Right now, we only have the physical capabilities of sending little machines into space. What we’re really doing is setting the foundation so that future generations can make the big discoveries.
Sorry folks, but while you and I live — NASA ain’t discovering shit.
If the space agency did in fact discover some type of talking sea otter with three heads inhabiting Mars, than sure, I’ll gladly eat my words. But I think it’s safe to say that this discovery will not involve a tri-headed sea mammal.
So anyway, transitioning to news a little closer to home, there’s a lot happening on the Taylor Swift front. Not only is her new album “Red” making waves all over the world, but I learned that she recently bought a Cape Cod beach house in the same neighborhood as her one time beau Conor Kennedy.
Here is a satellite view of the house and its proximity to the Kennedy household.
For those scoring at home, Ethel Kennedy is the widow of the late Robert F. Kennedy, and is Conor Kennedy’s grandmother. And before I finish this blog, I want an entire Kennedy diagram on my wall displaying the entire Kennedy lineage. Because I am slowly becoming an expert.
It’s also creepy that the entire world has photographic access to Taylor Swift’s new home simply by performing a two-second Internet search. Thank god I am not an actual stalker though. Instead I’m just a weird blogger guy. It’s a fine line, I suppose.
But the awkward part about all of this is that T-Swift and Conor K are no longer seeing each other despite the fact that they now live as close to each other as Jerry Seinfeld and Kramer did. In fact, recent reports indicate that Swift is now dating Harry Styles of One Direction, who, conveniently, looks exactly like Conor Kennedy.
Somebody please explain to me what the heck the difference is between those two people. Because I certainly do not know. In fact, they are both 18-years-old — nearly five years younger than Taylor Swift. Nice, Taylor. Nice.
Well, at least this benefits me since I now know Taylor’s type. All I have to do is not get a haircut for four months, give myself the biggest static shock imaginable to make the hair go in every direction, and somehow go back in time to make myself 18-years-old again.
Man, I really do wish that NASA’s big discovery is the ability to time travel. It’s the only thing stopping me from being the object of Taylor Swift’s affection.
The only thing.